By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by four out of five top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. Daniel Bryan. They say there is no magical formula when making a star. This is completely true when one looks at the push of Daniel Bryan. Bryan is the most over guy in WWE going into the Royal Rumble. Fans are erupting every time he enters. It creates an atmosphere that makes people believe they have to get to an arena to be a part of it. Bryan is magic right now.
2. Batista's Skinny Jeans. I want to applaud the effort put in by Batista's skinny jeans on Raw. They managed to keep Batista's private bits all covered up and safe when under extreme pressure. Sure, Batista's legs are small and chicken-esque, but these jeans still had a lot to do. Thanks, Batista's Skinny Jeans!
3. John Cena. John Cena got paid what I assume was a full night of work even though he only showed up with about seven minutes remaining on Raw. He didn't have to say a word. He just had to chase Randy Orton wearing shorts. Hopefully John Cena can parlay this extreme lucky where no one noticed he was late into a WWE Championship win.
4. Goldust and Cody Rhodes. Part of me believes The Brotherhood will begin breaking up at the Royal Rumble. I hope this does not happen. Goldust and Cody have been amazing as a team. They have not had a single bad match. Their long matches on Raw have been a highlight of the show since fall. This team is the only thing WWE did right this fall. Let's keep it going!
5. Magnus. Not only did he extinguish the TNA fire of A.J. Styles, he also was able to eliminate Sting from the company. Magnus is on a roll of eliminating high paid wrestlers as their contractual obligations run out. Sure, he needs about 43 run-ins to do it each time, but Magnus is a fighting champion or something like that.
6. C.M. Punk. He may be number one in the Rumble, but being forced to wrestle "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn (who would like you to know he is an ass man) lands Punk at number six in my Countdown. Punk has a good shot at making the final four in the Rumble and an outside shot at winning. Sadly, he'll probably be stuck in a feud with inexplicably heel D-Generation X for the next few months. Hopefully heel DX includes their Run-DMC "King of Rock" theme music from 2000.
7. Kurt Angle. Angle officially earned the ability to be a Hall of Fame wrestler in TNA after getting up and walking away from the opportunity at Bound for Glory. Apparently he did have to earn it in a cage match against Roode, even though this was never established. Way to go, Kurt. Get that TNA Hall of Fame t-shirt.
8. Randy Orton. It's an accomplishment to be an absolutely boring WWE World Heavyweight Champion. His match with Kofi Kingston was like sleepwalking through quicksand. His confrontation with Batista reminded me of how average their past matches together have been. I can't see anything compelling concerning Orton coming anytime soon.
9. Velvet Sky. Velvet made a major stand for feminism a couple weeks ago when she volunteered to be placed inside a cage during Austin Aries and Chris Sabin's match. I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge what a brave move this was.
10. Dixie Carter's High Powered Attorney. He wasn't quick enough or smart enough to see the hostile takeover of TNA coming, but he is going to inform us about it and how it happened. His acting was awful, but his spirit will live on forever.
Just missing the cut: John Cena's Dad, Brock Lesnar, Bork Laser, Ethan Carter III, Vince Russo (or as I like to call him, The Investor), The Shield, Bray Wyatt, Austin Aries, and Batista.
Nowhere near this list: Dixie Carter, The Authority, The Wolves, MVP, The Bro-Mans, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, Alberto Del Rio, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
01/26 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Jan 26, 2014 - 02:25 PM
Jan 26, 2014 - 02:25 PM
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