By Chris Shore

WWE Raw on USA
Aired Live from Minneapolis, Minn.

[Q1] A video recapped Eve kissing Cena last week, and the subsequent attack on Ryder by Kane. The show opened cold backstage with Eve and she started talking to the Bellas about the weather. One of the Bellas asked Eve how Zack was. Eve laughed at them and said she and Zack were never friends, and she was just using Zack She said everyone was talking about her, and now she was going to use Cena.

The Bellas looked shocked and Eve said that's what people do in this world. She asked them to record her telling Cena off in his locker room with her phone. Eve handed the Bellas her phone and turned around to see Cena standing there. Eve looked upset and tried to speak, but Cena just shook his head and walked away...

Shore's Slant: That was sudden. I mean, I realize it's a heel turn, and a much needed one, but that seemed inorganic and fake.

The opening video aired, followed by the pyro, and Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler checked in on commentary. John Cena's music hit and he came to the ring to the mixed response Jason Powell mentioned in his report from the arena.

Before Cena could speak, Eve came out with a mic begging to let her explain. The crowd booed her. She said "It was totally taken out of context." She continued to beg and Cena cut her off, telling her to speak up, and that she had said enough.

He said that Eve had been sipping the skank juice, and she planned to use her assets to further her career. Eve said they had been friends for a long time. Cena said because of her, he had lost a good friend in Zack Ryder, that he had lost a broski for a hoski.

Eve said she was just joking around. Cena told her not to settle for him, but to hold out for Rock. He said they were perfect for each other because they were both scandalous bitches. Eve dropped to her knees and cried, and the crowd chanted "hoski." Cena started to feel bad and help her up and she tried to kiss him or something. Cena threw his hands up and leaned back. A ref and some other guy ran out to pull her away. Cena took the mic and said he was disease free and wanted to stay that way before walking out. Eve had a breakdown in the ring and was finally helped to the back by the officials as a "We want Ryder" chant broke out...

Another video showed Undertaker cutting his hair again and said he would answer Triple H tonight...

Shore's Slant: What in the hell was that? I think I liked it, but it was just so different from anything I expected that I'm not entirely sure. I like the Eve heel turn, but the breakdown was odd. So I'm not hating it, I'm just confused by it.

[Q2][C] A commercial hyped the Super Smackdown for tomorrow night and announced CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan as the main event...Sheamus was introduced as the Rumble winner and as the man who would challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania. Mark Henry was out next...

1. Sheamus defeated Mark Henry at 3:13. So Mark Henry s well enough to work tonight but we have to have Santino and Khali in the Chamber? OK. Sheamus hit all his offense quickly and went for the Brogue kick. Henry moved out of the way and hit a clothesline. He lifted Sheamus for the World's Strongest Slam, but Sheamus escaped and hit the Brogue kick for the win.

Backstage, John Laurinaitis was telling David Otunga that everyone was talking about "Mr. Excitement." Teddy Long walked in and they all exchanged unpleasantries. Ace put off the double GM thing as coming from Otunga and said he had no idea that all those guys would come out on the PPV for him. Teddy said he liked the idea, but wanted to ask the people who should lead both shows. Ace said all that mattered was what the Board of Directors thought.

Ace announce a 10 man battle royal with the winner facing Punk at WrestleMania. Teddy said Ace had his five and he had his own five. Otunga asked if Teddy was saying Smackdown was better than Raw. Teddy said, but anybody on the Smackdown roster was better than Otunga. Ace said Otunga would face anybody from the Smackdown roster tonight. Teddy said Otunga looked like Pee Wee Herman's fairy god-mama...

Shore's Slant: Mark Henry is now doing enhancement matches. Unreal. And please don't let Teddy end up the GM of both shows. He sucks enough one night a week.

[Q3][C] The Rock was hyped for next week. Hope they showed it in the arena so Jason can have his face rubbed in it, though I do feel bad for all the other people there who got it rubbed in their faces. Nice work WWE...

2. R-Truth and Kofi Kingston defeated Epico and Primo (w/Rosa Mendes) at 2:22. Truth and Epico started. Truth started quickly, but Primo scored the blind tag and attacked from behind. Kofi got the hot tag and hit the Boom Drop. Rosa distracted him, allowing Epico to get in a cheap shot. Primo went for the backstabber, but Kofi slipped out and hit Trouble in Paradise for the win. The announce team put over the possibilities of a title shot now...The next Hall of Fame inductee was hyped for after the break...[C]

Shore's Slant: There's your WrestleMania tag title match. Book it.

