Smackdown on MyNetwork TV
Taped on 12/29/08 in East Rutherford, N.J.

[Q1] The opening video aired, followed by the pyro, and Jim Ross and Tazz welcomed us to Smackdown! They hyped the main event of The Hardys vs Edge and The Big Show…

Justin Roberts was in the ring and introduced Vickie Guerrero who came out smiling and waving to giant heat. She said, “Happy New Year!” She said 2008 was great but 2009 would be really fun. The live crowd is super hot. She announced that at the Royal Rumble Jeff Hardy would defend against Edge. She also said that the Smackdwon participants in the Royal Rumble would be announced later. She said happy New Year again and went to leave, but Triple H’s music hit and he came to the ring.

He wished her happy New Year. He said he was excited for the Royal Rumble and couldn’t wait to hear his name called as a participant in the Rumble. She told him he had to wait. He said he had a hard time waiting like the crowd. He said if she didn’t give them what they wanted, they would hound her at the Baskin Robbins, the Blimpie’s, and the hot dog stand. She said if he continued to hound her, he would not be in the Rumble. He said if that happened she could be fired and no one would buy her action figure. He held it up and picked on her. She finally announced he would be in the Rumble.

She told him to leave and he said he needed one more thing. He said he was playing with her doll and took the clothes off and he was confused. He took the top off the doll and said it appeared some things got bigger and some got smaller. The doll was shaped like Kelly Kelly, very nice. He said her doll was hot and that got him on the Internet and he “found them.” She asked what he found and he said her nude photos. He said they were on eBay and he had tried to win them but he keeps getting outbid by ChavoG2009. He said she better hurry because the auction closed in five minutes. She ran backstage while he mocked her saying, “Excuse me.” His music hit and he smiled in the ring…Backstage, Finlay, Hornswaggle, Khali, and Mini-Me were in a pjoto shoot and JR said they were in action next…[C]

Shore’s Slant: I was trying to eat but that killed it. How did the Vickie doll get so hot? And why didn’t her hubbie come out and protect her? And please God tell me there won’t be actual photos of Vickie. Aww. I threw up in my mouth. Damnit.

[Q2]The Umaga is a monster who is about to return video aired…Back in the ring Hawkins and Ryder (remember them?) were pumping each other up. Wow. That sounds gross…

1.The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh and Fit Finlay w/Hornswaggle defeated Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder at 4:02. Khali and Hawkins started off. Khali hit him and then brought in Ryder the hard way. He smacked their heads together and then Finlay distracted the ref as Horny ran in and did the same. A tag into Finaly led to Hawkins taking control and tagging out to Ryder. Finlay got the hot tag and Khali hit the Punjabi Plunge for the win. Post match, Finlay hit the Celtic Cross on Hawkins and Horny followed with the Tadpole Splash. All four men did Hornswaggle’s dance to celebrate…JR plugged the main event…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Not really sure what that accomplished, but it wasn’t a terrible match. We haven’t seen Finlay and his bastard son in a while so it was a nice New Year gift. At least they didn’t have Horny dressed up as baby New Year. Aww damnit, I threw up in my mouth again.

Back from commercial and Eve introduced Michelle McCool. She showed a video of McCool’s beat down on Maria last week. Eve said she didn’t understand, she thought McCool and Maria were friends. McCool said she thought her and Eve were friends too. McCool said, “What about me?” They went back and forth with McCool complaining and Eve taking up for Maria. Eve said all she had to do was apologize to Maria. McCool told her to do what she did best and tipped the mic back towards Eve…

Edge and Vickie were shown in her office. She was crying and he was raging about the pics on the Internet. The camera panned back and Big Show was also there. He said he saw the pictures and they were not bad. Vickie ran out and Edge verbally attacked Show. Show said Edge was hiding behind Vickie which was embarrassing. Edge said getting knocked out by a flyweight at Wrestlemania was embarrassing. Edge told Show to win the Rumble so he could face Edge for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania…Jesse and Festus made their way to the ring…[C]

Shore’s Slant: The Diva’s storyline would be cool if anybody cared. I tried, I just can’t do it. The Vickie pics thing is going to keep me sick all night. Please don’t let Festus be punked tonight. Please, please, please.

[Q3]2. The Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel Jackson defeated Jesse and Festus at 4:41. The bell rang and Festus cleaned house. He isolated TBK and tagged in Jesse. Jesse tagged Festus back in. TBK broke free and tried a splash off the top rope but Festus caught him and then sold a left knee injury. It looked real for a second, but Zeke tagged in and went to work on it. Kendrick came back in with a stomp on the knee from the top. Festus got the hot tag to Jesse and he destroyed TBK until Zeke came in for the save. Festus came in but got tied up on the ropes and spilled ringside. Zeke got a blind tag and hit his finisher on Jesse for the win…The announce team hyped the main event again.

Shore’s Slant: Kind of a chaotic match from these four. The knee injury looked weak as hell. I understand what they were doing, but it was just, well, weak. I keep hoping we will get Festus out of the rut they have him stuck in. So far, I’m really not impressed with this show.

[Q4]3. Vladimir Kozlov defeated Hurricane Helms 4:01. Helms came out to a solid response from the crowd. He was introduced at 205lbs so this should be ugly. And it was. A four minute squash of Helms. Helms’s total offense was two punches, one kick, and one drop kick. To quote Charles Barkley, “That was turrable.”...

JR hyped the announcement of the Royal Rumble participants next…A “making of” video for Kennedy’s movie, whatever the hell it’s called, was shown…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Kozlov is seriously running out of people to beat. Why squash Helms? What does it serve? He’s 205lbs. He already has to fight an uphill battle in every match, why put him against a beast? I don’t get how wrestlers are booked sometimes.

Back from commercial and JR was in the ring. He talked about the Royal Rumble, what it is, how it works, what the winner gets, etc. He said it was his honor to announce some of the participants. He announced Triple H, Big Show, Vladimir Kozlov, and Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin’s music hit and he came to the ring with a mic. He asked JR what was wrong with him. He said JR should have introduced him as the odds on favorite to win the Rumble. He said unless JR wanted to be the first person he threw over the top rope, he better leave. He said he had been the US champ for months and that he would headline Wrestlemania.

[Q5]He said he was the gold standard because nobody compared to him. He called out a bunch of superstars and held up his belt. From everywhere at once, Undertaker’s voice said “I think you forgot someone.” The lights went out and when they came back on, Taker was standing beside Benjamin. Benjamin tried to hit him but got choked slammed to a huge pop. JR said, “It goes without saying that the Undertaker will be in the Royal Rumble.” Taker went to one knee and posed in the ring…[C]

Shore’s Slant: The most fun in WWE is the surprise Undertaker attacks. The crowd goes nuckin futs and it’s just cool. It can get old when he’s in the main event storyline every week, but when it’s hit and miss it’s a ton of fun.

A Kizarny vignette aired and finished with the graphic, “It’s showtime tonight.”…Back ringside, Michelle McCool came to the ring. She got a mic and said that a friend of hers brought something to her attention. She said she owed Maria an apology. She said Maria couldn’t be there because of her, and she didn’t know if Maria could even hear her, but she was sorry. She asked Eve to come out as well. Eve did, and came to the ring. She said she was sorry for the way she had been acting. She asked if Eve would forgive her. Eve said of course and they hugged.

Eve climbed out of the ring and waved to some fans. McCool suddenly attacked her from behind. Bracelets went flying as McCool destroyed Eve, finishing by throwing her into the same pole that she threw Maria into. Refs came and broke it up and McCool backed up the ramp looking crazy…

Backstage, Chavo and Vickie discussed her pics. Triple H came in and Chavo got in his face. Chavo said, “Triple H.” Hunter said, “Gopher.” Chavo bucked up and said if his chest didn’t hurt, Vickie interrupted his thought. She said Hunter should apologize. He said she should apologize for having naked pics out there. She said next week, Hunter would compete in a tbale match, a handicap match, and a last man standing match. She said it would be called Triple Jeopardy. Hunter scowled at her…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Two gimmick matches in one night plus a handicap match? What the hell is on TV next Friday that they feel they have to put on a PPV style show? As much as I like Hunter, I don’t know if I can watch him destroy four people next week.

[Q6] Back from commercial and MVP was in the ring. He said, “Whoever I’m facing, send them out. Let’s get this over with.” Circus music hit and my long lost brother (and Hermanstyne’s man crush) made his way to the ring.

