3/30 Gutt Reactions Blog: Scooby Doo's greatest mystery, translating Sheamus, and why Brock screams a lot

Posted in: Blogs, MUST-READ LISTING
Mar 30, 2014 - 12:00 PM

Welcome to the Gutt Reactions blog, a slightly skewed look back at the last week in wrestling! Warning: there be attempted humour here. . .

Triple M – The Mexican Mystery Machine!

I've long held the belief that it's nigh-on impossible to fail in a pitch meeting with WWE Studios. Think of all the crazy, crappy ideas they have brought into over the years. "Want to make a movie where Trips is a chaperone to children?”, YES! "Want to make movies staring Ken Kennedy, Hornswoggle and Ted DiBiase Jr.?”, YES! "Want to buy the rights to Scooby-Doo, a franchise that has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling?”, YES!

That last one led to the trippy scene of Sin Cara emerging from the Mystery Machine with the (walking) Scooby Doo in tow. A truly ludicrous segment that will be forgotten quickly, as will their straight to DVD Scooby-Doo/WrestleMania crossover. But, almost by accident, the pieces of a truly great Scooby and the gang mystery were all present on Raw. I'd now like to pitch MY crazy idea to WWE Studios – Scooby Doo and the Sin Cara Switcheroo!

Sin Cara's colleagues notice something is wrong - he's not botching moves anymore! Fred, Shaggy and Co. call in all the Luchadores they can to help with the bi-lingual brainteaser, and together with Essa Rios, The Mexicools, and all 66 Guerreros, they corner Sin Cara in the locker room, removing his mask to reveal. . . HUNICO!? The villainous Hunico closes the episode with "And I would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling Mexicans! I shall call them Meddli-cans!”

And then they can turn their attention to the next conundrum present on Raw – Who the hell is Joe Manganiello?

Fella, because shouting "FRIEND!” doesn't have the same effect

WWE has a history of coining and popularizing weird phrases. "If you smell what the Rock is cooking” is ridiculously open ended for those not in the know. What should we do if we smell what Dwayne is brewing in his kitchen? R-Truth's "Whats Up?” has similar problems. He's basically asking everybody how they are and not waiting for a response. What piece of information have I forgotten that has annoyed Road Dogg, and made him ask me to phone somebody? But most baffling of all is "Fella”. I have no idea how Sheamus has got that over, since it's just a synonym for "friend”.

The best way for me to explain my confusion is to show how it would work with different ethnicities. Lets say, at the height of his popularity, Eddie Guerrero had chose to replace "Viva la Raza!” with "Ese!”. Not when referring to people, animals, or even plants; just saying it out loud. It's no less jarring picturing William Regal shouting "Chum!”. Would Rene Dupree have been a 3-time World champion as well had he taken to exclaiming "Mon Ami!”? It just straight up makes no sense!

The silver lining I have found is that no Canadian has ever got into this habit, because had two of them taken it up at the same time, it may have descended into this

It's still real to me, damn it!

In this weeks look at the bizarre side of wrestling, I want to express three different theories on why Brock Lesnar's voice is becoming so wonderfully random. Since his return to WWE the night after WrestleMania 28, Brock has been prone to letting out some strange noises in the ring (akin to a pterodactyl making love to a vacuum cleaner), as well as making awkward tone changes in the middle of sentences. Here are my musing on why this is:

1) Brock wants Heyman to speak for him more. Fairly simple. Brock realises his voice and look match up just as well as Pee-wee Herman voicing Megatron would. So, he is simply sounding like a dork so that creative will just have Heyman do all the talking, and he can just stand there, maintaining his Bork Laser-ness for all to see.

2) Brock is currently training his vocal chords. Maybe Brock looked at himself and said "How have I become successful?”. He figured out the formula has to be "Be weak > train to the point of insanity > be strong > success!”. Brock is now simply applying this to his vocal chords, and the weird shrieks are just a sign of that awkward phase all early gym goers go through where things are starting to improve, but you feel like death and still look like a runner bean.

3) What? BROCK is evolving! This is my personal favourite. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe WE are the problem? Perhaps Brock, having achieved a high enough level of physical perfection, is evolving into the next stage of humanity. These things we perceive as weird shrieks are actually words in the new, better, universal language that all of our children will be speaking in the next 20 years. Who knows, maybe in the future, we'll all have converted!

TV will be full of 8ft tall caterwauling behemoths, people who squat under 200lbs will be considered handicapped, and this will be the highest selling single of all time

Thanks for reading. Be sure to check out the Dot Net NXT podcast with Zack Zimmerman and myself, available exclusively for members of the site! If you have any thoughts on the article, add me on Twitter - @DazatheG

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