TNA TV Reports 1/17 TNA Impact: Mitchell plays Darth Vader to Abyss' Luke Skywalker, Stone Cold Sharkboy is born By Jason Powell Jan 18, 2008 - 01:53 PM Email This Article | Printer Friendly Page Send Us News & Results | Back to Main Listing TNA Impact on Spike TV Orlando, Fla. [Q1] A video package recapped last week’s show. The narrator plugged the Samoa Joe vs. A.J. Styles vs. Christian Cage three-way main event... In the parking area, Jeremy Borash greeted the Angles and A.J. Styles, who were wearing tuxedos. Eric Young showed up and Kurt tricked him into climbing in the backseat of the limo, then shut the door. Borash noted that Styles could choose to challenge Angle for the TNA Title if he wins the three-way match, but the Angles insisted that A.J. had already decided to let Kurt take the month off... Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show... Black Machismo and The Motor City Machine Guns entered the ring for a promo and accepted the previous challenge made by Team 3D. If the babyface team wins, there will be a 275-pound weight division. If 3D wins, the X Division disbands. Team 3D walked out. Bubba borrowed a classic line from Joel Gertner when he said he and his brother are “ripped, chiseled, and jacked.” The two sides shook hands, which led to a brief brawl between the two teams... Backstage, Crystal interviewed Abyss, who wasn’t happy that his latest secret would be revealed during the show... [C] Powell’s POV: Honestly, I wouldn’t even care if the X Division went away given its current state. What was once a selling point of the company, [Q2] A recap aired of Shark Boy being destroyed in recent matches... Borash hosted one of the corniest skits in TNA history. Shark Boy was lying on a table with members of his family surrounding him (all wearing shark masks). A doctor noted that Shark Boy was in a coma while delivering a series of silly fish puns... 1. Tomko pinned Eric Young at 1:58. Before the match, The Guru explained to Young that he could get out of the limo by using the door handle. No, really. Young had a brief comedy spot, but the rest of the match was dominated by Tomko. Afterward, James Storm and Jackie ran out and attacked Young. Storm gave Tomko a beer. They shared a drink, but Tomko kicked Storm and ran him out of the ring. Tomko gave Young his drinking title belt back... Backstage, Crystal stood by while Christian cut a promo about the main event three-way... [C] Backstage, Crystal brought Dustin Rhodes into Black Reign’s workshop. A terrified Dustin hit the floor. Perhap TNA could have found someone more qualified than the backstage interview girl to help Dustin cope with his split personality issue... [Q3] 2. ODB beat Angelina Love at 3:19. West said ODB told him that her name is short for One Dirty Bitch. Decent match. ODB gave Love plenty of offense, but ODB finished her off with a running powerslam. After the match, ODB challenged Kong to a match at Against All Odds... Backstage, Crystal stood outside Kevin Nash’s locker room and overheard him giving Samoa Joe advice and a pep talk for his three-way match... [C] Chris Harris joined the Shark Boy vigil. He mocked the situation and said he had to resort to hanging out with a bunch of sharks just to get television time. LAX and Salinas showed up and stole things from Shark Boy’s room. Why bring other wrestlers into this mess?... 3. Kaz beat Senshi in 3:50. Kaz brought the rat cage he stole from Black Reign to the ring with him. [Q4] Good back and forth action. Kaz hit the Wave of the Future for the win. Afterward, Black Reign ran out and attacked Kaz. Reign flipped out when he discovered that the rat cage was empty. He punched Kaz repeatedly and had to be pulled off the referees... Backstage, James Mitchell promised viewers that they would not get another bait and switch regarding Abyss’ secret... [C] Powell’s POV: When the company promised the X Division wrestlers more camera time when the show expanded to three hours, do you suppose four minute matches and post-match fights over pet rats are what the wrestlers had in mind? Backstage, A.J. (wearing the crowd and tuxedo) approached Tomko for advice on whether to challenge Kurt for the title or give him two months off. Tomko said he should start doing what he wants to do. A.J. walked away flustered... 