WWE Raw on USA Network
Live from Portland, Ore.

[Q1] Michael Cole welcomed us to Raw and Hell’s Bells tolled. Undertaker made his long ass entrance and managed not to catch on fire this time. Taker cut a promo on HBK. He said last week was an example of what his life was like since he became number 17. He cut his standard promo, except he talked about ending HBK’s career as opposed to taking his soul. A big HBK chant started, and then was met by an equally loud boo. He said Shawn had a dark cloud over his head, and that would be all he had left the day after Mania. In said he took no joy in telling us that in three weeks, Shawn Michaels’s career would, “Rest in…”

Shawn’s music hit and he came to the ring. Lawler said not to bury him yet. Michaels said Taker didn’t get to finish his line tonight because he hadn’t earned it. He agreed that he had been tormented, but he had had an epiphany. He said he had cost the Undertaker his title because that was the only way he could get the match. But Taker interfered in his match last week for no reason. He said that’s when it occurred to him that for the first time, Taker felt fear.

Taker said Shawn better choose his next words carefully. Michaels repeated his fear comment, and said that was why Taker asked him to put his career on the line. Taker was trying to intimidate him. He said it didn’t work, and only Taker knew how close he had come to the streak ending. And that caused Taker fear. Taker said he was looking at a man who had pitiful desperation. Shawn said last year he was desperate. He would have accepted a win of any kind. He said this year he wanted no count-out, no disqualification because too much was a stake. He said he would kick Taker’s teeth down his throat and beat him.

Taker said fine, Shawn had chosen his demise. He said Shawn had all the swagger, and honestly thought he could beat him. He said HBK was Mr. Wrestlemania, but not this year. He said on March 28th, HBK’s career was over. HBK told Taker to keep telling himself that, because on March 28th, he would be the man to end Undertaker’s undefeated streak. Shawn’s music hit and he left the ring…The announce team hyped the Legacy and Cena vs. McMahon match…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Oh. My. God. I don’t know what Powell just saw on TNA, but there is no way under the sun it beat that. Let it be officially known that McMahon does worry a little about TNA because he sent “shock and awe” to the ring. How much do you want to see this match now?

[Q2] Back from commercial, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, and Gail Kim made their ring entrance. Their opponents, Maryse, Katie Lea, and Alicia Fox, were already in the ring. Wow, the champ gets no entrance? Ouch…

1. Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, and Gail Kim defeated Maryse, Katie Lea, and Alicia Fox at 3:01. Everybody got a chance to botch their moves while Old King and Cole cracked jokes. Eve hooked an arm scissor, on Maryse who tapped out, for the win…

Criss Angel was backstage talking to Hornswoggle. The Bella Twins asked to be his assistants for one night. He said he didn’t use twins. They asked for a demonstration and he pulled piece of string off one of their outfits. He ate the string and pulled it out of his eye. Lovely. Jillian Hall walked up and started singing. Angel took her voice away. I marked out like a school girl…ShowMiz was shown heading towards the ring for a match…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Looks like Eve is the next Diva’s Champion. Criss Angel annoys the hell out of me, so I will try to be as nice as possible. The Jillian bit was pretty funny, and the crowd popped huge for it, so I appreciate that. The celebrity whores are getting old though. Speaking of whores, Marvin Hermanstyne is hanging out in the forums and discussing tonight’s show. Feel free to join him there.

Back from commercial, a video package showed Morrison and Truth earning their tag title shot…

[Q3] ShowMiz made their entrance. Miz asked if Morrison and Truth had really earned title shots. He said they had little credibility. He said they would rather face the Bushwakers because at least they were a team. He shamed the locker room for not having enough talent to have a real team, and put he and Show over…Morrison made his ring entrance, followed by Truth and his lame ass entrance…

2. The Miz and The Big Show fought John Morrison and R-Truth to an apparent no contest at 0:36. The Miz and Truth started. Morrison ran in and took out Big Show, and then he and Truth clotheslined Miz over the top rope. They hit a double baseball slide on Miz and the ref called for the bell. Show tried to attack them, but they drove him into the post and then hit a double DDT. They dropped Miz on the railing and rolled back in the ring. Morrison asked if they still thought they had no credibility or were a real team. He said they showed them how real they could be. Truth said, “That’s what’s up.”…The announce team hyped McMahon vs. Cena…[C]

Shore’s Slant: I’m sure I’ll get accused of saying this because Morrison was involved, but that was the best non-finish I have seen in a while. I could not have cared less about this match, and now I’m looking forward to it a little. And they still have three weeks to hyoe it more. Nice work by creative on this one.

