By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by four out of five top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. C.M. Punk. Work, shoot, worked-shoot, or whatever this Punk quitting situation is, it has people talking. It isn't just a wrestling story, but it's a mainstream story. Punk is never more relevant than when he is threatening to leave or gone. This week, in a weird way, Punk regained his Summer 2011 popularity. Sadly, this popularity works for one return match, but fades when he is around for any length of time. This is Punk's curse. He's most wanted when he's gone.
2. Daniel Bryan. In a way, Punk quitting helps Daniel Bryan. It made his WrestleMania path clearer. It made him the undisputed number one choice of the "smart/smark" fans. It made him WWE's only option to appease the fans who seek to hijack their live shows. Basically, Punk set Bryan up for success. Now, all we need is a little more seriousness from Bryan. Stop smiling and start kicking some ass.
3. Samoa Joe. Are these the ROH rankings from 2004 or something? Gosh. Seriously, y'all, Joe is never better than when he is threatening to kill people and kicking ass. TNA knew this in 2005 when he debuted, but they forgot it. They've remembered it momentarily and occasionally had him brandish a machete since. On Impact this week, Joe was a vicious man who wanted to fight and wanted the World Championship. This was a nice return to form.
4. Roman Reigns. Not only did Reigns break a Royal Rumble record with his performance last week, he wrestled at a main event level through one of WWE's annual marquee matches. Reigns seems to be improving week by week and it's crazy impressive. He already seems better than he did in his match with Punk on Old School Raw. Reigns is going to breakout in 2014.
5. Drake Younger. The nicest guy in wrestling was in rare form at PWG DDT4 on Friday night. He won a four way match with Johnny Gargano, Chris Hero, and Kyle O'Reilly to become No. 1 contender. He also gave the fans a great show. As a bonus, he also got some sweet tweet shoutout action from Mick Foley. Drake is a special talent and a really cool guy.
6. Antonio Cesaro. How awesome is it to see Cesaro in the Elimination Chamber? The impending breakup of The Real Americans could be an insane opportunity for Cesaro. I'm hoping to see him hit Zeb Colter with the Giant Swing sometime between now and Extreme Rules. Cesaro has a ton of potential and is just scratching the surface.
7. Chuck Taylor and Trent?. Winning DDT4 is a pretty big deal where I'm from. Winning it and declaring the entire crowd your best friends? That's unheard of. Chuck Taylor and Trent? are called "Best Friends" as a tag team, but they both debut on this list due to their ability to make around 400 people their best friends all in one night! We are all best friends.
8. MVP. Somehow, MVP managed to buy up enough shares of a company that is not publicly traded (and may only have 2-3 owners) to trigger some sort of hostile takeover. All hostility aside, MVP looked like a star walking out on Impact as the show went off the air. As tired as I am of authority figures, I'm glad the major moment was centered around MVP and not Tito Ortiz. This wasn't the weak August 1 Warning. It was a genuinely nice moment.
9. Summer Rae. This was a big week for Summer Rae. She did nothing of note on television, but she was added to Total Divas, which is the best wrestling show on TV. Summer is about to become a major star, just like Brie Bella is. Honestly, she seems super cool, so I'm excited to see her replace the ridiculously bland Jojo.
10. Batista. I found Batista to be comedically bad at the Royal Rumble. The man couldn't walk to the ring or throw a punch without getting winded. He's in terrible wrestling shape. He's also in terrible promo shape. He's also in terrible connecting with the crowd shape. Batista lands on this list due to his Rumble win and what will hopefully be a heel turn before WrestleMania.
Just missing the cut: John Cena, Brie Bella, Peyton Manning, The Wolves, Rockstar Spud, EC3, Magnus, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Candice LaRae, Ricochet, Rich Swann, and El Torito (who legitimately should have made the list).
Nowhere near this list: Whoever directs TNA Impact Wrestling and allowed wrestler feuding with each other to be seen backstage hanging out like idiots, Dixie Carter, Kurt Angle, the TNA Hall of Fame, Dolph Ziggler, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
02/02 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Feb 2, 2014 - 01:48 PM
Feb 2, 2014 - 01:48 PM
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