WWE Live Event
Newcastle, England at Metro Radio Arena
Report by Dot Net reader Kevin McClurey

It was a lovely 6 degrees C outside, and very very wet. What follows is my real time report of the evening.

15:30 - Not a good start to the evening when my friend Andrew managed to be late for the pub. How hard can it be to put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt at the right time? Anyway, once in the pub, I got myself a tasty pint of beer and a bag of cheese and onion crisps while I waited for my "friend."

16:00 - Andrew and Michelle finally arrived, now I had someone to talk to. Yay!

16:30 - It was time to wonder what we should eat. It was looking like it was going to be a mountain of nachos to share, posh toad in the hole for me (bet you don't get THAT in America), chicken tortillas for Andrew and double smothered (yes DOUBLE) chicken for Michelle. All with more beers. Obviously.

18:00 - It was time to walk down to the arena!

18:30 - We arrive at the arena where we met Chris, who is generally a bad influence on us all, to find a disappointing range of merchandise on sale. The best selling items all appear to be John Cena related, despite the fact he won't be here! There's also a huge number of people in Rey Mysterio masks, but there don't seem to be any on sale. At least the huge merchandise queues make it easy to get another round of beers in!

19:00 - Finally time to start the show! The arena looks to be only about 70 percent full, a big drop on the Raw shows of the last few years! An announcement tells me I'll be arrested for using my cellphone to send this email.

1. Finlay (w/Hornswoggle) defeated Tyler Reks. Hornswoggle and Finlay were out first, much to Andrew's dismay. A lot of people were not sure who Reks was, good hair, though. Tyler Reks bailed early on for no good reason. Finally, we got underway. This match seemed to be mostly that they take turns throwing each other out of the ring.

Sadly, neither of them landed on Hornswoggle, who came into the ring only to get thrown down by Reks. He got up, only to start juggling. Yes. Really. Then he ran around the ring for Finlay to jump over him. Hornswoggle went under the ring for the shillelagh and passed it to Finlay for the win. Hmmm. Now its time for the tadpole splash to a huge cheer.

2. Mason Ryan defeated Chavo Guerrero. Apparently, Ryan is Welsh and was on Gladiators. Same as Brutus Magnus then. Oh good. Chavo said Ryan isn't a Guerrero either. He said he'll be waiting for anyone in the crowd after he finished kicking this guys butt. Hmmm, I wonder who's going over here then. An impressive series of power moves from Ryan before Chavo goes for a suplex which was reversed.

Chavo finally got in a few moves but it was obvious where this one was going. Chris went for a wee at this point. Chavo just got thrown up in the air and landed on his face. Ow! Mason Ryan won with some sort of F5 type move. Andrew said Mason Ryan is the poor man's Batista. He has a point.

3. Drew McIntyre defeated Chris Masters. Drew McIntyre came out to a mixed response, but a huge cheer from Michelle. She's Scottish though so we'll forgive her that. Chris Masters came out to face him. I can't cope with dancing titties, so I'm going to the bar. Drew stated on the mic that he's not playing a bad guy wrestler, that he's wrestled here many times, that he's been on many nights out in Newcastle, and that he really genuinely hates Newcastle. He said that we're all Paul Gascoigne lookalikes of one type of another. Don't google him, he's an embarrassment. Right, now to the bar! Yum Fosters. When we get back it seems Drew won. Michelle likes him, a lot. Andrew should be worried.

4. Dolph Ziggler defeated MVP and Kaval in a Triple Threat match to retain the Intercontinental Title. Mr Ziggles out first, followed by Kaval (no one knows who he is, until you tell them he used to be Low-Ki). Finally, it was MVP to an unexpectedly huge pop. The match started out with MVP and Kaval double teaming Dolph. Andrew was disappointed that Vickie Guerrero wasn't here. He's on his own. Ziggles won with a pin on MVP, and made the referee fasten the belt on him. MVP did his finisher on a celebrating Ziggler, then Kaval came of the top rope with a painful looking stomp type move.

5. Edge and Rey Mysterio defeated Cody Rhodes and Alberto Del Rio. Mysterio seemed to be kissing children on his way to the ring. Cody got on the mic to tell us not to sit down as we were in the presence of two of Smackdown's top superstars. Not Edge and Rey Myserio, oh no, Cody Rhodes and Alberto del Rio, obviously. High energy match that hid the fact Rey is injured well. Rey did a good babyface in distress by trying to get the hot tag from Edge, who finally tagged in to a huge pop! Mysterio hit a 619 on Cody followed by the spear for the win for Rey Mysterio and The Rated R Soooooopastar!

2040: Intermission, huge queues for merchandise, and more importantly beer! Huge queues for beer so I'll just have a wee and get beer during the divas match that's bound to be on next.

6. Kelly Kelly defeated Layla. Sure enough, two minutes after intermission it was Smelly Kelly (as Andrew put it) vs Layla, who did some sexy stuff with a big ball (I'll leave the perverted stuff to you). Smelly Kelly threw the ball at Layla and we were underway. Smelly Kelly won with a rollup. Layla and Kelly brawled after the match, and were interrupted by Hornswoggle biting Layla on the bum (lucky lucky leprechaun). Layla then collapsed in the corner where Smelly Kelly went for the stink face (lucky Layla!). Horny then collapsed waiting for his own stink face from Kelly. Funny.

7. Kofi Kingston defeated Jack Swagger (w/Soaring Eagle). Andrew went for beer now. Thwagger's thoaring eagle is a great gimmick for house shows, and the crowd loved it! It turned out the bar was shut. Disappointing! There were a mix of "let's go" chants for both men. There were big giggles in our section for Andrew's "let's go Eagle."

It was an even match until the eagle pulled Kofi off the apron to give Thwagger the advantage. Me and Andrew wondered whether the Thwagger's Thoaring Eagle is actually the Gobbledygooker? Chris thinks it could be. What do you think? There was a close two count following a boom drop from Kofi and the crowd thought it was three. However, Swagger got the ankle log (because he's not a Kurt Angle rip off or anything). Gobbledygooker tried to interfere. Swagger accidentally hit him and Kofi landed Trouble in Paradise for the win.

Afterward, Swagger was on the mic to tell us as he and his eagle are Americans, and thus they call the shots. He said the last match is struck from the record. He was interrupted by the Big Slow. Swagger told the Eagle to get him, and slow chokeslammed them both.

8. Big Show defeated Kane by DQ in a World Hvt. Championship match. Out came Kane for the main event of the evening. Oh goody. Following a brief discussion, I was informed by Michelle we really did have to stay for this rather than just leaving early and having another beer. Andrew loved the fast pace of this match..... Michaels vs. Taker it was not.

There was a ref bump followed by a Knockout Punch from Show. He went for the cover. Oh, no ref. Swagger interfered followed by all the heels for an assault on the Big Slow, who won by DQ. Big Slow was rescued by all the baby faces. There was a big group celebration to close what was a pretty average show.

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