4. Kizarny defeated MVP at 6:27. Kizarny slithered around the ring and used a lot of high flying offense. JR and Tazz sold how weird he is and how he likes pain. MVP managed to get quite a bit of offense in to make it believable. At 5:02, MVP teased the Drive By but Kizarny dropkicked his knee and hit a sit-down dropkick as MVP lay on the bottom rope. MVP regained control and teased a move I should know but I don’t. Kizarny reversed it into a double arm underhook DDT thing that looked cool for the win. Post match, Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) came out, mocked MVP, plugged his movie, said his name and left…JR plugged the main event as next.

Shore’s Slant: I have to say, after all that build up, I was pretty underwhelmed with Kizarny. He was solid, didn’t blow any spots that I saw, and sold well. The problem is, he bored me. He has this great back story and I was bored to tears. I’m not sure what I expected, but this wasn’t it. Kennedy (Kennedy) coming out at the end to continue to mock MVP also took away from Kizarny’s debut. Poor job by creative.

[Q7]Back from commercial and JR and Tazz discussed the Triple Jeopardy for next week. No idea who he is facing. Also next week, The Colons will put the titles on the line against The Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel. JR predicted new tag champs…

Edge made his ring entrance. He got a mic and said, “Nude pictures or not, you will respect my wife.” He went on to say the crowd would respect him because he would be WWE Champion at the Rumble. He said they would probably blame him. He said he was blamed for taking advantage of Vickie, but a year later, they are still in love. He said he was blamed for trying to get rid of Hardy before Survivor Series, even though Jeff is a screw up. He said when this embarrassing moment in WWE history, known as Jeff Hardy’s title reign, comes to an end; blame him…[C]

Back from commercial and Show made his entrance. Matt Hardy came out alone next. Jeff was out next to a monster pop. His make up looks to be inspired by Kane’s mask tonight. After the less than spectacular matches tonight, I’m expecting good things from this.

[Q8]5. Matt and Jeff Hardy defeated Edge and The Big Show at 14:23. Matt and Edge started out. Edge locked in a headlock but Matt countered with a back drop. He tagged in Jeff and they hit a double elbow and then a combo leg drop/punch on Edge. Show tried to come in but they double sit-down dropkicked him to the floor. Edge charged them, but they threw him over the top and Show caught him. He set Edge down, told him to calm down, and rubbed where the Hardy’s had kicked him…[C]

Back at 5:30, Edge was working on Jeff. A replay during commercial showed Edge sending Jeff to the ropes and Show clubbing him. Edge threw Jeff to the corner, but he climbed the ropes and hit a Whisper in the Wind for two. Jeff tagged in Matt who went for a moonsault but missed. Edge tagged in Show and he beat down Matt. Show hit a suplex on Matt. Matt was in the air for like a week before he fell. Edge tagged back in and worked on Matt while staring at Jeff in between moves. Matt fought out of an arm bar, but was knocked down again and Show tagged back in.

Show tied Matt up in the corner and chopped and punched him. Edge tagged back in and locked in a headlock/body scissors. Matt fought back and teased a tag but Edge regained control and locked in a hammer lock. Matt fought out but Edge hit a big boot. For some reason, Show left. Nobody hit him or anything. He just…left. Edge watched him walk away and then turned around. Matt tried a Twist of Fate, but Edge countered into a sitdown reverse DDT for a two count. He looked for Show and then set up for the spear. He charged at Matt who kicked him and hit the Side Effect for two.

Jeff came in and they threw Edge into the corner. Jeff pushed off of Matt and hit their patented knee to the face in the corner. Edge staggered out and Matt hit the Twist of Fate and tagged in Jeff. Jeff hit the Swanton for the win. Post match, the brothers celebrated in the ring to end the show…

Shore’s Slant: Good match. I was not disappointed, though I’m sure my buddy and dotnet reader edgegirl7 will be. Guess who she’s a mark for? It was easy to predict the outcome and Show leaving, but it was so weird how they did. When I say nothing happened to Show, I mean nothing. There wasn’t even a moment when sweat hit him. He just left, which is really strange. All in all, the show was a disappointment. I expected more from Kizarny after the gazillion vignettes. There was no pay off to the Vickie pictures angle, and the Big Show thing was strange. Let’s hope the holiday funk is off next week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an eBay auction to win. Thanks for reading and see you next week.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com with whatever is on your mind.

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