WWE Raw on the USA Network
Live from East Rutherford, N.J.

[Q1] A live shot of the crowd was shown and Triple H's music hit. Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed us to the show. Hunter received a thunderous ovation and he responded by saying, "Okay, okay, don't suck up to me because you know I'm the only guy here." Funny.

Hunter said the world was worried but things like this don't worry people in the WWE. He said eruptions coming from large gaps usually happens when Big Show eats Mexican food. It was okay to say that "because he isn't here tonight."

Hunter said he was not going to have a two hour iron man match against Frank the audio guy. He reminded us the Raw roster was stuck in Europe. He turned to Sheamus and said he would beat him "any color but white." He said if Sheamus was bad, Hunter was deadly.

C.M. Punk and the Straight Edge Society came out to the ring. Darren Young was not with them. Punk said it was fortunate the Smackdown crew had the intestinal fortitude to make it through the volcanic ash. He said he had "two words for ya, Jersey sucks."

Punk said he may no longer be part of the Smackdown crew because of the draft next week. The crowd cheered. Not sure why the Raw audience would cheer that. He said he would bring the entire Straight Edge Society with them. Hunter asked why Punk didn't have to shave his head. Punk answered, "The same reason Shawn Michaels was bald and you didn't have to shave yours."

Punk told Hunter he could make a difference in his life by joining the Straight Edge Society. Hunter said he believed in freedom and this is America. People can make their own choices and he said cheesy lines about how the fans chose to come to WWE Raw and go crazy.

He approached a fan at ringside and said if he could drink all the beer he could handle, if he had a ride, he could do it. He said two men could go to another state and legally bind their union. He said Lilian Garcia could come back for one night and horse around. Garcia was shown sitting and laughing in her announce chair.

[Q2] Hunter threatened to beat up Punk. Punk said he was stuck in Jersey just like the other Raw guys were stuck in Europe. Punk said he was not asking Hunter to join the SES, he was telling him. They attacked Hunter. They set up a chair but Rey Mysterio came out to make the save.

Triple H recovered and Punk was left in the ring alone with Hunter, Rey, and a pair of clippers. He actually shaved a little bit off of the top of Punk's head. Rey held up the hair like a trophy as the SES retreated to the back. Hunter and Rey celebrated in the ring...

Twill's Two Cents: Long, but very good opening segment. Obviously, they had to call a lot of audibles tonight, so why not let Hunter have some fun and then cut a promo on his pay-per-view opponent? Punk can carry any segment and they furthered the hair match with Rey at the pay-per-view. Can't complain about that at all.

The cast of 'MacGruber' are the guest hosts tonight. John Cena will cut a promo from Europe... [C]

1. Drew McIntyre defeated Matt Hardy in a non-title match in 3:05. Wow, is there really a different audience for Raw and Smackdown? The crowd barely reacted to either guy. Hardy took a bump into the steps and before long, McIntyre scored the clean win...

Twill's Two Cents: Too short to be anything special. I'm guessing we'll get a lot of matches like these tonight, which should be fine, but hopefully the crowd livens up a bit.

John Cena cut a promo from Belfast and apologized to the crowd for not being in attendance. He said if he had to, he would swim the Atlantic Ocean to get to Extreme Rules and next Monday "The champ will be here." ... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: John Cena vs. ten great white sharks in a handicap match would be a great Raw main event.

[Q3] Footage of Vladimir Kozlov saying he would destroy MacGruber was shown. Kozlov stood in the middle of the ring and called Lawler into the ring to read a prewritten statement. He ran down Americans and the "single most depressing place on Earth, New Jersey." He said he cannot wait for his fellow Russian to buy and move the New Jersey Nets.

MacGruber's theme music hit. Yes, I just typed that. Lilian referred to both of them by their character names (Will Forte as MacGruber and Kristen Wiig as Vicki St. Elmo). Wiig read a statement saying Vince McMahon booked a six man main event of Punk, Gallows, and Jericho vs. Triple H, Mysterio, and Edge.

MacGruber said Jon Bon Jovi, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and Snookie were all from New Jersey. He called Kozlov a "giant pile of suck." He said the single most depressing place in the world isn't New Jersey, based on how Kozlov turned out, it is his mom's uterus. Wiig said MacGruber did not speak for both of them.

Kozlov challenged MacGruber to a match. MacGruber said Kozlov already had a match and had a handle a "dose of the truth." R-Truth came out and Forte was in on the "What's Up?" schtick. He told Kozlov he laced the building with explosives. The stage blew up and Truth's smoking shoes were the only remains of him on the stage.

Kozlov said he was going to destroy MacGruber tonight. Cole joked that he could not get the "explosion thing" right. It was announced that Randy Orton would address the fans after the break... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: I like the MacGruber skits but I'm still wondering how they are going to fill an entire movie. That segment had way too much Kozlov for my taste and we get more him later too. The stuff with Truth was just silly because no one took it seriously, so if the announcers get serious about something tonight, it won't make much sense.

[Q4] MacGruber's music played again and showed him doing toe touches. He then unsuccessfully tried to leave the building. Triple H asked him where he was going. MacGruber peed his pants. He told a story about how a friend of his peed his pants and he wore his pants for him.

He then pointed to his friend and it was Kane. Hunter relayed the story to Kane and Kane just wondered what the hell was going on. MacGruber took off. Kane took a sniff and said, "I don't think peeing is the only thing he did in those pants." They laughed...

Twill's Two Cents: That was fun. If you don't like and/or are not familiar with MacGruber, you probably didn't like it much. Odd to see Kane and Triple H buddying around. I wonder if they shared any Katie Vick stories.

Randy Orton cut a short promo saying wherever he is drafted is where the World Heavyweight Championship is going to end up... [C]

Footage was shown of Jack Swagger defeating Edge and Chris Jericho in a triple threat match on Smackdown. Lilian Garcia (yes, she is back announcing for one night) introduced Swagger and he made his way to the ring.

Swagger told Orton talk was cheap from 3,000 miles away. Swagger ordered a referee to the ring and issued an open challenge for his belt. Is this The Undertaker? Here we go. Challenge offered... Taker's music hit. Challenged accepted. Undertaker made his entrance as Swagger just looked solemnly at him...

[Q5] 2. The Undertaker defeated Jack Swagger in a non-title match in 15:48.

Twill's Two Cents: Smart move having Taker out at the top of the hour and during the Impact overrun (if they have one).

Swagger looked game and ready even though he was initially concerned. Taker went Old School on Swagger relatively early in the match. Swagger came back and scored a two count after a powerslam. They fought to the floor and Swagger whipped Taker into the steps.

Swagger focused his attention on the knee and leg of Taker. Taker was limping but was able to hit the apron leg drop on Swagger. Taker hit a vertical suplex for a two count. Cole kept saying Swagger could not afford to get injured before Sunday. It doesn't matter if he loses the title moron... [C]

Back from commercial, Swagger kept working on the leg as Taker tried to simultaneously work the arm and shoulder. Swagger wrapped Taker's leg around the pole on the floor. After an in ring exchange of punches, Taker hit a DDT and nearly won the title.

[Q6] Taker hit snake eyes, a big boot, and a leg drop for a very close nearfall. He set up a chokeslam. Swagger fought out but took another big boot. Swagger scored a nearfall of his own after hitting a DDT.

Swagger tried the second rope corner delayed splash, but Taker caught him and hit a chokeslam. He followed with the Tombstone for the win. Apparently, it was a non-title match. I take back my "moron" comment directed at Cole... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: I could have sworn Swagger said he was putting the title on the line. I guess I was wrong. Oh well. Anyway, slower paced match but it was a nice showing for Swagger. He really can focus on a body part and make that an offensive emphasis. The fans got what they wanted, but Swagger looked good. Unfortunately, champions shouldn't lose non-title matches. I know I'm old school in that thinking, but I'm sticking to it.

Footage of the new MacGruber movie was shown. Looks like Chris Jericho is playing a nice role in this. Backstage, Jericho told the SES to follow his lead. Punk was wearing a towel over his head...

MacGruber and Vicki smiled at Jericho and said hello. Jericho said he would star in the sequel and sang the "Jeri-go" song in the MacGruber beat. Vicki was very impressed. Jericho told MacGruber to offer Kozlov a handshake and then hit him in the face. They hugged as Vicki stayed behind and sang Jericho's new song... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: It's a good thing Punk and Jericho were able to get back for tonight's show. Obviously we aren't getting many matches, but we got one good one and a lot of Punk and Jericho, which is a good thing.

[Q7] Footage was shown of MacGruber blowing up R-Truth earlier in the show, leading to the upcoming match...

3. MacGruber and Khaluber (with Vicki St. Elmo and Ryan Phillippe) defeated Vladimir Kozlov in a handicap match by countout in 1:29. Lilian referred to MacGruber as "undefeated." Kozlov had MacGruber up in the air. Ryan Phillippe came out and stopped the match. He said he was sorry he was late.

He got the match changed to a handicap match and introduced MacGruber's half brother, "Khaluber" (Great Khali). Khaluber came out dressed as MacGruber. He chased off Kozlov and both men were counted out. Apparently, this gave the babyface team the win...

After the match, MacGruber promoted his movie and again blew up the stage... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: For most people, that was probably worthless and stupid, but I like the MacGruber character, so I was okay with it. I actually thought Khali was taking time off so I was surprised to see him. By the way, why wasn't it a double countout?

A video package hyping John Cena vs. Batista for the WWE Championship in a Last Man Standing match at Extreme Rules was shown. The announcers ran down the card and stipulations for Sunday's pay-per-view...

[Q8] As Triple H made his entrance, he was interrupted by Sheamus cut a promo on him. He forced Hunter to watch as Sheamus attacked a boom mic guy... [C]

4. Triple H, Rey Mysterio, and Edge defeated Chris Jericho, C.M. Punk, and Luke Gallows (with Serena) in 10:59. Edge limped to the ring. Either he is hurt again or he is selling his ass off. Rey was backdropped by Hunter over the top onto all three of his opponents... [C]

Punk was in control of Mysterio coming back from the break. The heels made frequent tags and worked over Rey in their corner. Jericho got really cocky and tried to take off Rey's mask, but took a series of kicks.

[Overrun] Jericho came back and hit a slingshot on Rey into the corner. Rey hit a moonsault for a two count as both men tagged out. Edge got the best of Gallows and knocked Punk from the apron. Edge went for the spear but Serena distracted the referee and Jericho rammed Edge's leg into the ring post.

The heels worked over Edge's leg. Again, Jericho soaked in the negative crowd reactions. Hunter and Punk tagged in. Triple H hit the spinebuster, but Gallows thwarted a Pedigree. Chaos ensued. Rey hit the 619 on Punk, who fumbled his way into Hunter's grasp, who hit the Pedigree for the win...

Replays were shown as the announcers hyped next week's WWE Draft and three hour special...

Twill's Two Cents: WWE did their best to put on an enjoyable show without their top roster, and yes, there was a lot of campiness, but the fans got a long Undertaker match and a star studded main event. It was not the best show or even a noteworthy show, especially going into a pay-per-view, but given the circumstances, they should have been happy with it.

What did you think of the show? Feel free to let me know by shooting an email to dotnetrich@gmail.com.

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