By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by most top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. Abeyance. Just when it looked like abeyance was down and out, he makes a sudden jump, the likes of which we haven't seen since Lex Luger and Rick Rude, and goes from losing the WWE Championship on Sunday to gaining the TNA World Championship on Thursday. With an assist from Dixie Carter, abeyance has made wrestling history. No man has held both the WWE and TNA Championships in the same year, let alone the same week. Abeyance is making history in 2013 and we're all ridiculously lucky to witness it.
2. Big Show. It takes a big man (pun intended) to overcome the loss of his nickname and a lifetime ban to force a company wanting nothing to do with him to make a new t-shirt for him. Big Show, who should probably be called Paul White, but is still called Big Show, is doing the impossible in WWE. Despite not having a contract and being the bane of The Authority's existence, he is still managing to make his standard entrance and wear his WWE created merchandise. Why can't all fired wrestlers be fired like Show?
3. Bray Wyatt and The Wyatt Family. The devil seems to be influencing Wyatt quite a bit. While I am certainly not a fan of the devil, it is interesting to see The Wyatt's shoot up the card. On Monday night, they attacked the two men who have been top babyfaces for WWE for the past three months. C.M. Punk and Daniel Bryan may soon have to convince the devil not to make Bray do anything else. Hawaiian shirts and rocking chairs have never seemed so threatening.
4. John Cena. JBL said it on Monday night. Superman is back. He defeated Alberto Del Rio, Damien Sandow, and the Real Americans (with some assistance) this week. He had good matches with all of them. Cena also seems to be transitioning back to his street persona. It's only a matter of time before the chain, the throwback jerseys, and the "Word Life" theme music come out again. Is John Cena's career in a Benjamin Button-esque situation? Will he soon be slapping an approximation of Kurt Angle explaining ruthless aggression to him?
5. Bobby Roode. Bobby Roode has perfected the most dangerous technique in professional wrestling. It's very complicated and very difficult. Roode has found a way to cause his opponents to knock themselves out while performing signature maneuvers. He began working on it in 2012 at Slammiversary when Sting did so. Now, in two consecutive matches, Roode has made Kurt Angle do this. Roode is poised for a big run of freak coincidences. If only Roode had a finisher of his own to end matches as well, he could dethrone abeyance.
6. Jay Briscoe. Not only has Briscoe been medically cleared to compete in Ring of Honor once again, he is doing so with his own hillbilly version of the ROH Championship. The belt includes the confederate flag, which is super classy, and a bearded skull. Jay is making his return this weekend to face Kevin Steen (at the time this was written, this match has not occurred). Will the oddly offensive World Championship be at stake? Can ROH emulate WWE and maintain two separate World Championships? Does anyone desiring the Jay Briscoe title have to grow a beard? There are so many unanswered questions in ROH right now.
7. Damien Sandow. Never before has a Money in the Bank loss meant so much (potentially because John Cena was the only other man to lose his cash in and Cena no sells loss the way he no sells DDTs on the concrete floor). Damien Sandow entered Monday's Raw as an afterthought with a chocolate briefcase and he left it a star. Followup is key, but Sandow, after showing his vicious side against Cena, is more relevant than he's ever been.
8. C.M. Punk. It's about time we see C.M. Punk do something new. I was as excited as most fans about the idea of a Punk and Paul Heyman feud, but the execution from the end of August to this moment was severely lacking. Punk can tell a great story and he has the chance to do so with Bray Wyatt and company. Punk is in the position to make a star for the first time in a long time (Curtis Axel doesn't count, since he was never quite dynamic enough to be made).
9. A.J. Styles. It's hard out there for a pimp, but it may be harder for A.J. Styles. This week, Styles has been stripped of the TNA World Championship. Reports coming out of some trailer park in Georgia suggest Styles was indeed trick-or-treating with the title and was dressed up as himself (complete with his emotional leather jacket). Styles was then seen trying to smuggle the title into Mexico for undisclosed purposes. Reports have also indicated the car Styles stole and/or was given by Dixie Carter has run out of gas. Stay strong, A.J. I believe in you.
10. Daniel Bryan. If you thought Styles' week sounded bad, imagine Daniel Bryan's! Bryan lost the WWE Championship match at Hell in a Cell after showing he could defeat Randy Orton for the 127th time. Then, when he confronted his mentor, Shawn Michaels, about Superkicking him out of the title, Michaels was unapologetic. Even after all of this, he had a road case rolled into his head by Bray Wyatt. Bryan's life seems to be one catastrophe after another. He remains on this list because he is engaged to Brie Bella, who is awesome.
Just missing the cut: Kurt Angle (head trauma kept him just one slot away), Roman Reigns, Big E Langston, The Uso's, Magnus, Dixie Carter, Norv Fernum, Ethan Carter III, Shawn Michaels, Adam Cole, The Young Bucks, and El Torito.
Nowhere near this list: The car A.J. Styles stole, Hulk Hogan, Heath Slater, Los Matadores, Alberto Del Rio, Zeb Colter, Tamina, The Miz, The Minnesota Vikings, Gunner, James Storm, The Bro-Mans, Joseph Park, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
11/03 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Nov 3, 2013 - 03:00 PM
Nov 3, 2013 - 03:00 PM
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