Back from commercial, the announce team setup a video that showed the history between Batista and Cena. Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed Cena. Cena said that apparently Batista had his number, so all he could do, was go out there and beat him. Matthews asked Cena if he anticipated Batista getting involved in his match with McMahon. Cena said he’s counting on it…

Evan Bourne was backstage with Criss Angel. He thanked him for putting him in a MITB qualifying match against William Regal. Regal and Stone Cold’s “special” rookie Skip Sheffield came in. Bourne made a joke about Regal wearing purple and left. Sheffield asked Angel to do a trick. He had Regal write a number on a pad and then guessed his number by reading Regal’s reactions. Sheffield said he had won his bet with Regal and he owed him a Travis Tritt CD…

[Q4]Ringside, Legacy started to make their entrance. Orton ran out and attacked both. He rolled in the ring after a few shots and waited for them to get in…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Please let Cena get beat at Mania. Please, please, please. Sorry. Regal was amused by the trick. Sheffield looks like an idiot. I’m just psyched that Bourne will end up in MITB. Slick move by Orton to diminish the handicap match advantage.

3. Legacy defeated Randy Orton at 11:47. The bell rang immediately. Rhodes and Orton started. Rhodes got in some shots, but Orton slammed him. Ted tagged in and repeated the cycle. Rhodes tagged back in and distracted the ref so Ted could get a cheap shot on Orton. Cody worked Orton with strikes and then charged at him. Orton pulled the rope down and Rhodes crashed to the floor. Ted tried to sneak up, but Orton spun around. They stared into commercial…[C]

Back at 6:08, Orton fought back from a double team. He knocked Ted to the floor, and slammed Rhodes. Rhodes hit a chinbuster, and tossed Orton to the floor. Orton lost the double team attack and DiBiase hit a dropkick on the floor. Rhodes worked Orton on the stairs and roiled him back in the ring. The crowd chanted for Orton as Legacy worked tag team moves. DiBiase hit a huge clothesline for a near fall just before the hour.

[Q5] Rhodes tagged back in and worked heel corner moves. He toe kicked Orton in the gut and tagged in DiBiase. Rhodes whipped Orton to the corner, and DiBiase whipped Rhodes. Orton hit an elbow and a clothesline to take them out. He hit powerslams and then a backbreaker on DiBiase. He setup for the RKO, but Rhodes ran in and stopped him. Orton spilled Rhodes to the floor, but DiBiase hit Dreamstreet from behind for the win. Post match, Rhodes hit Crossrhodes on Orton and they posed over him…

Backstage, Batista was shown watching on a monitor. Josh Matthews came in and asked him what he thought about Cena saying he’s counting on Batista to interfere. Batista said it proved how he was in Cena’s head. He gave his word as champion that he wouldn’t interfere in his match. He said if Matthews saw Cena, to wish him luck. He said Cena needed a win…Triple H was shown backstage heading towards the ring…Stone Cold was hyped for next week’s Raw…[C]

Shore’s Slant: Alright, it was a good match, but where do they go from here? I sure don’t want to see that match now, so what do you do with these guys? Please don’t let this turn into a triple threat at the last minute, or even worse, let Rhodes have been playing DiBiase this whole time. I’m very concerned about the direction of this program. And how GD good was Batista there. That was his best promo, ever. And it’s not even close.

Back from commercial, Triple H made his ring entrance. A video package recapped his beat down from Sheamus last week. Hunter said he respect Sheamus for what he did. He started to punk Sheamus for pinning him in the chamber, and Sheamus’s music hit. He got right in Triple H’s face and snatched the mic. He said he didn’t make a statement last week, but he would make one on Hunter at Mania if Hunter had the guts.

[Q6] Hunter said Sheamus had had a good year. But Sheamus hadn’t been to the big dance yet, and until he had won at Mania, none of that meant anything. Hunter put over his hot start and said he lost at Mania and was pushed down into obscurity. He did not mention the Kilq. He said Cena and Batista were the only guys who had jumped on a big dog at Mania and came out on top. He said that was a big gamble, and asked Sheamus if he had the guts to make a gamble like that. He said Sheamus better be sure.

