By Rich Twilling

WWE NXT on WWE.com
Taped earlier tonight in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

[Q1] The opening video aired and fireworks lit up the stage. Michael Cole and Josh Mathews welcomed us to the show. Cole said it was Halloween week and the show was going to be horrifying. Matt Striker introduced the rookies in their Halloween costumes.

A.J. was a ninja turtle. Naomi was Hamburger Helper. Kaitlyn was Vickie Guerrero. Maxine was an ice queen. Aksana was a devil. Nobody was slutty at all. All PG costumes now. Striker said there would be four eliminations next week...

Twill's Two Cents: Just kidding. I can dream, right? Actually, one elimination will take place next week.

The first contest tonight will be the Halloween costume contest. Each rookie was allowed fifteen seconds to "dance seductively," or just get their costume over. Not much else to do but to "dance." Maxine said cold water shrunk packages and said she belonged on top.

Kaitlyn did a pretty damn good Vickie impression, including falling on her ass. Naomi told a bad joke and smacked Striker in the face. Striker said she had a big ass. She did the Hamburger Helper commercial.

A.J. did some nerd moves with her ninja turtle costume. It was cute, but Kaitlyn should win this thing. Kaitlyn received a huge reaction, A.J. received a mild one, and nobody else made the crowd pop at all. Kaitlyn scored the victory...

Twill's Two Cents: Kaitlyn actually wore some junk in her trunk. She deserves credit for going above and beyond. Riveting competition.

Ted DiBiase and Maryse were walking backstage. Maryse was pissed to be there... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: I think we are all pissed to be here Maryse.

Michael Cole mentioned the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future. Mathews, who knew who the red ninja turtle was, called Cole a nerd...

Twill's Two Cents: Shut your face Mathews. Just shut your face. One of the best movies of all time.

1. Hamburger Helper (with Kelly Kelly) defeated The Ice Queen (with Alicia Fox) in As if the show couldn't get any worse, a freaking life sized Hamburger Helper hand wrestled a match while Cole ate popcorn and watched a DVD at the announce table.

Icy controlled the match early one. She applied a reverse hand lock, or chin lock, or head lock, or whatever the hell you could call a move to a giant hand. They should get that giant Jackass hand back here for the ultimate grudge match.

Helper won the match with a hand (head) butt. The announcers made jokes about hands...

Twill's Two Cents: By the way, where I am from, we have a name for Hamburger Helper. It's called, "Cheap ass pasta."

[Q2] Backstage, Goldust and Aksana talked about their wedding. The Immigration guy came in and said if they were not married by next week, he would take Aksana into custody... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: Somebody fire that guy for accepting this "wedding" as truthful and legit. Fool; watch the rest of the show.

WWE's literacy program makes libraries more popular. I bet the Fonz could still top WWE. Ayyyyeeeeee...

2. Brie Bella (the non-bitchy one, with Nikki Bella) defeated Rafael Ninja Turtle (with Primo) in 4:17. Yes, I wrote 'Ninja Turtle' as a surname, so what of it? Nice dropkick and nearfall by Brie early on. A.J. knocked Brie to the floor and Brie argued with Nikki. Primo told them not to do "the switchy thing."

A.J. hit a few kicks and scored a nearfall. A.J. hit what looked like a bulldog and then a side elbow for two more nearfalls. Nikki pulled Brie out of the ring and hit a face buster for the win. Primo saw the switch but the referee did not. Brie was pissed after the match...

Twill's Two Cents: A.J. needs a lot of work in the ring, but she has some tools to work with. The Bellas, if they were both heel, would make better co-champions than LayCool.

Backstage, Maryse said the place stunk and told Ted DiBiase just to buy another million dollar belt. He said it was about principle and the belt had been in the family for over twenty years (well, except for when Virgil had it). She got mad in her language and took off... [C]

[Q3] WWE stars stood up for WWE. Mathews and Cole did the same...

The second competition of the evening was a Halloween candy eating contest. They looked like little Snickers bars with chocolate dripped over the top. Hornswoggle came out in Santino's cowboy costume. Cole stole that line moments after I typed it.

The winner here is the rookie that can eat the most bars in a minute. This is the longest minute ever, in the history of the world, ever. My god this minute will not end. Finally. The dumb ass referees had trouble figuring it out, but Maxine grabbed the win.

"She's got a big mouth," said Cole. That will do her well if she likes to be on top. A.J. and Hornswoggle worked together to trip Maxine. Kaitlyn pretended to choke and then spat the bar at Vickie's face after Hornswoggle gave her the Heimlich...

Twill's Two Cents: Hornswoggle gave Kaitlyn the Heimlich as a bunch of rookie divas tried to get fat. Ladies and gentlemen, this is NXT.

The main event was hyped... [C]

The announcers hyped the funeral for the Undertaker on Friday. Cole said he hopes next week's NXT will be the funeral of NXT...

Twill's Two Cents: That would be a funeral NOBODY would cry at.

Backstage, Kaitlyn went to check on Vickie, but Dolph Ziggler answered Vickie's door as Vickie was heard screaming. Dolph thought Kaitlyn looked good in the outfit and the two eye f----- each other... [C]

Goldust and Aksana are getting married next week. In case you didn't believe it, they put up the "wedding invitation" graphic...

[Q4] 3. Goldust and Not At All Slutty Red Devil defeated Ted DiBiase and Maryse in 6:41. Cole said the million dollar belt was worth "a million dollars or more." Nice deductive reasoning Cole. Maryse and other Maryse started the match. Real Maryse kicked her ass for awhile. Maryse was dressed as a whore. Oh wait, that is not a costume.

By the way, DiBiase's corner is right by the timekeeper's area, so why wouldn't he just grab the belt and start running? Anyway, the men tagged in and the pace quickened up. DiBiase controlled Goldust and scored a nearfall with a nice dropkick.

Aksana clapped on the apron. Maryse did some weird pose thing. The women tagged in. You notice whenever a woman does a clothesline, they fall to the mat, instead of just staying on their feet? Anyway, Aksana beat Maryse with a small package...

Ted had the belt, handed it to Maryse, who lost it to Aksana, who lost it to Ted, who lost it to Aksana, who gave it to Goldust. Next week is the big wedding! Tune in, errrrrr, log on everybody! ...

Twill's Two Cents: If I was carrying a million dollars around, you can bet your ass Aksana, or anyone else for that matter, would not get it from me. Thank you to those of you who followed along and enjoyed the report more than the show itself.

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