4. Abyss beat Lance Hoyt (w/Jimmy Rave) at 2:20. During the match, Mitchell walked onto the ramp and gave Abyss one more chance to reveal the secret. Abyss shook his head no, so Mitchell brought a camera man backstage with him. Abyss hit the Black Hole Slam for the win. Mitchell appeared on the video screen. Abyss motioned repeatedly for someone to cut the cameras. [Q5] Mitchell tried to tie the mess of the story line of Abyss’ mother shooting his father together by revealing that that he is Abyss’ father. “You last name is not Parks, it’s Mitchell.” The story line is way too over the top and lost me months ago. Nevertheless, very good mic work from Mitchell, who was very intense and talking directly at Abyss rather than delivering a standard wrestling promo... [C] 5. Robert Roode (w/Payton Banks) beat Sonjay Dutt in roughly 8:00. Banks interfered early, causing Ms. Brooks to run to ringside. [C] [Q6] Roode hit the Payoff for the win. Roode removed the tape from one of his wrists and threw it at Brooks, who ran in and had a roll around brawl with Banks. Roode intervened and held Brooks for Banks until Matt Morgan came out and ran off the heel couple... Backstage, Karen flirted with Styles while attempting to manipulate him into giving Kurt two months off.. B.G. James told a jealous Kip that his partner would be there tonight... [C] Angelina Love and Velvet Sky visited Shark Boy... In the ring, B.G. introduced “my partner, my father, my hero,” Bob Armstrong. Kip hugged Bob while Roxxi looked on... [C] [Q7] Eric Young visited Shark Boy and told him that he has to fight. Shark Boy’s eyed opened. Shark Boy did a good “Stone Cold” Steve Austin impersonation. Apparently, he thinks he’s the Texas Rattlesnake... Kurt hyped that Global Impact would air immediately after the show... Inside Jim Cornette’s office, Cornette attempted to sell Scott Steiner on the X Division. Steiner swapped breifcases with Petey Williams... 6. Christian Cage beat Samoa Joe and A.J. Styles in 20:00. Joe dove between the ropes and onto Cage and Styles at ringside. [C] Joe took control of the action inside the ring. [Q8] Later, Joe picked up Christian for a bodyslam, but Chrstian’s legs knocked the referee tot he mat. With the ref down, Styles brought a chair into the ring. Joe managed to get the chair away from Styles just as the referee came to. The ref saw Joe with the title and both of his opponents on the mat and DQ’d Joe. Joe grabbed the ref at ringside. Morgan ran out and tried to get between Joe and the ref. Joe shoved the ref into Morgan. Kevin Nash ran out and go between Joe and Morgan. [C] Joe and company were gone from ringside after the break, moving the focus back to Christian vs. Styles. In the end, A.J. went for the Unprettier, but Christian blocked the move and turned it around on Styles for the pin. Powell’s POV: I watched the Global Impact show that followed this broadcast and it blew away this week’s regular two-hour Impact. It was so nice to sit through an hour of TNA without seeing campy comedy skits. Kurt Angle’s match against Yuji Nagata was really good and better than just about anything Angle has done in TNA thus far. TNA would be so much better off if the creative team scaled back (no, that’s not a goddamn fish joke) their involvement and put the focus back on the in-ring action rather than these ridiculous skits and comedy segments. BOOKMARK DOT NET AND ADD US TO YOUR RSS • HELP DOT NET: TAKE OUR ADVERTISER DEMO SURVEY CLICK TO RETURN TO MAIN LISTING OR SELECT A LINK BELOW FROM THIS CATEGORY TNA TV Reports Latest Twelve Articles 8/21 Twilling's TNA Impact Live Coverage: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles in a ladder match, Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim in a street fight in what could be Kim's final TNA match 8/14 Twilling's TNA Impact Live Coverage: Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash vs. Team 3D, Kurt Angle challenges AJ Styles 8/7 Twilling's TNA Impact Live Coverage: 8-man weapons gauntlet match featuring Samoa Joe, Booker T, Kurt Angle, and AJ Styles, 8-man tag team no DQ match 8/7 Powell's TNA Impact Live Coverage: Gauntlet weapons match, Team 3D and James Storm and Robert Roode vs. LAX and Christian Cage and Rhino in a tables match 7/31 Twilling's TNA Impact Live Coverage: Will Sting ever show up? Christian Cage and Rhino vs. Beer Money, Taylor Wilde and Gail Kim vs. The Beautiful People 7/31 Powell's TNA Impact Live Coverage: Christian and Rhino vs. James Storm and Robert Roode, Petey Williams vs. Consequences Creed, Samoa Joe and Booker T hype