Pruett's Pause: WWE Raw - The First Annual Slammy Awards Awards! Who, on Slammy night, will walk away with the coveted Meta-Slammy's?
By Will Pruett
Prowrestling.net Live aired on Monday night following WWE Raw. Jason Powell and Chris Shore took listener phone calls during the free, 90-minute online radio show. Listen to the show at Blogtalkradio.com/prowrestlingdotnet.
***In lieu of my normal Pause column, I've decided to put on my tuxedo and shiny shoes and hand out some awards! Yep, it's time for the First Annual Slammy Awards Awards!
The Ross and Rachel "Will they or won't they" Award: Daniel Bryan and Shawn Michaels earned this award throughout the Slammys. First, Michaels delivered a weird promo after the double-cross award. Then, he joked around with Bryan after the Superstar of the Year award. This feud looked like it surely wouldn't spawn into a WrestleMania dream match until the closing segment. Bryan, the most over guy on the show, hit his running knee on Michaels. Will revenge be on the agenda for "Mr. WrestleMania" come April?
Best Gimmick Infringement: The New Age Outlaws win this one hands down. Not only did they outright copy an act from Christopher Daniels and Kazarian on Impact a few months ago, but they copied the copy of a set of outfits from Dumb and Dumber. The Outlaws proved to be a little out of touch in their segment, even though Road Dogg (SIC) sure did rhyme well.
LOL Moment of the Night: This moment goes to WWE's LOL Moment of the year award for lacking any actual discernible humor. It did have vomit, sexism, the mocking of a widow (repeatedly), and childish stupidity. I have never seen a segment so perfectly able to capture why "wrestling humor" and mainstream humor cannot be the same thing.
Best App Tutorial Award: This one kind of comes down to a preferred platform. While I am fine with Michael Cole explaining to me how Android works, the iOS tutorial tends to help me. Cole has masted the difficult and often confusing art of downloading free apps from locations. I'm just glad we have Cole to guide us.
Best Bait and Switch Award: The Rock has to take this award home, due to the bait and switch on the LOL moment award. Rock should have come out, or at least rocked a video screen appearance. WWE may be hesitant to give him exposure, but it would have been better for the show than Vickie Guerrero celebrating the obvious sexism in WWE.
Most Confusing Ending Award: The last few months have brought us a lot of confusing endings. Look at every pay-per-view from SummerSlam to now! Alas, I have to give the most confusing moment to this show. Triple H is against Randy Orton. John Cena is standing with The Authority. Daniel Bryan is hitting running knees on Shawn Michaels. Big Show is a wonderful afterthought. This was a really exciting, but more than mildly confusing segment.
Best Sin Cara: While it's tempting to give this award to the former Mistico, I have to give it to Hunico. Hunico has done the Sin Cara entrance multiple times and not fallen. He has done the move set with slightly less botching. He isn't as dynamic as Mistico, but Hunico is quite capable of Sin Cara-ing.
Best Promo: I had hoped to be able to give this award to Shawn Michaels, but he was confusingly awkward for the evening whenever he spoke. This award goes to John Cena, who absolutely knocked it out of the park and sold me a pay-per-view I was dreading in the final segment. Cena's promo was serious, it built to a crescendo, and it made the match seem important. John Cena proved with this promo why one of the best wrestlers in the world.
Most Overt Sexism: The award for most sexist moment of the night goes to The Rock, who's concert randomly tearing down Vickie Guerrero was ridiculously misogynistic. I don't understand why WWE needs to make me feel like an awful person for enjoying wrestling, but moments like this remind me not to watch with friends,
Hometown Hero Award: This one has to go to Daniel Bryan, who was the most over guy all night long. From the opening match, which was little more than am extended squash for Bryan, to the closing segment where the crowd chanted for Bryan as Cena, Orton, Kane, Triple H, and Stephanie all attempted to act dramatic in the ring, Bryan was a hero to the Seattle faithful. Triple H can make all the jokes about family he wants, Bryan is over.
Most Slammy Awards Award: Not only is Daniel Bryan over in his hometown, but he is over nationwide. The Raw crowd was actually incapable of voting on the WWE App for the Slammys (as is every other person living on the west coast) but Bryan took home more than anyone else (and may have broken a record for most Slammy Awards in one night). Bryan is over nationwide and it's going to be too much for WWE to ignore.
The Diva of the Year of the Night Award: Some online fans were outraged by A.J. Lee, who's character has been stale for the entirety of 2013, not winning the Diva of the Year award. Personally, I'm outraged by the great Brie Bella being forced to split a Slammy (the most meaningful meaningless award in WWE) with her sister Nikki. We all know who the best Bella is. Don't try to lump them in together.
Awkward Format of the Night: The entire show wins the awkward format of the evening award. It was a distinct pattern where a wrestler would enter, a presenter would be introduced, a highlight package would play, the presenter would throw to an app vote, another wrestler would enter, a commercial break would occur, then the award would be given, and finally a match would happen. Who's idea was it to make it completely awkward?
Monster Heel Award: Brodus Clay takes this one home as he is being set up for a monster heel run. I'm guessing in six months he has a match against John Cena, gets beat. Then he faces Big E Langston, and also gets best. In about two years, Clay will go back to dancing as a throwback act. The roll of funk is over. The roll of heel will now begin.
Production "Oops" of the Night: Kevin Dunn is taking home this award yet again for a crazy lack of quality control when a graphic calling these the "2012 Slammy Awards" was on the screen coming out of a commercial break. Come on, WWE, you're better than this.
So, what did you think of the show? Agree? Disagree? Either way, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow me and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
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