Smackdown on MyNetwork TV
Taped on 3/30/09 in Dallas, Tex.

[Q1] The opening video aired. Maryse’s music hit, and she made her way to the ring as Jim Ross and Tazz welcomed us to Smackdown!

Shore’s Slant: I guess that’s the last time I’ll ever write that huh?

Michelle McCool was introduced as her partner. Gail Kim was out next. A video recapped Gail Kim’s triumphant return last week in the Maryse/McCool match. And by triumphant I mean I almost missed it. Maria was out next…

1. Gail Kim and Maria defeated Maryse and Michelle McCool at 3:12. Maria and McCool started out. McCool whipped Maria to the ropes and Maryse got a cheap shot on Maria’s back. Maria turned around and clocked Maryse, and then turned around into a big boot. McCool and Maryse tagged back and forth. Gail Kim got the hot tag at 2:16. Kim crushed Maryse and drop kicked McCool as she tried to come in for a save. Kim did a cool move where she set her foot on Maryse’s face, held her arm, and then fell on her own back. Kim hit a double arm neck breaker for the win…

Backstage, Eve interviewed MVP. MVP cut a promo and said tonight was the first step in a three step program. Step one was to beat Benjamin. Step two is win MITB. And step three is cash in MITB. Benjamin c broke in and said MVP had no idea who he was facing tonight. MVP put over Benjamin, but said he still couldn’t beat MVP…The announce team hyped the match for later and then previewed footage from Axxess…[C]

Shore’s Slant: If Kim did any of those moves in TNA, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had to cover that garbage so I don’t watch it. The match was supposed to hype the Mrs. Wrestlemania Battle Royal, but it just bored me. Too little too late for this match. And what a waste with Kim. I have to say upfront, I’m not real hopeful for this episode. It’s the go home show for Mania and I think we will be disappointed. I pray I am wrong.

[Q2] The Hardy vs. Hardy Wrestlemania commercial aired…Footage was shown from Axxess as Todd Grisham and Jerry “The King” Lawler. Grisham asked Lawler who would win the Hardy match. Lawlwr said he was the wrong person to ask. He said he had the South plus the points in the Civil War. They introduced a video package the recapped the Hardy feud…[C]

The History of Wrestlemania promo aired…More footage was shown of Axxess and we returned to Grisham and Lawler. They talked about the triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship. A video recapped the world title feud…Grisham hyped Edge for next…[C]

Shore’s Slant: WTF is this? I realize Tazz is no Bobby Heenan, but he and JR have been on less than Todd F. Grisham? This is basically a two hour version of the countdown that will be on at 6:30 (EDT) on Sunday. It’s like when Heat used to intro the PPVs. Except this is all we get. No PPV to follow.

[Q3] A video of the Houston skyline was shown as Grisham and Lawler took up the triple threat match again. They played another video from Raw this week that recapped Edge’s beat down on Cena after Show pinned him. Edge was shown all alone in a chair petting the World Heavyweight Championship. He said he had an epiphany while he was beating Cena down. He said his focus had been clouded by the selfish desires of his wife. He said he remembered while he based Cena’s head in that he was the best at what he did. He held up the belt and said that backed up his words. He talked crazily about never letting the belt go. He said Show was bigger than him, and Cena was stronger than him, but he was better than both. He said he would prove it at Wrestlemania…[C]

[Q4] Back to Axxess, Grisham and Lawler hyped Kid Rock at Wrestlemania. They talked about Santino’s Mankini. They replayed the entire Diva’s match from Raw. And Santino’s part. The WHOLE thing. I shit you not. The announce team hyped the Diva’s match at Wrestlemania and then the US title match for next…[C]

Shore’s Slant: I didn’t know there was a US Title match at Mania? I thought those two guys were in MITB. What? Oh. That match is tonight? Oh right! I forgot. The Santino think is utterly stupid…until he dips and pops up. I fall out every time. His dance is classic.

