Twilling's Thanksgiving Brief: Survivor Series, Turkey flavored warm milk, annoying relatives, Apple Store douche bags, NFL football, Boise State and TCU should feel thankful, Derek Jeter, TNA, and more


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Staff Editorials


Twilling's Thanksgiving Brief: Survivor Series, Turkey flavored warm milk, annoying relatives, Apple Store douche bags, NFL football, Boise State and TCU should feel thankful, Derek Jeter, TNA, and more
Nov 24, 2010 - 08:43 PM


By Rich Twilling

-Food, family, and football. The three 'F's of Thanksgiving. For those of you lucky enough to get that fourth 'F,' give thanks!

-I miss the old Survivor Series, Thanksgiving night events. I remember being a kid thinking, "Can we get through this 'Go through the motions holiday' so I can get home to watch 'Teams of five, strive to survive'?"

-The tryptophan in turkey makes people tired and helps them go to sleep. So, why don't they put tryptophan, or turkey, in sleeping pills? Imagine downing a nice cocktail of turkey flavored warm milk right before bed? Tasty?

-How many of you feel Thanksgiving is too much trouble for what you get in return? Somebody is cooking, somebody is baking, somebody is running out to the store for last minute shit, everyone eats, and then somebody is cleaning. I feel bad for you if you are the person with all of the jobs.

-Annoying relative? Annoying relatives? See, what you do is this: Gather up the non-annoying members of the clan. Inform them of the culprit. Then approach that person and let them know they are annoying. They will either right their ship or stop coming all together. You're welcome.

-Speaking of relatives, I want an "Arthur Spooner" in my family. Yelling about random shit and every little thing would be awesome. "MY YAMS ARE NOT CANDIED ENOUGH!" I will become that man in about fifty years.

-Does anyone else have competitions? Best gravy. Best pie. Best stuffing. Why doesn't anyone ever do a "Best Turkey" competition? Nobody gives a crap about having tons of extra gravy or stuffing, but extra turkey? Now we are talking.

-Black Friday. Anyone on that? I had a friend once sleep overnight at Best Buy. He ended up with a couple of car stereos and some rewritable CDs. Way to plan that one out Chief. The right item might get me out.

-A great deal at the Apple Store might cause me to knock a few people into oblivion. While I'm at it, I'll take out a few employees too. Pompous ass douche bags.

-Try not to eat too much during the day and then watch the Bengals vs. Jets at night, because seeing Terrell Owens and his sophomoric, idiotic antics might cause you to cough up your entire meal. "Yeah bitches, we are 2-8, but I'm going to dance for an hour after scoring a touchdown to make the score 31-6, Jets."

-Call me a purist or old school, but I'm cool with the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys playing every year on Thanksgiving Day. On top of that, their Thanksgiving uniforms are better than their regular ones, especially with the Cowboys. Their normal uniforms are hideous, but the dark blue and white on Thanksgiving look damn sharp.

-Kudos to the Yankees for telling Derek Jeter to test the free agency market. They don't owe them a thing. Sure, he is a Yankee legend and has done a lot for the organization, but they gave decent compensation, in the form of 189 million dollars. Baseball is about winning, not about staying old and overpaying for drastically declining players.

-Good thing the people saying, "They have to sign him. It's Derek Jeter!" are not running a baseball team. I actually heard sports writers saying they need to sign Jeter before they sign Cliff Lee. Are you kidding me? It might be weird to see Jeter get his 3,000th hit in another uniform, but if they sign him instead of Mariano Rivera or Lee, they are idiots.

-Moving to college football, the Ohio State President was dead on with his comments, although everyone is taking him to task for it. Boise State and TCU do not play anybody. It's BS that one or even two loss teams have to play the schedules they do while Boise State and TCU cakewalk through their entire season.

-Alabama, right now, with two losses, would beat the crap out of both of those teams. Stanford is better than both of them. At the beginning of the season, everyone said if Boise beat Virginia Tech, they would not have to worry until the end of the season when they play Nevada. So, they get to take the whole season off and people argue for them? Ridiculous.

-Why is anyone surprised that the Miami Heat are not very good? They have no interior defense, they are small, and they have no depth. On top of that, Dwayne Wade is their best player, but Lebron James wants that title.

-Oh, and what is the deal with this Lebron commercial? Lebron, the city of Miami, the NBA, ESPN, and especially the city of Cleveland all need to get a reality check. News flash Lebron: you are a basketball player. You are not a hero or a villain and you are not saving the world.

News flash to Cleveland: You weren't going to win a championship with Lebron anyway. Don't feel bad though, Miami will not win one either. It's sad that such a talented "team" needs Pat Riley (and you know he is taking over) to motivate them and get them playing well.

-I guess I'll throw another wrestling item in here. If you are especially thankful, watch TNA Impact on Thanksgiving night. They, in turn, will be thankful for you.

-Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. Let us all be appreciative for those people and/or things special to us. For me, it's Julianna. Thank you for everything and for putting up with all of this! We can both be thankful that NXT season three ends in one week. Then we can both bitch when season four starts.

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