By Chris Shore

WWE Raw on USA
Live from Austin, Texas.

[Q1] The Miz was introduced and he made his entrance as CM Punk and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed us to Raw. Miz put over his win at TLC and said "Still WWE Champion, The Miz," about five times. Moz said they were all expecting a new champion announcement but that didn't happen. He started to say more and the lights dimmed and scary music played. Alex Riley came out as the ghost of Christmas Past except he was dressed like Jacob Marley.

Riley setup a video that showed Miz beating King in their ladder match. Miz said he wasn't ashamed of his past. Michael Cole came out dressed as the ghost of Christmas Present. He said Miz should be ashamed of his actions at TLC. Cole joined the broadcast team. Miz said champions weren't judged by their actions, they were judged by whether they were still champion after the match.

Demon Miz girl appeared on the screen and her lips were moving and she was the ghost of Christmas future. She said Miz should prepare for John Morrison. Miz said he was the future. He started to do his phrase but Morrison's music cut him off.

Morrison made his entrance and said he was the new number one contender and that meant they were going to fight soon. He said he had beat Miz in the past, present and knew he would beat him in the future. Riley stepped between them and shoved Morrison. Morrison attacked and Miz ran. Morrison beat on Riley until Sheamus came out. Morrison got the best of him until Sheamus kicked the leg he hurt last night. Sheamus left the ring, Lawler punched Riley, and the GM sound went off. Cole read the email and booked Miz, Riley and Sheamus vs. Miz's past, present and future in Lawler, Randy Orton, and Morrison…[C]

Shore's Slant: I get almost 45 minutes of straight wrestling to start with this. I like the match, but the ghost shit is for the birds. Especially with Cole and Demon Miz Girl. Morrison was net zero here. He played it straight but didn't have a lot to say.

[Q2] Natalya joined the announce team and the next match was announced as a number one contenders match for her Divas Title…

1. Melina defeated Alicia Fox and Eve Torres to become the number once contender for the Divas Title at 2:55. Alicia attacked both faces and tossed Eve to the floor as Natty confirmed that she improvised her splash at TLC. At the end, Fox picked up Melina and Eve went to the top for a Doomsday Device. Melina rolled down, Eve missed, and Melina rolled up Fox for the win. Post-match Natty went to shake Melina;s hand, but Melina slapped her and stormed away…

Backstage, the Bellas kind of argued over Daniel Bryan. Bryan came out and each of them grabbed an arm and escorted him towards the ring…[C]

Shore's Slant: The heel turn heard round the ring. Could that have been any weaker? And we know they are building for Natty vs. Beth Phoenix so all of this is just filler anyway.

Back from commercial, the announce team put over John Cena's destruction of the Nexus last night…

[Q3] 2. Daniel Bryan (w/The Bellas) defeated William Regal at 4:28. They started with two chain wrestling strings and then Regal hit a kick to the back. Bryan went nuts and hit several kicks in the corner on Regal. Regal whipped Bryan to the corner. Bryan ran up the turnbuckle and back flipped over Regal, but Regal turned and hit a clothesline. Punk spent the match basically punking King because he wanted to talk about Cena and the Bellas while these two wrestled

Regal tried for the regal stretch, but Bryan fought back and hooked the LaBell lock for the submission win. Regal applauded him after the match and the Bellas ran in. Each kissed him on the mouth and Bryan looked confused and a little orgasmic…[C]

Shore's Slant: Meh, they couldn't do much with four minutes. The match never got going for that reason. Punk is commenting what's in my head at times. The problem, as Jason and I have mentioned many times, is that he does distract with some of his stuff. In these little matches it's not a big deal, but it can be very annoying.

Backstage, Orton and Morrison discussed their match. Orton asked Morrison if he was ready. Morrison said yes and he trusted Orton. Orton said that was Morrison's first mistake…Tamina was walking on Santino's back when Maryse walked up. She said after she and Ted DiBiase beat the, at least Tamina had a backup plan. They argued and Maryse stood on Santino's back too. DiBiase grabbed Maryse and Kozlov grabbed Tamina to save Santino…

Mark Henry was talking to Gail Kim. Henry said the air was fresh and Kim said it was because Nexus was gone. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler walked past and Vickie did her "Excuse me" bit. Henry said maybe the air wasn't as fresh as he thought…

Shore's Slant: WTF?

