By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by four out of five top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. Triple H. "The Game" finds himself on the top of this list as he prepares for a WWE Undisputed World Heavyweight Unified Championship run. It's not going to make perfect sense at first, but he'll make it work. He's more fun to watch than John Cena (yawn) and Randy Orton (double yawn). He's also just arrogant enough to make everything work. I have nothing but trust for Trips.
2. Kurt Angle and Big Show. These two men have managed to bridge the divide between TNA and WWE with one amazing super power: the ability to heal from head trauma. You have no idea what I would give for members of my fantasy football teams to develop this skill. Come on, Jordan Reed, I need you. Angle and Show would have been out there taking hits for me by now. They've earned this ranking. Do you think Show is eligible in my league as a Tight End?
3. Randy Orton. Why is Orton ranked so high? He is the WWE Champion, and according to Daniel Bryan, he has a kick ass tour bus. Having seen Orton's DVD documentary from years ago (when he was married and wasn't dating a total diva), I can attest to the goodness of his bus. His character is stale and fairly pointless, but man, is he arriving to be stale and pointless in style.
4. Magnus. With just one win standing between him and the (interim) TNA Championship, Magnus is closer than he has ever been to the promised land. What's sad is how great Magnus was as a babyface in the Main Event Mafia and how so much of his likability is being stripped away. Alas, Magnus still belongs on this list, at least until the real champion gets back from his Kenny Powers-esque voyage.
5. Jeff Hardy. A win in the TNA Championship tournament was gifted to Hardy by a clumsy Bobby Roode and an ill-placed table. Hardy has benefitted multiple times in his career from table placement and continues to use them as allies. With the tables on his side, can Hardy be stopped in the finals? Tables may have been the Dudley's trademark, but they are Hardy's best friends.
6. Michael Cole. Cole is regularly required to be one of the worst performers on wrestling television on a weekly basis, but sometimes I am forced to give him credit. When you can lie as convincingly as he did on Smackdown when he discussed how the World Heavyweight Championship doesn't share a lineage with the WCW Championship, you have to get some credit. Cole is great at allowing odd propaganda to spill forth from his mouth.
7. Johnny Gargano. Once again, Gargano stole a fantastic indie show with a phenomenal performance. He's becoming the "it performer" on the indies and I have a feeling we'll be seeing some "farewell to Gargano" shows before the end of 2014. See this guy in an intimate environment while you can. Also, according to his tights, he is "All Heart" which doesn't make physiological sense, but is a nice sentiment.
8. Timothy Thatcher and Oliver John. This is a random indie tag team you must look up. I had never seen them team together before Saturday night, but they are excellent. They aren't the classic indie team throwing 1,000 Superkicks and even more dives per match. They're an old school wrestling team perfectly capable of working in any environment. Look them up, then book them on your indie show. You won't regret it.
9. John Cena. While he talks a big game about how much winning the WWE Undisputed World Unified Heavyweight Title Championship would mean to him, he has no idea how interesting it wouldn't be. Cena is already the top star in all of wrestling without a true challenger. Somehow, WWE has built to the point where the good guy winning in the least compelling option on pay-per-view. Oh well. At least someone (likely Cena) will get to have a super cool two belt celebration.
10. The Slammy. This is a major week for the little gold guy. Slammy's are being handed out on Raw and being celebrated, likely all through Smackdown. I would love to see someone use them permanently as part of their act (like Owen Hart), but it's an awful lot to throw in the old carry on. For the next couple of shows, I'll just appreciate The Slammy for what it is, a trophy.
Just missing the cut: Zema Ion's sound board, Big E Langston, Damien Sandow, The Rhodes Family, Stephanie McMahon, The Shield, The Wyatt Family, Daniel Bryan, Bobby Roode, and Drake Younger.
Nowhere near this list: Joseph Park, Christopher Daniels, Eric Young, Kazarian, Abyss, Zema Ion's sound board, The Ballard Twins, R-Truth, D.J. Hyde, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
12/09 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Dec 9, 2013 - 03:02 PM
Dec 9, 2013 - 03:02 PM
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