WWE Raw on the USA Network
Live from Baltimore, Md.

[Q1] The opening video kicked off the show... Michael Cole introduced Raw by claiming it was "cable television's hottest show." Jerry Lawler checked in and hyped Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton for later in the show. Cole hyped Verne Troyer as the special guest host...

Powell's POV: Did they avoid hyping Orton vs. Kingston a week out because (a) it will be a quick match with a cheap finish, (b) they didn't know what they were doing until a few hours ago, (c) all of the above?

Chris Jericho and Big Show came to the ring for a promo. Jericho said they were there to expose that DX are not the best team in WWE. He boasted that they have been the Unified Tag Champions for four months. He ran through a list of teams they've defeated. Jericho said they've been champions since their first night together, whereas Triple H and Shawn Michaels have been together since 1997 and have never worn the tag titles.

They ran through their list of accomplishments as highlights aired behind them on the big screen. Show pointed out that he's been the WWE, WCW, and ECW Champion. He said his right fist is a lethal weapon that has knocked out some of the biggest stars in the industry, including Hunter and HBK. Jericho pointed out that DX has never been in a TLC match before.

The DX music played. Hunter and Shawn headed to the ring. Cole said that while they've never been in a TLC match, it's the type of match they thrive in. Hunter said DX makes history. He said they've been at the forefront of every revolution in the industry, and they've amassed an army along the way. Hunter said the fans believe they same thing they do, which is that you grab life by the throat and make it give you what you want.

Shawn took the mic and pointed out that they'll be in his hometown of San Antonio for the TLC match. Shawn and Hunter pointed out that they can capture the Unified Tag Titles and get Jericho off the Raw show. Hunter reminded everyone that Jericho was only allowed on the show because he's a Unified Tag Champ.

A small group of fans sang the "goodbye" song at Jericho. He paused while hoping the rest of the fans would join in, but no luck. He said it bothers DX every day that they've never been the tag champs. Hunter and Shawn couldn't even pretend it bothered them. Jericho said he and Show are simply better than DX.

[Q2] Hunter said two weeks can't come soon enough for him. He said Jericho has two weeks remaining on Raw. "The clock is ticking," Hunter said. "Let's make every second count. You and me tonight in this ring." Jericho looked apprehensive, but Big Show whispered in his ear.

Jericho accepted the match. Show took the mic and said the condition is that Jericho would face DX in a handicap match next week if he loses to Hunter, but Hunter would have to face JeriShow in a handicap match next week if he loses to Jericho. "I have four words for you," Jericho said. "I'm never leaving Raw"...

The announcers hyped the Orton vs. Kingston match for later in the show... [C]

Powell's POV: It's like deja vu all over again with the handicap match stipulation. The opening segment was rather lifeless. It wasn't horrible, it just didn't pack the same punch that most of the opening segments do. It's nice to see they are trying to make up for the lack of Orton vs. Kingston hype by making a big fuss over it during the show. They've plugged it two or three times already.

Highlights aired of the Divas match from last week and the Maryse angle that took place afterward...

Melina and Gail Kim came to the ring. Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed Maryse while Jillian Hall stood by. The interview concluded with Maryse saying, "Gobble, gobble," and Jillian finishing it off by singing the world gobble...

1. Maryse and Jillian Hall beat Melina and Gail Kim in 3:00. Late in the match, Melina went for her finisher out of the corner, but Maryse held onto the ropes. Maryse followed up with a DDT and pinned Melina...

Powell's POV: I wish they'd put some thought into the women's division. The booking is just so basic for the women.

The announcers recapped Sheamus winning the Breakthrough Battle Royal and the contract signing on last week's show... A shot aired of Sheamus walking backstage. The announcers said viewers would hear from him after the break...

[Q3] [C] Did You Know that fans from all 50 states and 22 countries have purchased WrestleMania tickets already?...

Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduced Sheamus for a match. Sheamus came out and motioned for the microphone. Roberts obliged and then left the ring. Sheamus cut a basic promo about winning the WWE Championship and making John Cena take him seriously...

Santino Marella came to the ring for a match against Sheamus. Santino took the mic and mocked Sheamus for obsessing over Cena and not mentioning him once during the promo. Santino said Sheamus thinks he's after his Lucky Charms. Sheamus eventually kicked Santino and then beat him down.

Cole went into somber voice mode while saying he didn't think the bell rang to start the match. Sheamus hit the Razor's Edge. He went to ringside and grabbed a table, which he set up in one corner of the ring. He picked up Santino and drove him through the table

Powell's POV: WTF was Cole so somber about? Sheamus threw punches and kicks at Santino just like any other match and Cole was already using the somber voice. The nice thing is that he was so somber that he mumbled to the point I could barely hear him. That said, he should be putting over Sheamus's moves, not acting like a disappointed bitch whenever Sheamus comes to the ring. The followup on Sheamus was weak. He beat up Santino. Big deal. Everyone beats up Santino in WWE.