[Q4] Santino and Tamina made their entrance as Santino sold his back as sore.

3. Santino Marella and Tamina defeated Ted DiBiase and Maryse in a mixed tag match at 2:56. The men started and Tamina cracked Snatino's back and he was fully recovered. Ted took quick control and hit a drop kick for two. They ran the ropes and Santino hit his Stunner. He setup the Cobra, but Maryse tagged in. Santino held the Cobra back and Maryse turned it on himself. Oh my god.

Tamina hit a superkick (but missed it by about six inches) and dragged Maryse near the corner. She went to the top and DiBiase came towards her. Santino charged with the Cobra and Ted pulled the roe down. Santino tumbled to the floor, but Tamina hit the splash for the win. Post-match Tamin carried Santino to the back…John Cena was shown backstage…[C]

Shore's Slant: See normally I would have found that funny, but my mood has been sour since the opening segment. Tamina can fly, but can she really do anything else in the ring? I hope so because that would give them enough women who can work that we might see a real division. I know, I am the eternal optimist.

John Cena made his ring entrance. Punk continued his reviling of Cena. Cena said everyone was extra fired up tonight because tonight was epic. He said tonight was so big he needed to do something. He went to ringside and hugged a guy with a We Hate Cena shirt on. He said everybody was excited because for the first time in six months WWE was Nexus free. He danced and sang and setup a video that showed his burying Barrett at the end of TLC

[Q5] He played it again from a different camera angle, and then another, and then in slow motion. Cena said he promised six months ago he would get every member of Nexus and last night he did. He called Nexus a bunch of turd burglars and said he was going on to win the Rumble and compete at Mania.

Vickie Guerrero screamed "Excuse me!" The crowd rained heat on her. She said Cena was not the only one to win a match last night. He said he couldn't hear her over the hate. She tried to say it seven or eight times but the crowd shouted her down every time. Cena finally asked the crowd to stop, but kept cracking jokes about this being live TV and finally had to stand next to her so he could hear her.

Vickie said Ziggler also won last night and she had footage to show too. They played King's comments from the Slammys last week. Vickie said she wanted an apology from King or Ziggler was going to beat him up. My cable skipped so I missed what King said at first, but he and Cena started cracking fat jokes on Vickie. Ziggler tried to take up for her and Cena cracked on her some more. She slapped him and Ziggler got in his face.

The GM bell chimed and Cole booked Ziggler vs. Cena for now…

Shore's Slant: That was an embarrassment to John Cena and the entire WWE. There is no room for this. I don’t get what the fascination is with picking on Vickie like this. Sure, she's not a Diva, but this is over the top. Kids look up to Cena like no one else and this is unacceptable. I'm disgusted, and if I wasn't covering this show, I would probably turn it off.

4. John Cena defeated Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) at 13:27. The bell rang as soon as we returned from commercial. A "Vickie's Fat" chant started. Cole admonished King and said King was trying to make Raw his show by injecting himself. Ziggler scored a takedown and stomped Cena. Cena came right back with a shoulder block. He whipped Ziggler to the corner and charged. Ziggler moved and Cena hit the turnbuckle hard.

[Q6] Ziggler strong whipped Cena to the corner and hit punches until Cena fell for two. Cena punched back and hit a gut wrench slam for two. Ziggler worked a rest hold until Cena powered out…[C]

Back at 9:08, Cena hit a side slam and both men were down. Both men made their feet and hit clotheslines on each other. Ziggler hit a front Zig Zag and followed with a big drop kick for two. He went for another, but Cena slapped him away. Cena worked his offense and hit the five knuckle shuffle after giving Vicky the You Can't See Me. Cena lifted for the AA, but Ziggler slid down and hooked the sleeper. Cena escaped and hit a drop toe hold to hook the STF.

Vickie distracted the ref and Ziggler tapped. Cena celebrated and then saw the ref with Vickie. He went over to the ref and the ref said he didn't see it. Ziggler hit a Fameassor for two. He took the turnbuckle off and the ref put it back. As he did, Ziggler took the title belt from Vickie and tried to hit Cena. Cena ducked and hit the AA for the win. Post-match, CM Punk got in the ring and hit Cena with a chair before storming backstage…[C]

Shore's Slant: Decent match, and a good rub for Ziggler to face Cena in a long match. But I'm so sick of silly ass Cena I can't stand it. He's a hell of a guy, and I understand why they won't touch him. But I don't buy his stuff and I have hair on my face so they don't care what I think. Oh, and for the record, I said we were going to get Punk vs. Cena last night. I guess I'm just ahead of my time.

