Powell's Blog: New and innovative TNA characters revealed!!!

Posted in: Powell's Blog, MUST-READ LISTING
Oct 31, 2013 - 02:55 PM

TNA's latest attempt to become a true alternative to WWE is led by A.J. Styles morphing into C.M. Country and feuding with a Southern Belle version of Stephanie McMahon. The investigative team has learned that the new direction doesn't end there. We have confirmed the following list of new and innovative characters that will be debuting on TNA television in the very near future.

Cha Cha: Austin Aries becomes TNA's new dancing sensation. He's very particular about how his name should be pronounced. TNA fans will love the catchy new theme song that Dale Oliver has produced for the character. Hum along and point your fingers in the air like you just don't care!

Winter Rae: Cha Cha needs a dance partner, so Katarina Waters is returning with a minor addition to her previous TNA name.

The Blockade: Garett Bischoff, Wes Brisco, and Knux will repackaged as riot gear wearing trio. They will start off red hot and capture the imagination of fans everywhere only to get zero character development, then settle in as henchmen for Dixie Carter.

Hector Guerrero: Dixie will name him the new general manager of Impact. Hector will get under the skin of TNA fans by saying "Pardon Me" at the beginning of his promos.

Daniel Christo: Christopher Daniels stops shaving until he looks like a homeless vagrant and then begins yelling, "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" The catchphrase might not seem like much on paper, but TNA officials are very confident that it will become a phenomenon once he loses in 18 seconds at Bound For Glory.

Bully Rayback: Er, never mind.

Big Joe: The newly named Samoa Joe loses everything other than his knockout punch. Dixie takes advantage of his financial misfortune by purchasing his home out of foreclosure and forcing him to do her evil bidding. After weeks of blubbering and doing horrible things to keep a roof over his family's head, Big Joe inexplicably stops caring about his family and punches out Serg Salinas. Big Joe eventually drives a big rig inside the Impact Zone for no good reason.

El Taquito: Joseph Park's new masked persona. Because the only thing better than a little person dressed up like a bull is a big person dressed up like a bull.

Los Cock Fighters: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez are repackaged as a bad mask wearing duo who join forces with El Taquito.

The Bleeding Heart Americans: Something tells me these guys won't take too kindly to the cock fighters. Kurt Angle and Magnus form a new politically charged team led by mouthpiece Sal Franken (Jim Mitchell), who closes out his promos with the rally cry of "We The Peaceful."

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