By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by four out of five top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. Triple H. Ever wanted to know how a really good heel gets heat, while not forcing the fans to love them (as so many heels seem to do)? Watch what Triple H did on Monday night. A great heel needs a great babyface. A great babyface needs a great heel. It's a symbiotic relationship. Triple H had a very over babyface to brutalize. E brutality was excellent. Kudos to Trips for going all out with this heel action. Kudos to me for abbreviating the abbreviation for Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
2. Bray Wyatt. This slot almost went to Eminem for writing a perfect song to encapsulate the Cena vs. Wyatt feud, but Wyatt, with his recent performances, earned this. I had my doubts about this feud going in, but Bray has kept himself in this feud with some amazing mic work. Who would have predicted Eminem would be exactly what Wyatt needed?
3. Daniel Bryan. It takes two to present a great ass kicking and Bryan did an admirable job of accepting his on Monday. Bryan played the perfect never-give-up babyface. He was excellent fighting against the odds. He knew he couldn't win, but he tried. This is how babyfaces should act: noble and stupid. Bryan is pretty good at this whole professional wrestling thing.
4. Dixie Carter's Empty Chair. Not every chair gets to be the star of an office segment with Bully Ray, but this chair did. It actually proved to be a better actor than the person normally occupying it. Dixie Carter's office chair delivered one of the best performances on Impact this week.
5. Summer Rae. Every good TV show needs a villain. WWE realized this long ago. While Eva Marie was a quality season one villain for Total Divas, he surprise marriage and engagement necessitated a new villain to be added. Summer Rae fits the description perfectly. Plus, apparently she has the sex occasionally and gets to slap someone. Good for Summer Rae.
6. Bobby Lashley. Lashley, on Thursday evening's Impact, proved to be over with some of the worst fans in wrestling (Thanks Impact Zone!). He also seemed to be in pretty good shape. Who knows if Lashley has gotten over the things that kept him from being a major star in the past, but people are cheering for him.
7. Mr. T. I pity the fool who doesn't realize how important Mr. T was to wrestling history. He hasn't been seen on WWE TV since some random Raw in 2001 where he sported a 1-800-COLLECT shirt. He has been missed. I'm glad he finally decided to take WWE's sweet Hall of Fame money. I'll bet it was a tough personal decision for him.
8. Undertaker's Hair Dresser. Every time Undertaker appears on television, it seems to be with a different hairstyle. After grooming 'Taker's long locks for many years, Taker's hairdresser is finally getting to express some creativity. Who knows how "The Deadman" will look when the hood comes off next? Will he have some short stubble up top? Maybe it'll be the mohawk! Who knows, we could even get compete baldness! Undertaker is more of a mystery than ever thanks to his hair dresser.
9. Eva Marie's Dad. Sometimes I wonder if Eva Marie knows she has the perfect father for reality television. He is able to sum things up, make bold sweeping statements, and act like he is at his wit's end with life almost effortlessly. Way to go and congratulations to Eva's Dad on the new son-in-law.
10. The Shield. The Shield literally turned babyface on Monday night (well, they at least literally turned. I'm not one to misuse the word "literally" like Michael Cole). I am happy to see the group staying together (at least for now) and I'm happy to see the fans get a chance to cheer them. I'm pretty sure many people have believed in the Shield for a long time.
Just missing the cut: Paul Heyman, John Cena, Cesaro, Jack Swagger, Sheamus, Christian, Everyone in the Andre Battle Royal, and El Torito.
Nowhere near this list: TNA Impact Wrestling, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
03/23 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Mar 23, 2014 - 02:15 PM
Mar 23, 2014 - 02:15 PM
© Copyright 2014 by PROWRESTLING.NET