By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by four out of five top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. The Authority. It has been made ridiculously apparent just who the most important people in the biggest wrestling company in the world happen to be. For this reason, it's hard not to make them the top characters in in all of wrestling this week. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon are so important, even their vacations justify ranking. Now, with them back, tanned, and refreshed, nothing can stop them from doing whatever it is they do while Raw bores people for three hours and fifteen minutes.
2. Bobby Roode. Roode managed to beat James Storm up so bad, Storm's own partner feared for his safety and threw in the towel in a match where towel throwing was never in the rules. I'm not going to pretend I understand Florida Death Matches or know why one had to occur, but I know Bobby Roode is set for a compelling run as TNA's top heel. It's time to scale Dixie Carter back and let Roode take center stage.
3. Randy Orton. Orton is back to punt kicking. Orton is back as WWE Champion. Orton is back to having stare downs with John Cena. It's weird, because I thought I lived through 2009 about four years ago. Randy Orton's heel character hasn't taken off. His high ranking this week is because he isn't Big Show, which instantly makes him not the worst act in wrestling.
4. Gail Kim. The Bret Hart of Women's Wrestling was the cornerstone of the very good and very well developed Knockouts Division during the first half of this year. Now, she is the only piece remaining. TNA's attempt to rebuild around her (with the open challenge concept) is actually producing some fun and compelling television. I'm happy to see Kim wrestling some indie standouts on a weekly basis, even in short matches.
5. A.J. Styles. In my mind, A.J. Styles is traveling around the world Kenny Powers style, leaving a trail of hookers, cocaine, and random racial epithets behind him. I know this isn't true in actuality, but I can dream. Long live the Kenny Powers/A.J. Styles personality matchup I keep imagining!
6. Ethan Carter III. Undefeated has to mean something and with the Kansas City Chiefs losing to Denver last week, the last undefeated entity in the sporting world is EC3. Some have questioned his competition, the catchiness of his entrance theme, and how often he flexes, but one cannot question his record. Well, unless Taz and Tenay are stupidly arguing about it. I guess you can then.
7. John Cena. It's hard to think of something more boring or more stale than John Cena's feud with Alberto Del Rio. Cena, as a character, is his old reliable self. As old reliable, I can rank him, but I can't really enjoy him. John Cena is putting me to sleep right now.
8. The Aces and Eights Social Media Intern. Let's be serious, the most valuable member of The Aces and Eights, from their early days to the end, was the social media intern. He never had a prominent onscreen role. He never was seen riding his motorcycle around cautiously. He was never in a cage match. He did, however raise social media awareness of the group by 45%. He also had "Aces and Eights" trending all over the state of Ohio once. This kid is going places and the end of this group is nothing but good for him.
9. Roman Reigns. Reigns is a last minute addition to this list, based on his Survivor Series performance. He eliminated four men. He did so using one basic move. Reigns is definitely one of the future stars WWE wants to get behind. If he can learn to do more than spear folks and say his own name, I'll get behind him a little more as well.
10. Dixie Carter. I love people from Nashville. I really do. I don't think there is any nicer group of people on earth than those from Nashville, Tennessee. I also love people who support wrestling. They're the best. Dixie Carter combines those two things and somehow makes them a negative both not television and in mainstream media interviews. It's kind of stunning.
Just missing the cut: Mark Henry's shiny head, Gunner, Big E Langston, Ken Anderson, Bully Ray, Chris Jericho, The Shield, The Wyatt Family, The American Pitbulls, Brie Bella, Daniel Bryan, Brie and Bryan's dog, Matt Flynn, and The Gobbleddy Gooker.
Nowhere near this list: Joseph Park, Christopher Daniels, Eric Young, Kazarian, Abyss, James Storm, Creepy Sting Fan, Alberto Del Rio, Big Show, JBL, R-Truth, Xavier Woods, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at email@example.com or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
11/25 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Nov 25, 2013 - 11:04 AM
Nov 25, 2013 - 11:04 AM
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