Ron Simmons was announced as the new inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame...The announce team narrated video that showed Jericho's "elimination" from the chamber last night. They cut to the back and Josh Matthews started to ask Jericho about it. Jericho cut him off and said he was never eliminated and that was unfair. He asked how Punk could let a victory like that stand.

[Q4] He said that he was the best in the world at everything he did, and he knew it. He said tonight would be the end of the world as we know t and everyone in the battle royal would know it too...[C]

Shore's Slant: Congratulations to Ron Simmons on his induction. Excellent choice. Jericho continues to be uninspiring and is now promising that TONIGHT will be the end of the world. Sorry Chris, that ship sailed at the Rumble.

During the commercial, the WWE Network video aired in the arena and still says it will debut in 2012...

3. David Otunga (w/John Laurinaitis) defeated Ezekiel Jackson (w/Teddy Long) at 1:37. Zeke destroyed Otunga and went for a corner splash. Otunga moved, Zeke hit the post, Otunga hit his finisher for the win. Post-match, Ace mocked Teddy Long and Cole sucked up to Ace...

The announce team setup a video that recapped the HBK/Triple H segment from last week. A person in a trench coat, presumably Undertaker, was shown walking backstage...[C]

Shore's Slant: This Raw has been terrible. The opening segment worked, and Simmons deserves the nod, but everything else has been awful. Not a good start for the build to WrestleMania.

[Q5] Undertaker made his long ass entrance and said since being carried from the ring at WrestleMania 27 he had been in a living hell. He said it wasn't a physical one, because the wounds had healed. He said he came to the ring and challenged Triple H and never in his worst nightmares did he would get the answer he got. He said Hunter told him no. He said the choice wasn't Hunter's to make. He said they were headed to an Armageddon of a wrestling era, and that they were the final two of their kind.

He said Hunter might lie to himself, hiding underneath the suit. He said he might lie to Shawn. He said Hunter would not lie to him. He said Hunter would come to the ring and look him in the eye because this was the apocalypse.

Hunter's music and he came to the ring. He started to speak by saying when he looked into Undertaker's eyes three weeks ago, but Taker told him to shut up. He said he didn't need Hunter's pity. Hunter said they were the last of an era, but he had moved on to making sure WWE was around forever, and Taker was still the person he was before. Hunter said he needed Taker to be the leader for the company, and he was not going to be the guy to extinguish that flame because it was bad for business.

Undertaker asked which was worse for business, Taker being gone or Hunter being gone. Hunter said it was just bad for business. He said Taker didn't want redemption or vengeance or salvation, he wanted somebody to end it. Taker said Hunter could spin it however he wanted, at the end of the day he was just a coward.

Hunter fumed and started yelling at Taker and then stopped mid-sentence. He said he saw what Taker was trying to do, but it wasn't going to work, the answer was still no. He climbed out of the ring and walked away. Taker never looked at him as he walked away, but he suddenly spoke and said he figure it out. He said Hunter knew he couldn't do what Shawn hadn't been able to do, because Shawn had always been better than Hunter.

[Q6] Hunter ripped his coat and tie off and stormed back to the ring. Hunter said this had nothing to do with Shawn. He said Shawn couldn't get the job done, but he knew damn well he could and so did Taker. The crowd chanted, "Do it." Hunter repeated the line from Taker about the suit covering layers and said the layers were gone. He said if Taker wanted it to end, if he really wanted WrestleMania, he had it. The place went nuts. Hunter said if they did it thought, they had to go all the way. He said if they did it, it had to be Hell in a Cell. Taker smirked and left the ring...[C]

Shore's Slant: I'm excited for the match, and I think if we are ever going to get color in WWE again it will be this match, but the segment went too long. Close to 17 minutes of these two talking was more than this viewer wanted to sit through. The HIAC is needed because I just don't think this has quite the punch as last year, and I also hope this means that PPV is done.

Still pictures showed Big Show breaking into Daniel Bryan's pod at Elimination Chamber. Bryan made his ring entrance while a graphic showed he will face Sheamus at WrestleMania. He cut a promo and said everyone should consider him a role model because he beat five other guys and was still the world champion...