Backstage, Big Show and Chris Jericho were walking when the spotted Verne Troyer talking on the telephone. Troyer stopped his conversation long enough to say hello to Big Show. However, he blew off Jericho... [C]

[Q4] Justin Roberts introduced Verne Troyer as the guest host. Troyer was already seated on a chair that was set up on the stage. Cole said Show and Troyer filmed a movie together, so that's how he knows him. Troyer said he had a great time at SummerSlam, but The Miz was an obnoxious jerk.

The Miz came out and stood next to Troyer. "Really," Miz said. "I'm inconsiderate. Really? Really?" Miz said he didn't remember seeing Troyer at the SummerSlam party. He pretended he didn't see Troyer and said he almost stepped on him. Miz knelt down next to him and said he feels awful.

Miz offered to give him one million dollars while impersonating Dr. Evil. He said he would call Troyer "Mini Miz." Troyer responded, "Like I haven't heard that one before." Troyer said Miz hasn't made any movies, which surprises him since they've made two Jackass movies.

Troyer said he's a better actor than Miz and is better with the ladies. Miz said he had no problem kicking Troyer like a football. Mark Henry's music played and he walked out and stood next to Troyer. Miz referred to Henry as "The World's Blandest Man." He called him Fat Bastard and did the "Get in his belly" line.

Miz said Henry and Troyer should get off the stage because the only thing anyone will remember is that he's The Miz and he's awesome. Troyer said that as bad as he wanted to knock the smile off Miz's face, he has someone else in mind. Troyer booked Miz vs. Henry for later in the show...

Powell's POV: The Miz made the most out of the segment, but there's only so much you can do with overplayed Austin Powers material.

The announcers hyped Orton vs. Kingston for after the break... [C]

Kofi Kingston came out for his match against Randy Orton. Before he made it to the ring, he was attacked from behind by Cody Rhodes, who ran him into the ring post. Three referees came out. Two escorted Cody backstage, while the other tended to Kingston. The referee asked Kofi if he still wanted the match. Kofi said he wanted it.

[Q5] Orton's music played, but Ted DiBiase hit the ring from out of nowhere and attacked Kingston. DiBiase went after Kingston's left knee. He was quickly run off by the referees while Kingston remained in the ring selling a knee injury.

The referee asked Kofi if he still wanted the match. Kofi, who was clutching his knee in pain, said he wanted the match. Manu and Sim Snuka ran out. Okay, I'm making up that part...

2. Randy Orton pinned Kofi Kingston in 3:05. Orton worked over Kingston through 2:30. Kofi threw a series of punches, but Orton kicked his bad knee and then hit the RKO. ORton covered Kingston and got the pin. After the match, Orton knelt down by Kingston and grabbed him around the head. Orton picked him up and set him on the top rope and then DDT'd him...

Powell's POV: They should have hyped this a week out. Sure, the match didn't have a happy ending, but they made Kingston sympathetic and put heat on Orton. Good use of Cody and Ted before the match. By the way, Cole should have used the somber voice after the DDT, but he already burned through it earlier for no reason.

The announcers hyped that Troyer was hosting the show before the break. Why not just go to break and let fans digest the Orton attack?... [C]

Backstage, MVP and Troyer were playing the latest WWE video game when Mark Henry entered the room. Jillian Hall also came in the room and said something about singing a Beyonce song. She sang and Henry danced behind her until he tripped and squashed her. The live crowd cheered. "Hey, guys," Troyer said. "I think she's dead." He went back to playing his video game...

Cole said this was the day the music died. Nice line. They ran through the pay-per-view lineup. No new matches were announced...

[Q6] A shot aired of a sports car arriving at the building. John Cena stepped out wearing his new orange gear. He had the WWE Championship over his shoulder and was trying to look determined or constipated. It's hard to tell sometimes... [C]

John Cena came to the ring. He was plenty pissed. He said that if Sheamus beats him, he intends to use his rematch clause at the TLC pay-per-view. He recalled telling Sheamus that he better be ready for war. "Tonight, we go to war," Cena yelled. Cena said it's his turn to make a statement. He said it will be Cena vs. Sheamus tonight for the WWE Championship.

Carlito's music played and a clean-shaven Carlito walked to the ring and grabbed a mic. Carlito said he doesn't know or like Sheamus. He said there's a whole locker room full of people hoping that Sheamus beats him at TLC. He said it's not just Raw, the Smackdown and ECW locker rooms feel the same way.

Carlito said the reason they are all rooting against him is that they're tired of him, his hats, and wristbands. He said Sheamus is going to do to Cena what they wish they could. Carlito said Cena might represent the people, "but Sheamus represents us." Carlito said Cena's reign over WWE ends at TLC.