[Q7] A video recapped what happened at the end of the match. Josh Matthews asked Punk out back what happened. Punk said all Cena understood was aggression. He said he gave Cena a taste of his own medicine. He climbed in his car and left…

Shore's Slant: Wait, Cole is calling the rest of the show by himself? Oh dear god.

Backstage Lawler was getting ready for his match. Sheamus walked in and said Lawler was pathetic. He said he wasn't a real king. Lawler said they have been calling him the king since 1974. Sheamus said spare him the history lesson. He said tonight's match meant the king is dead, long live the king…

Vickie screamed at Ziggler for not getting her apology. Ziggler said he was challenging Cena to a rematch tomorrow night on Smackdown. Vickie said she would book it and make it a handicap match. She said it would be Cena vs. Ziggler and her…Miz and Riley made their ring entrance…[C]

Shore's Slant: So much for Ziggler getting revenge tomorrow night. This story is getting more stupid by the second. And I didn't think it could get much worse. Lawler has been the king since 74? Holy shit! I was born in 75. Old bastard.

Cole hyped the handicap match for tomorrow night and then setup a video that recapped Miz on Jimmy Falon…Sheamus made his ring entrance, followed Morrison, then Lawler and then Orton as Josh Matthews mercifully joined Cole on commentary…

[Q8] 5. John Morrison, Jerry "The King" Lawler and Randy Orton defeated The Miz, Alex Riley and Sheamus at 14:21. It looked like Orton and Miz to start, but Miz tagged in Riley to start. Orton beat up Riley and tagged in Morrison. Morrison hit a kick and tagged in King. King hit a dropkick, but Riley came right back and tagged in Miz. King hit the big punch and tagged Orton. Miz ran like a bitch and tagged in Sheamus…[C]

Back at 5:20, Sheamus worked a rest hold on the King. Sheamus whipped King to the corner and charged. King moved and Sheamus hit the post. Morrison tagged in and hit a spinning heel kick. He hit the chuck kick and setup for Starship Pain. Riley ran over and Morrison knocked him down. He went to the top, but Sheamus popped up and swept the legs.

Miz tagged in and stomped Miz. He tagged in Sheamus and he worked the hurt leg. The heels worked in and out on the leg with Morrison escaping and almost making the tag each time. King even distracted the ref once so Orton could break up Sheamus's attack. Morrison finally hit a bicycle kick and tags were made to Orton and Miz to a giant pop. Orton worked his offense and hit the DDT on the ropes, but Sheamus broke it up.

[Overrun] Morrison cleared Sheamus and Orton hit an RKO on Riley. Miz shoved Orton who tagged King by mistake but kicked Miz. King hit punches on Miz, but Miz got behind him and setup for the Skull Crushing Finale. The ref checked on Riley and Orton ran in and hit an RKO on Miz. King covered to get his win back.

Post-match, the GM bells sounded and Cole hyped Smackdown live tomorrow night. He hyped the handicap match and then announced Orton vs. Miz in an apparent non-title match. Miz attacked Lawler and tossed him from the ring. He tried to attack Orton but Orton attacked him first. Orton tried for another RKO but Miz escaped and ran up the ram. They stared at each other for an uncomfortably long time to end the show…

Shore's Slant: That was a fun match that I had hoped would be the end of Miz and Orton, but tomorrow should be the blow off. They have to move on to Morrison because if they don't do it at the Rumble they have no time left. It's the Elimination Chamber and then Mania. No way Morrison sits on the contendership that long. This was a throwaway show.

They had six weeks till the Rumble and figured they could burn one before the serious hype started. And I wish I could throw the memory away. A really bad show. I'll have more to say in my Member's Exclusive Audio recap later tonight. Join me and Marv Hermanstyne tomorrow night as we provide Dot Net double coverage of the live Smackdown and Jason Powell will be along afterwards for NXT live coverage.

RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE: