WWE Raw on the USA Network
Live from Mohegan Sun, CT

[Q1] Lilian Garcia introduced Jeremy Piven, who came out in a Pontiac Trans Am. He pulled Dr. Ken out of his trunk. Ken looked like a pimp and acted the part. Piven said he wanted to “do this” his entire life. He also wanted to do something else. He ran up the aisle and posed like Kurt Angle while pyro went off behind him...

The Miz came out to the ring. He said he was an acclaimed TV star. Piven said he and Dr. Ken were here to promote their new movie, “The Goods, Live Hard and Sell Hard.” He kept calling him “Le Miz.” Ken was acting up, so Piven put a binky (pacifier) in his mouth. Miz said he wanted John Cena and ordered Piven to make it happen. Cena’s music hit and he came out to the ring.

Cena reminded everyone he did not have a problem beating Miz. He said Piven was the guy to make Cena vs. Miz interesting. Cena dropped a few “delivering the goods” lines. Piven made a lumberjack match for tonight between Cena and Miz. Piven said if Miz lost, he would be banned from “Summerfest.” Cena quickly corrected him by saying “SummerSlam.”

Piven said, “Yes, SummerSlam, and Summerfest, whatever that is.” Piven then said if Miz lost tonight, he would be banned from his hometown Staples Center in Los Angeles. Cena whispered in his ear and Piven then announced that a Miz loss would result him in being banned from Raw forever. They sang “Goodbye” to Miz...

Twill’s Two Cents: I was hoping to see Piven play a heel tonight, but even his face character has heel like tendencies, which is a credit to Piven himself and further evidence that he should have played a full blown heel tonight. The “Summerfest” line was pathetic because it put forth my fear of a celebrity that doesn’t really follow the product. Dr. Ken is just annoying.

Michael Cole promoted Triple H vs. Legacy tonight... [C]

[Q2] The WWE Rewind showed Jack Swagger losing to Evan Bourne last week in the Beat the Clock Challenge...

1. Jack Swagger defeated Evan Bourne in 2:17. Swagger came out with a very serious and pissed off look on his face. Jack used amateur wrestling holds early on. Evan tried a standing moonsault and Swagger put up his knees. Bourne scored the first nearfall after countering (again) the gutwrench powerbomb. Swagger then hit the gutwrench powerbomb for the surprising quick victory...

After the match, Swagger continued to attack Bourne but MVP made the save. MVP did not receive much of a reaction... [C]

Twill’s Two Cents: That was odd. Why even give Bourne the win last week just to have him be squashed this week and the focus placed on MVP vs. Swagger? Could have done without that, especially since Swagger vs. Bourne could be something special.

[Q3] Footage was shown of Shaquille O’Neal hosting Raw last week and the footage it garnered on ESPN and other outlets. Chris Jericho and Big Show’s involvement with Shaq and Cryme Tyme was chronicled. A poll was put up asking the audience who would win a match between Show and Shaq...

Backstage, Piven was hanging with Kelly Kelly and some other WWE broads. Piven and Dr. Ken made fun of Big Show and Show came up behind Ken. Show challenged Jeremy Piven to a match but Piven decided to book Show vs. Kofi Kingston for the United States Championship. Dr. Ken scared off the girls and Piven’s trailer played in the background...

Twill’s Two Cents: Piven is a notorious ladies man so it made sense to see him hanging with the WWE divas. Dr. Ken is annoying as hell.

Mickie James and Gail Kim made their way to the ring... [C]

A trailer from “The Goods...” was shown. I’m on this. I think it is going to be good...

2. Beth Phoenix and Jillian Hall defeated Mickie James and Gail Kim in 3:20. Jillian still works for WWE? Mickie scored the first nearfall with a top rope Lou Thesz press on Beth. The heel team quickly took over the offensive advantage on the diva’s champion. Gail received the hot tag and hit a missile dropkick on Jillian. Beth made the blind tag and hit her finisher for the dominating win...

Twill’s Two Cents: Last week, Beth started to reestablish herself as a dominating force in the women’s division on Raw and this week was another huge step for her. WWE can put as many people in the top program as they want, but it will never be as good (without Natalya) as Mickie vs. Beth.