Sheamus tried to attack Hunter, but Hunter blocked and clotheslined Sheamus over the top. Sheamus dragged Hunter out of the ring, but Hunter clotheslined them both over the rail. They ended up back in the ring, and Hunter hit the spinebuster and Sheamus backed up the ramp…

Backstage Santino interacted with Angel. Santino did the missing thumb trick and asked if Angel had something better. Angel had Santino put a sharp knife under a cup and then crushed the other three identical cups with his hand. Santino said his heart was racing…A commercial hyped David Otunga for tomorrow on NXT…[C]

Shore’s Slant: That seemed a little rushed to me. I appreciate the attempt to sell Mania as the big event it is, but it just seemed rushed. Almost like they forgot about Hunter and Sheamus and sent them out with the weakest script that was still effective. It setup the match, but I have no emotional attachment to it yet.

Back from commercial, porn music was playing as Christian and Heath Slater joined on commentary. Actually, Christian joined on commentary, Slater stood there like a bitch. Evan Bourne made his ring entrance, followed by Regal and Sheffield…

4. Evan Bourne defeated William Regal (w/Skip Sheffield) at 1:28. Regal pushed Bourne down and worked strikes. Bourne oversold like crazy. Regal hit a double underhook suplex for two. He followed with a throw/slam. Sheffield yelled something at Regal and then cheered. He charged at Bourne. Bourne hit a knee to the face, followed by AirBourne for the win…

[Q7] The announce team hyped the main event…[C]

Shore’s Slant: We have had one match go over three minutes tonight. That’s bad even for Raw. I’m happy for Bourne, and AirBourne off of the ladder is going to be the mark out moment of the decade, but he could have had a real match to hype MITB. This was just kind of sad.

Back from commercial, a video package recapped the Goldberg vs. Lesner match at Wrestlemania XX…Ringside, the announced team ran down the Wrestlemania card…A video package recapped McMahon and Bret last week. Mr. McMahon was shown backstage heading towards the ring…[C]

[Q8] Back from commercial, the announce team hyped next week’s Raw as a Wrestlemania flashback show. Cena will face Show, HBK will face Jericho, and Hunter will face Orton, plus the official contract signing of McMahon vs. Hart…Criss Angel was introduced and came to the ring…

Shore’s Slant: He and Swagger should have had a conversation and spit all over each other. Yes, I’m aware of where I am going.

Angel said he was there to announce the main event. He introduced Cena first, and then McMahon with the same intensity. McMahon made his entrance and cut a promo on Bret Hart. He said Bret should enjoy this match. He said it wasn’t a regular match, it was a handicap gauntlet match. He introduced his first partner, Vladimir Kozlov…

5. Mr. McMahon defeated John Cena in a no disqualification handicap gauntlet match at 11:21. Kozlov ran out and attacked Cena. He hit the batter ram and tagged in McMahon and left the ringside area. McMahon covered, but Cena kicked out. McMahon waved to the back, and Drew McIntyre ran out. McIntyre beat on Cena and then hit a reverse side-Russian leg sweep. He tagged McMahon and left. McMahon covered and Cena kicked out. McMahon waved down Swagger who slid in the ring at the break…[C]

Back at 5:22, Cena hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Swagger. He tried for the Attitude Adjustment, but Swagger reversed into a neck breaker. Swagger hit a powerslam, and two of his corner springboard splashes. McMahon tagged in, covered, and Cena kicked out…twice. McMahon called out Mark Henry, who acted like he was unhappy about it. Henry hit the world’s strongest slam and tagged in McMahon.

[Overrun] Cena kicked out again and McMahon went to the floor. He grabbed the bell and announced it was now a no disqualification handicap gauntlet match. I shit you not. He took the bell in the ring and Henry tried to stop him from hitting Cena. McMahon told Henry to hit Cena with the bell. Henry tossed the bell away, and turned into a Batista spear.

Batista kicked Henry from the ring, and turned to Cena. Kofi Kingston ran out and attacked Batista. He had him in the corner, and climbed up for ten punches. Batista reversed into a powerbomb. Cena attacked and knocked Batista down. He tried to hit the Attitude Adjustment on McMahon, but got speared by Batista. Batista hit the powerbomb, and McMahon covered for the win. The show ended with Batista posing over Cena…

Shore’s Slant: What a shame. McMahon had to go to the Vinnie Ru playbook and get a reverse go screw yourself gimmick match to close what had been a pretty good, albeit wrestling lacking, show. Everyone expected Batista to get involved, so it was no surprise, especially when a face came out to help McMahon. A swing and a miss here. Like I said, a pretty good show that did its job of hyping Mania. I’ll have more to say tomorrow on the hitlist, and Jason Powell has his audio recap as well. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you then.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com with whatever is on your mind.

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