The Wrestlemania XI video aired…Shelton Benjamin was out first. A video recapped MVP’s win over Benjamin for the belt. During MVP’s entrance, the announce team hyped MITB…

2. MVP defeated Shelton Benjamin to retain the United States Championship at 6:56. Benjamin started out wailing on MVP. MVP ducked a clothesline and hit a flying fore arm. Benjamin kicked MVP in the knee and powerbombed him into the corner. He tossed MVP to the floor and then whipped him into the stairs. Benjamin rolled him back in the ring for two. Benjamin continued to work on the back.

[Q5] MVP fought out, but Benjamin hit a power slam for two and locked in a modified Camel Clutch. MVP stood up and fell backwards. He went to pick up Benjamin, but Benjamin hit a chin breaker. MVP moved for the Stinger splash and flipped a charging Benjamin for two. MVP worked quick strikes and slams. He hit a double thrust to the throat, followed by a facebuster and his Ballin’ Elbow for two. Benjamin reversed a whip into a big boot for two.

MVP tossed a charging Benjamin over the rope, but Benjamin landed on the apron. He quickly climbed the ropes and hit a flip neckbreaker off the top for two. Very cool spot. MVP reversed a whip to the corner, Benjamin caught the top rope and kicked up, and MVP ran under him. Benjamin charged and MVP hit a stiff big boot. He followed it up with the Playmaker for the win…The announce team hyped Zeke vs. Jeff Hardy for later…

Shore’s Slant: They still didn’t get the time they needed, but it was a good seven minutes I guess. I’m happy MVP retained, and I would love to see him win MITB, though I think it might be Christian. It occurred to me how messed up creative did this year’s Mania. Orton and Hunter should have never touched each other, but beat the hell out of each other. The Hardy’s have barely touched, and really need that level of physicality to make me excited for an Extreme Rules match.

Back to Lawler and Grisham. They showed more footage of Axxess. They ran down the Wrestlemania card. They hyped a replay of the end of Raw for next…[C]

[Q6] Back from commercial, Grisham hyped Hardy vs. Ezekiel for later. They played a video package that recapped the Orton/Hunter feud while Randy’s promo from Monday played over top. It went into an AC/DC song and ended rather abruptly…

The Wrestlemania XIV promo video aired…More footage of Axxess was shown…Lawler and Grisham mentioned the Jericho/Legends match and then the Hall of Fame…

[Q7] The Austin HOF video aired…A commercial hyped the HOF ceremony on USA…[C]

Nicole Titsinger or whatever her name is did her Wrestlemania commercial…Lawlwer and Grisham hyped Jeff Hardy vs. Zeke for next…They played a replay from the HBK/Taker altercation on Raw…Another video package recapped how the entire feud…And then the required 12 Rounds trailer…[C]

[Q8] A video recapped Jeff Hardy’s win over The Brian Kendrick a couple of weeks ago, and his beat down of Zeke during the match. Hardy came out and his face paint made him look like the bad guy from silent westerns and a teenage mutant ninja turtle had a love child. I’m just sayin.

3. Jeff Hardy defeated Ezekiel Jackson w/The Brian Kendrick at 5:00. Jeff started by striking Zeke. Zeke mauled Hardy and powerslammed him. He pushed Jeff into the corner and charged in. Jeff hit a drop toe hold and then his sitdown corner dropkick. Zeke still managed to power into Hardy and tossed him around. Zeke locked in a bearhug so they could rest after the tiring minute they had just wrestled. After a full minute and a half, Hardy fought out and hit a Whisper in the Wind. Zeke popped up and then sold it on the ropes. Jeff clotheslined Zeke over the top and then hit a splash on Zeke and TBK.

Zeke managed to hit Hardy once and rolled him back in the ring. After that, all Hardy. Twist of Fate, followed by the Swanton for the win. Hardy celebrated in the ring while a replay video aired. JR and Tazz (remember them?) hyped brother vs. brother and then Wrestlemania as a whole. A final Wrestlemania commercial aired…[C]

Shore’s Slant: There was a match. It sucked. OK. This was the worst idea EVER! This was WWE’s final chance to convince those on the fence to buy the PPV. This was not compelling. This was just the opposite. I cannot believe that was the go home show for Wrestlemania. I’m just staggered at this point. Wrestlemania 25 better be worth it because I have never felt more apathy heading into a Mania. I hope you enjoyed…ah none of you enjoyed it. But thanks for reading anyway and I’ll see you next week

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