[Q4] Footage was shown of Legacy screwing Triple H out of his match last week. Triple H was shown making his way through the backstage area...

A Summer Slam ad was shown... [C]

Did you know? Raw was watched by more males in the 18-34 demographic than any (yes, they underlined it) show on ABC, CBS, NBC, or all of cable. Nice...

3. Legacy (Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes) defeated Triple H in a handicap match in 11:16. Rhodes and DiBiase are tagging in and out. Hunter enjoyed the early advantage on Cody and then Ted. By the way, would it have killed them to give Legacy some mic time or at least a backstage segment with Randy Orton? Hunter knocked both men from the ring... [C]

Cody was in control coming back from the break. He and DiBiase exchanged several quick tags while kicking Hunter in their corner. DiBiase scored a nearfall after both he and Rhodes hit a double team suplex.

[Q5] DiBiase hit a powerslam off of an Irish whip for another nearfall for Legacy. Hunter knocked DiBiase from the apron before Cody could make the tag. He then whipped him into the barricade. Back in the ring, Hunter was in control. He threw Rhodes into DiBiase and attempted a Pedigree, but Ted came back in and hit Dream Street (Million Dollar Dream into a slam).

Cody rolled over on Hunter and scored a nearfall. He then hit Cross Rhodes (twisting reverse DDT) for the win. It was anticlimactic because of the way referee Scott Armstrong does his count. I think the crowd thought Hunter was kicking out...

After the match, Hunter grabbed the mic and yelled, “Owwww.” He asked the crowd if “these guys are that good?” Triple H said he was good at gang warfare, so maybe he should bring back one of his groups. He thought he could bring back Evolution but Orton was a jerk, Batista was getting hurt all of the time, and Flair was signing autographs at the VFW. He said all he needed to do was make one phone call, “and if you’re not down with that, I’ve got two words for ya...” [C]

Twill’s Two Cents: I think Hunter could have allowed Legacy to enjoy their victory for more than a few seconds, but I like that he admitted he was not Superman and could not beat them on his own. That was solid. The digs at Batista and Flair were entertaining as well. I hope the announcers don’t play dumb about DX. Say what you will, but I like DX because it keeps Hunter away from the title and they are entertaining.

Piven, Dr. Ken, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, and Rosa Mendez were watching a promo for “The Goods” when Chavo Guerrero came in. Chavo thought Piven was Joe Rogan and then Jon Favreau. Piven kept calling him “Charo.” He put him in a match with Hornswoggle and made it seem like it would be a straight one on one match. After Chavo left, he told Dr. Ken he had a plan for “Charo.” ...

[Q6] 4. Carlito defeated Primo in 3:09. Primo impressed early with his quickness and scored the first nearfall with a big closeline. He followed up with a suicide dive to the floor. After some impressive action from Primo, Carlito scored the win with the backstabber...

Twill’s Two Cents: Hmmm, a non-advertised three minute match between Carlito and Primo, the former (and first) unified tag team champions. That should tell you a lot right there. That being said, Primo could be very exciting, perhaps in TNA or ROH.

John Cena vs. The Miz was promoted... [C]

An advertisement for ECW was shown, plugging Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer in an Extreme Rules Match for the ECW Championship...

5. Mark Henry defeated Chavo Guerrero in 1:10. Piven appeared on the big screen and said Hornswoggle contracted “adult chicken pox.” He replaced him with his cousin, “Markswoggle.” Henry came out with Horny’s green hat on. Henry made short work of Chavo.

[Q6] After the match, Henry pulled back the apron curtain and Horny came running out. Henry lifted him into the ring and set Chavo up for Horny to hit the tadpole splash. Henry and Horny started dancing. Wow. Henry did a jumping heel tap...

Twill’s Two Cents: Remember not too long ago on ECW when Finlay and Hornswoggle used to knock out Henry every week with the shillegleh? I like Henry as a babyface but I am not thrilled seeing him dancing with Hornswoggle. I wonder how happy Chavo is to have a job at this point.