Cena got all serious and said Carlito's mouth talked him into a fight he doesn't want any part of. He held the WWE Championship up and dared Carlito to take him down. "It's party time," Cena said. "Let's go." He removed his hat and t-shirt while nothing that Carlito didn't like them. He told him to do something about it. Carlito bit the apple like an idiot, only to have Cena punch him in the mouth. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment on Carlito and cleared him from the ring.

[Q7] Sheamus's music played. Sheamus walked onto the stage and glared at angry Cena. "Come on," Cena yelled. Sheamus continued to glare at him, but then just walked away. The announcers said they assumed we wouldn't be getting Cena vs. Sheamus tonight...

The announcers hyped the main event and Miz vs. Henry... [C]

Powell's POV: The live crowd loved Angry John much more than I did. I've just heard Cena deliver these rally cry speeches one too many times to take them seriously at this point. Carlito was great. It's just too bad he looked like such a jackass for taking a bite out of the apple and expecting Cena to stand there and let him spit in his face.

After the break, Troyer was seated on his stool on the stage. He asked the fans if they were having a good time and then introduced Mark Henry. MVP came out and said the fans should prepare themselves for an epic moment. He hyped up the crowd for Henry "rocking the mic." Henry delivered some embarrassingly awful rap routine... [C]

Powell's POV: I'm not a big rap fan, but I know enough to know that was horrible! I'd rather listen to Jillian Hall sing than suffer through Mark Henry rapping again. Are they bringing in the No Limit Soldiers or something? Good lord, that was awful.

3. Mark Henry defeated The Miz in a non-title match in 2:00. Cole said it was a big match for Henry because he could earn a title match by beating Miz. Troyer watched from the stage. No word on whether that was by design or if they forgot to take him off the chair. Henry caught Miz jumping off the ropes and hit the World's Strongest Slam for the win.

[Q8] Troyer cheered from the stage. Cole said maybe Henry should rap before all his matches. Lawler vetoed that idea. Henry joined Troyer on the stage. Verne said he wanted to celebrate. "Bring the ladies out," Troyer said. The celebrity whore Bella Twins, Eve, and Kelly Kelly came out and danced... [C]

Powell's POV: All this shitty singing and dancing makes me feel like I'm watching a bad episode of Solid Gold with Dionne Warwick. I guess this is better than the Little People's Court that they teased last week and have yet to even mention tonight. Here's hoping Troyer showed up and said he wouldn't go through with such stupidity. By the way, we've had three matches so far tonight.

Doofy Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is the guest host for next week...

Backstage, Triple H told Shawn Michaels he had a dream that they had been summons to Little People's court. Shawn said he had the same dream. Hornswoggle showed up and did a bunch of grunting. They had subtitles for Horny's grunting. He said they ignored his plea for legal discourse "and left him little choice but to seek further prosecution." Hunter and Shawn brushed him off and walked away. Troyer rolled into the picture on his motorized scooter device and encouraged Horny to sue DX "for everything they've got"...

Powell's POV: Shit, I jinxed us by mentioning it. I guess they just ran out of time for Little People's court because they had to make time for Mark Henry rapping and the Soul Train dancers. Three matches in one hour and 53 minutes.

4. Triple H defeated Chris Jericho in 10:40. Shawn Michaels sat in on commentary. Just when I assumed Big Show was backstage lobbying to play an accordion on next week's variety hour, his music played and he walked to ringside less than a minute into the match. Hunter was distracted by Show's music and Jericho capitalized before the break.

Powell's POV: We had just over eight minutes of match time prior to this match. Technically, Sheamus also beat up Santino earlier, but it wasn't an official match and it lasted roughly a minute.

[Overrun] After the break, Big Show was also on commentary. He was seated next to Cole, while Michaels was seated next to Lawler. Late in the match, Hunter hit a spinebuster on Jericho. Show stood up. Shawn tried to cut him off from the ring, but Show shoved him into the ring apron. Show hit the knockout punch on Hunter.

As the referee was ordering Show to the back, Shawn hit Sweet Chin Music on Jericho. The referee saw it and ordered Shawn to leave too. Jericho and Hunter got to their feet at the same time. They countered each other's finishers. Jericho went for the Walls of Jericho, but Hunter kicked him into the corner and then rolled him up for the win.

The announcers hyped DX vs. Chris Jericho in a handicap match as the main event of next week's show with Mark Cuban as the special guest.

Powell's POV: Well, I guess the nice thing is that there weren't as many viewers watching tonight because of the big football game. I wish I had been among those viewers. Four matches, three Soul Train dancers, and one rapping Kool-Aid Man. Maybe Little's People Court wouldn't have been so bad after all. Thanks for watching along with me tonight. Dot Net Members will be listening to me bitch about the show later tonight. You can gain instant access to all Dot Net Audio on the ad-free version of the website for only $5 per month by visiting the Dot Net Members' Signup Page.

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