Diva on Divas Week 8: Dot Net's resident diva on Total Divas - It's the wedding of the century (or at least the season) plus John Cena kind of commits to Nikki Bella, and more!
By Will Pruett
Well folks, it's over for now. Since this is the mid-season finale of the Diva on Divas series, I'm going to have to wrap up some loose ends and start some interesting drama for November. Eh. I'll just do what I always do.
My wedding day was pretty awesome. The wife and I put together a nice party for our friends and families to come to and celebrate with us at. It wasn't overly dramatic. No one almost quit, then didn't. It was a pretty basic wedding. The only real drama was me, due to a lethal combination of forgetfulness and traffic, not getting to the site of the wedding until five minutes after it was meant to start and not even wearing my suit yet. That was actually pretty funny. The rest, was calm.
Now, my wedding probably would have been pretty boring on a reality television show. I balled like a baby through most of the ceremony and my wife could barely talk because of a cold. When watching a reality TV wedding, one almost wonders if these things are staged.
I know at my wedding, no one who had recently confessed their undying love and devotion to either myself or my wife was present. Yet, at this reality TV wedding, the tan man (Jaret) had to come and interrupt the pre-wedding preparation to make sure TJ Wilson knew he had feelings for Natty. Why did he do so? I'm assuming it's because he is actually an idiot. I hope he takes fewer risks with his spray tan business than he does with his love life.
What else happened on this wedding day? Well, the less cool Bella Twin couldn't make it because she was hanging out with her boyfriend. The super cool Bella Twin did make it, as did her super cool boyfriend. The wedding itself had to be moved to an indoor location due to rain. Natty cried a lot. Her dad looked like the largest man in history.
Overall, it was dramatic. Reality TV weddings have to be dramatic and they must included a moment where everything goes awry. The most "only on Reality TV" moment on this show was the confrontation between Natty and TJ before the ceremony when TJ asked about Natty and Jaret's tendencies to call, text, and email each other, even after the love confession. Did either of them really think it was dramatic enough to express the possibility of not getting married? I mean, the dude works in a tanning salon. He can't be a threat.
Picking up the pieces:
- This was the "Nikki meets the Cena's" episode of Total Divas and it delivered a fair amount of Cena's. Of course, since the show isn't Total Cena's, the focus was more on how Nikki reacted to the family and how Cena reacted to Nikki's reactions.
- I don't doubt the existence of a friendship between Natty and Nikki, but the dramatic moment of Natty hearing Nikki wasn't attending her wedding a little much. I like to think Natty reacted similarly to every RSVP card in the mail regretfully declining the invitation. So many tears were spilled on those cards.
- Why was the cast of the show in the front row of the wedding? I know the Hart family isn't pretty, but shouldn't those seats be reserved for them? Aside from Natty's mom, were any of the Harts even invited? I would have expected them to fill the entire room the wedding was held in (which looked bear).
- Ariane had two horrible and frightening things happen to her on this episode. The first, was being rushed to the hospital with some extreme lady pains. This was cured by drugs and rest. The second, and more dangerous misfortune, was her inviting Vinnie back into her life, despite his absolute cluelessness and stupidity. Don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten the lack of intellect constantly shown by Ariane, but this is dumb even for her.
- Vinnie, somehow, managed to make it through the wedding ceremony and reception without hitting anyone, threatening anyone, getting ridiculously intoxicated, or spilling anything. I'm proud of him.
- Damien Sandow could have a great career as a wedding and reception MC.
- Eva Marie got a chance to stand at ringside, which apparently is a big opportunity, even if the person getting it obviously has no idea what they are doing. Poor Jojo actually believes this means she is losing out. Even a novice wrestling viewer obsessed with this show must see the joke this is.
- Speaking of Eva and Jojo, they have decided to break up. It was amicable, but a little tense. I'm guessing this will force Jojo to join a family where a man already has many wives and create a spin off combination of this show and Sister Wives which I would also be forced, by my own poor taste in television, to watch.
- John Cena made a big commitment to Nikki Bella in asking her to move in with him. I mean, he didn't actually commit to anything permanent, but it seemed like a commitment moment. We found out on the after show (which I won't be covering in-depth at this moment) that John Cena has absolutely no interest in marrying Nikki Bella. This story looks like it will only get sadder, at least until he buys Nikki a jet ski or something.
- Brie Bella caught the bouquet. I would be chill if season two included a "Daniel" Bryan Danielson and Brie Bella wedding. It would be way cooler than some loser who couldn't muster up more romance than a courtroom and his mom marrying an ever-patient legacy wrestler.
November on Diva on Divas: John Cena won't put Nikki Bella on the lease, Daniel Bryan's main event ascension puts stress on his relationship with Brie Bella (PLEASE DON'T BREAK UP!), Eva Marie and Jojo continue to pointlessly travel to Raw, and more!
You know what's great? When your feedback doesn't annoy me. Give it your best shot and feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow me and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime. Basically, let's be best friends.
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