Kofi Kingston and Big Show were shown split-screen walking through the backstage area... [C]

Backstage, Dr. Ken was wearing a purple pimp jacket. Jeremy Piven was approached by WWE Champion Randy Orton. Piven tried to make Orton the special ring announcer for the John Cena vs. Miz match. Orton said if he could kick Vince McMahon in the skull, why couldn’t he do the same to either of the guest hosts? ...

6. Kofi Kingston defeated Big Show by disqualification to retain the United States Championship in 5:12. King promoted the 7-11 cup promotion. He said he had the Kelly Kelly cup. Cole said he had the John Cena cup. Dork. Shaq won the online poll by a count of 83% to 17%. Chris Jericho came out with Show and joined the announce booth. The JeriShow music sucks.

Show manhandled Kofi early on as Jericho correctly called the action. Jericho said Show was a new man. Show hit a middle rope reverse splash for a two count but Kofi put his foot on the bottom rope. Kofi hit TIP and a top rope double leg drop for a two count. Show hit a spear. He then hit a series of kidney punches in the corner and ignored the referee, who rang the bell...

After the match, Show continued to beat on Kofi as Jericho talked shit to him. Show and Jericho posed in triumph... [C]

Twill’s Two Cents: Jericho has done the next to impossible and that is make Big Show interesting again. Jericho in his suit and Show dominating in the ring is intriguing to me. Jericho is so money.

[Q8] Extended footage of Legacy vs. Triple H from earlier in the show was shown. Cole called Triple H’s comments “strange.” Gee, I wonder what Hunter was talking about? Backstage, Hunter made said phone call. Shawn Michaels (presumably) on the other end, told Hunter he was not watching the show.

“I thought you didn’t do jobs.” Hunter told Shawn he needed him and that he “always says he is never coming back.” He told Shawn he only had one question for him. “Are you ready?” Apparently, Michaels hung up the phone as Hunter was met with a dial tone...

A trailer for “The Goods” was shown. Jordana Spiro (My Boys) is in the movie. If Piven wasn’t reason enough to see it, Spiro should put you over the top...

John Cena made his ring entrance... [C]

Sgt. Slaughter was named the guest host for next week’s show...

Twill’s Two Cents: Well, that is a letdown.

After Miz made his entrance, Piven and Ken came out and turned heel. Piven said while he was a fan of John Cena, he was a bigger fan of Randy Orton and that he hand picked every single lumberjack. Ken heeled the crowd and told them all to shut up. Orton, Legacy, Swagger, Carlito, Chavo, and Chris Masters all came out to the ring...

Twill’s Two Cents: Nice! Piven makes a great natural heel and although this is a one week only thing, this was pretty well done. By the way, why is Chavo down there? I know he is a heel and all, but Piven screwed him over earlier in the show. Also, this won’t hurt Piven’s movie promoting because his fans are fans of Ari Gold anyway.

[Overrun] 7. John Cena defeated The Miz in a handicap match in 5:15. Miz took advantage of having heel lumberjacks by throwing Cena to the floor. Masters applied the Master Lock and Miz scored a nearfall in the ring. Cena fought back with his “vintage” moves. Thanks Cole.

Cena went to the ropes to hit the “You can’t see me” fist and Orton pulled the top rope down. Dr. Ken handed his pimp cane to Miz, who tried to hit Cena. Cena avoided it and hit the FU for the win...

After the match, Piven went to the top rope and tried a high cross body on Cena, who caught him. Dr. Ken hit Cena in the back with his cane. Cena no-sold it and dropped Piven to the ground. Ken tried to tell Cena he did not do anything. Cena played along, but ended up press slamming Ken onto the heel lumberjacks...

Orton and Legacy (in new shirts) stared down John Cena. Piven could be seen in the background slapping fan’s hands...

Twill’s Two Cents: I guess Miz cannot defeat Cena regardless of the circumstances. I loved Piven’s heel turn, although it didn’t make a lot of sense for the heel lumberjacks to remain on the floor and not attack Cena. Piven’s wrestling move was impressive. It looked like Dr. Ken hit his head really hard on the floor so I hope he is okay. I’ll have more to say about the show tomorrow.

What did you think of the show? Feel free to let me know by shooting an email to dotnetrich@gmail.com.

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