By Chris Shore

WWE Main Event on ION
Taped on 2/5 in Jacksonville, Fla.

[Q1] The opening video aired, followed by the pyro, and Michael Cole and JBL checked in on commentary. Cole announced that McMahon had surgery and was home resting. JBL said there might be more patients now that Vickie Guerrero has signed Brock Lesnar…

Cody Rhodes's music hit and he came to the ring complaining about not being allowed to be in the Elimination Chamber. Cole tried to get Cody to go to the ring for the match with Sheamus, but Cody said he wasn't going anywhere until Booker T put him in the chamber match. He took a chair and sat in the ring. Cole told him that Booker T wasn't there because it was Main Event. I bet that was awkward when he came out for the Smackdown tapings. Cody said he didn't care, he wanted Booker T.

Sheamus's music hit and he came to the ring cutting a promo. He said they had a match and Cody should just take his Brogue kick like a man. Cody mocked Sheamus by doing a terrible Scottish accent. That wasn't a mistype. Sheamus said his impression sucked. Cody said this had nothing to do with Sheamus, and unless he was Booker T, he wanted nothing to do with Sheamus.

Sheamus did a pretty good imitation of Booker T by telling Cody to forget it. He followed up with a terrible Vickie Guerrero imitation and Cody said there were people in the office who owed the Rhodes family some favors. Sheamus asked if Cody would really go into Vince's recovery room and demand a title match. Cody said yes. Sheamus said Vince would say, "You're fired!" He was even more over the top than Vince is, but not by much. Cody hit him and Sheamus hit him back. Cody fled to the floor…[C]

Shore's Slant: Silly opening but harmless. I just hate that they have gone away from those "big fight feel" moments that had been the cornerstone of this show since its inception.

1. Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus. The bell rang as soon as the show returned. Sheamus hit several shoulder tackles and Cody fled to the floor. Cody returned to the ring under his own power and quickly took an Irish Curse backbreaker for two.

[Q2] Cole and JBL argued about whether or not rugby is worthy and other international affairs while Sheamus continued to pummel Cody. He tossed Cody over the top rope, but Cody skinned the cat and posed for the crowd. He turned around and Sheamus tossed him back over for the forearm smashes. Sheamus knocked Cody to the floor and then followed to slam him into the post and then hit a fall-away slam into the barricade. Cody sold on the floor…[C]

Shore's Slant: Holy crap. That was some indy stuff there with the slam into the barricade. I realize it's padded and guys bump on the thing all the time, but usually it's the guy taking the bump in charge of taking it. Sheamus had to be perfect there to keep from hurting Cody.

Back from commercial, Sheamus climbed to the top rope, but Cody ran up and kicked him. They crashed to the mat with Sheamus landing awkwardly on Cody. Cody went for CrossRhodes, but Sheamus pushed him away and hit White Noise. Sheamus setup for, and hit, the Brogue kick for the win…

Sheamus defeated Cody Rhodes at 14:02.

A video hyped CM Punk vs. The Rock at the chamber…[C]

Shore's Slant: Extended squash match for Sheamus. I hate that Cody Rhodes is the guy fed to him, but I take some solace in that WWE feels like Cody gives Sheamus something in the win.

[Q3] Damien Sandow made his ring entrance as Cole put over his tutorial on downloading the app from Raw. If he is goofing on himself then good for him. Sandow cut a promo about how Cody should be in the chamber match and the fans cheer about the albino Irishman. Sandow drew great heat and said he would avenge Cody's lost by defeating his arch nemesis. He summoned the goat face. Daniel Bryan made his entrance as a video showed his interactions with Kane from Raw. Holy crap that guy is over…

2. Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes. Both men hit quick strikes on each other and the match spilled to the floor. Bryan got the upper hand and rolled Sandow into the ring. Just as Bryan sneaked in, Kane's pyro and music hit and Kane came to the ring. Kane caused his ring pyro to pop and Bryan was shocked. Sandow hit Bryan from the distraction and followed with his neckbreaker for the win…

Damien Sandow defeated Daniel Bryan at 2:33.

Post-match, Kane smiled at Bryan and mouthed he was sorry. Bryan yelled at him from the ring…Backstage, Brodus Clay was walking backstage and saw the food tables. He stopped and Aksana walked up. She told Brodus he needed real women around. Tamina walked up and said she could be sensual. She ate cake like she was in a comedy and tried to touch Clay's face. Aksana said he needed to hire them.

The Funkadactyls walked up and they all bickered. Aksana called one of the Kofi and she got pissed. Clay pushed them back, but they broke free and threw some sort of slimy liquid on them before Clay dragged them away…The Raw Rebound was hyped for next…[C]

Shore's Slant: Oh no. The Funkadactlys are wrestling? Oh no.

[Q4] The Raw Rebound video was a very cool video that recapped the Shield being attacked on Raw. See this video! Another video showed John Cena telling the Shield about the match at Elimination Chamber…Clay and the Dactyls made their ring entrance. Tamina and Aksana attacked the women from behind and Clay looked confused…[C]

Shore's Slant: Awesome video. WWE has always put out hot videos, but some reach a new level. This was one of those.

3. The Funkadactyls vs. Tamina and Aksana. Clay joined commentary and Clay and JBL made fun of each other. Clay called JBL by LPG. JBL made a crack I didn't get but called Clay the Great Pumpkin later. Clay only stayed for a minute before going to be in the corner with his women. Cameron took the heat and Naomi tagged in with some very impressive gymnastics. She hit a crossbody on Tamina for the win…

The Funkadactyls defeated Tamina and Aksana at 4:36.

Shore's Slant: And just like that Main Event goes from being the must see show to WWE Superstars with actual superstars. What a shame. I'm not really sure what else to say about this episode. See the video of the Raw Rebound. Skip the rest. Cody vs. Sheamus isn't bad, but not worth sitting through. Thanks for following along tonight.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com or tweet me @TheShoreSlant with whatever is on your mind.

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