4. Daniel Bryan defeated Santino Marella at 0:55. Santino went for a roll up, and Bryan kicked out to hook in the LaBell lock for the submission victory...[C]

Shore's Slant: Wow, that was...unnecessary is the best word I can come up with. Bryan gained nothing and Santino is still just Santino. And they had a tough act to follow.

5. The Bellas defeated Kelly Kelly and Aksana at 1:19. The bell rang as soon as we came back from commercial and the twins won with twin magic after Aksana stunk up the joint...The announce team hyped Cena coming back out for later...[C]

Shore's Slant: Looks like another giant talking segment at the end of the show. So many commercial breaks.

A shot was shown of Minneapolis and then cut to the ring where Cena was standing. He said before he was interrupted by the skankapotamus, he had come out to talk about the Rock. He said, "the guy who's not here tonight, but will be here next week." The crowd chanted "Rocky," and Cena said he used to chant that too, until the Rock morphed into Dwayne and headed up "Team Film It."

Cena trashed Rock's people and put him over as a this distant, disconnected star. He said this was the point where he was supposed to say he respected Rock, but he doesn't. He said he had a problem with Rock and it was the same problem he had for seven years. He said it wasn't a movie promo for him. He trashed some of his own movies, and said his problem was that as soon as Dwayne is done next week, he'll kick it back to Hollywood, like he always does.

He said he was excited like everybody else when Rock came back and said he would never leave again, but he did leave again. He said he was probably going to get fined for saying it, but the only reason Dwayne came back was to promote Fast Five and launch his Twitter. He said April 1 meant everything to him. He said he was fighting for all the people behind that curtain who had dreams of being, "I'm sorry, a professional wrestler." He closed with, "See you next week movie star..."

[Q8] The announce team put over the promo and hyped the battle royal for next...[C]

Shore's Slant: Not terrible stuff from Cena there, but the problem is it always rings hollow with that guy. He hasn't been that tough, scrappy rapper guy for so long that we forget that he can do that so this feels fake and forced. The logic is a little silly too, but I will say this has been my favorite promo of the build from him.

CM Punk was introduced and joined the announce team. Ring introductions occurred for the battle royal...

6. Chris Jericho won a 10 man Battle Royal to face CM Punk at WrestleMania 28 at 12:17. Khali was tossed by everybody in under a minute...[C] There were a bunch of near eliminations of heels, and then Truth and Kofi eliminated Miz.

[Overrun] Show hit a double choke slam on Truth and Kofi, which led to a string of finishers. Barrett tried to hit wasteland on Santino over the top, but Santino slipped out and dumped Barrett to the floor. He tossed Truth next, but Ziggler hit a dropkick on Santino. Show tossed Ziggler over the top and Ziggler hit the announce table face first. The trainers ran over and the announce team assured us Barrett had a broken arm.

Stretchers came out to splint Barrett's arm as Kofi was eliminated and sold his leg being hurt. The final four was Big Show, Santino, Chris Jericho, and Cody Rhodes. The smaller guys teamed up on Show and got him down. Santino hit the cobra on Jericho, but Cody tossed Santino over the top and he crashed on the arm the medics were setting for Barrett.

Cody celebrated but got tossed by Show almost immediately. Show tried to toss Jericho, but Jericho held on and Cody Rhodes ran over to help eliminate Show. Post-match, CM Punk climbed in the ring and offered his hand to Jericho. Jericho just smiled at him and left the ring...A video hyping Rock for next week closed the show...

Shore's Slant: Jason Powell texted to say that Barrett walked out with his arm in a splint. Everyone else, including Ziggler, was OK. In fact, Ziggler worked the dark match.

A predictable ending to a lousy show. I'm down on the match because this is the worst possible way to get Jericho and Punk together for Mania. Hunter vs. Taker getting Hell in a Cell was the only thing worthwhile on this show, and even that went on too long. I'm not very hopeful for WrestleMania right now. I'll have more in the member's exclusive audio later tonight. Thanks for watching along with me tonight.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com or tweet me @TheShoreSlant with whatever is on your mind.

And read my first work of fiction: The Following Contest is a Dark Match available exclusively on ebook for all eReaders, smartphones, tablets, and PCs for only 99 cents.

RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE: