By Chris Shore

TNA Impact on Spike TV
Taped in Orlando, Florida.

[Q1] A video recapped Kurt Angle's heel turn and promo last week…Sting's music hit to start the show, and he made his entrance as Mike Tenay and Tazz checked in on commentary. Sting acted like he was getting beat up again all down the ramp and in the ring.

Sting cut a promo and said that was a re-enactment of the beating he took last week. He said he was the one that was nervous. He said he remembered how awesome it was to have his ass handed to him by "the greatest of all time," Hulk Hogan. He said they all had something in common; they all wanted to see Hogan back in the ring.

He said he wanted it so bad he almost died last week. He had the crowd chant for Hogan because he wanted him in the ring tonight. Ric Flair's music hit and he came to the ring and did his strut. He took a mic and asked if he just heard Sting call Hogan the greatest wrestler of all time.

He cut Sting off before he could answer and said people are always asking when they were going to lock it up again. He said they have nothing to prove, they had wrestled 1500 times, but people say "one more match." He said he's tired of hearing Sting's name so he wants to wrestle him. He said if Sting loses, Sting has to retire. "Not a Foley retirement," a real retirement. Flair said if he loses, he'll deliver Hogan on a silver platter. Sting accepted…[C]

Shore's Slant: What friggin year is it? This is unbelievable. The total age in this match is 114. One hundred fourteen. I have no words other than I hate Ryan Kester.

Back from commercial, Flair walked into Hogan's office and Hogan flipped out. Flair asked him where the love was. He said he was 1500-1 against Sting and there's no way Sting could beat him tonight. They talked crazy to each other for a while and Flair acted drunk. Flair said he would rally the troops and Hogan would be fine…

Shore's Slant: Oh my god. That was crazy as hell! They were all over the place. You couldn't make any sense of it. IS Flair legit drunk? Seriously, I've only ever seen drunks act like that. Unreal

[Q2] A video recapped Bubba Ray winning seven points against Devon at a house show this weekend by pinning him with his feet on the ropes. The BFG series points were shown. Matt Morgan joined the announce team as Scott Steiner was in the ring and waited for Devon…

1. Scott Steiner defeated Devon in a Bound for Glory series match at 0:55. Devon attacked before the bell rang. He missed a splash in the corner, and Steiner pinned Devon with his feet on the rope. Post-match, Samoa Joe slid into the ring and attacked Devon. He hit a knee breaker and then locked in the weakest leg lock I have ever seen. Devon's boys slid in the ring to stop the attack and Joe looked like he might get them. Pope ran out and stared Joe down…[C]

Shore's Slant: I usually just watch this show to be aware and not try to think about it too hard. Now I remember why. I like the idea of mean ass Joe. I'm OK with that. But a 55 second pin WITH THE SAME MOVE YOU JUST SHOWED? I really have no idea what to even say.

Samoa Joe cut a crazed promo in the back and said if he couldn't win the series, he would destroy it. He said he was sorry to Devon, but he was the first. He said he could do whatever he wanted because nobody had the balls to fire him. He said there was a storm in pro wrestling, and they added the thunder…

2. Austin Aries defeated Alex Shelly, Tony Nese, Kid Kash, Robbie E (w/Cookie), Zema Ion, Jesse Sorenson, and Mark Haskins in a gauntlet match for a shot at the X Division Championship at 12:19. The order of elimination would be used to determine the contender's position. First out was ranked eighth and so forth. Alex Shelly and Mark Haskins started. Haskins took quick control and set Shelly on top. Shelly hit a super reverse atomic drop, but Haskins recovered and a GTS type move for the pinfall at 1:54. Robbie was in next. He and Cookie argued and Haskins win with a school boy at 2:14. Zema Ion was in next. He hit a 450 splash for the pinfall at 3:26.

[Q3] Jesse Sorenson was next. He scored a pinfall with a Cross Rhodes type move at 4:20. Tony Nese was in next, and he took Sorenson's Cross Rhodes at 5:43. Kid Kash was in next, and thank God they went to commercial…[C]

Back from commercial, Kash hit a back breaker and went for the top. He hit a moonsault from the top for a near fall. He performed the weakest powerbomb with a bridge I have ever seen for two, and then Sorenson reversed it for a roll up pinfall at10:55. Aries stalled getting in the ring and Kash ran in and hit a double underhook pile driver. Aries stalked in and covered with his foot. Sorenson slapped it away, but Arues destroyed him and scored a pinfall for the win at 12:19.

Post-match, Aries spoke with Christy Hemme. He said he just took out seven guys and ran the gauntlet. He told Brian Kendrick he was putting the title on the greatest man in the world. He started to walk away, and Kendrick walked out. Aries asked him what he was going to do and Kendrick stuck his hand out. Aries asked him if he was gay, and pretended to shake his hand before spinning away. Kendrick attacked him and they brawled until they were separated…

Shore's Slant: Call GLAAD. Looks like more anti-bullying hypocrisy soon.

Backstage, Flair was talking to himself. He took off his watch and said he couldn't believe he had to tape up for Sting on his first night back. He said he didn't need tape for Sting. "In fact," he said, "Where the hell is Sting?" He walked off to find him…

Shore's Slant: That match was wild. In fact, it was a little too wild. By the time they hit commercial, I was confused. I realize I might have to pay attention more than most watchers, but that doesn't mean most watchers aren't paying that much attention. It was just too fast. The post-match stuff with Kendrick was very well done, though. Nice to see some real aggression from Kendrick.

[Q4][C] A video recapped the attack on Ken Anderson last week. Tenay announced he had double ruptured eardrums and was on the shelf indefinitely…A very well done video hyped Bound for Glory. Accept Hogan was the last face and voice they showed. Ego the size of Montana with that guy…

ODB and Jackie were shown backstage. They talked about ODB's match vs. Mickie James being for the first time in TNA. They said they had to mind the rules tonight, so no weave pulling. But once they signed those multi-year contracts, it was on…[C]

Shore's Slant: I'm exhausted and feel like I can't keep up. And it's not that good being behind like I get with ROH. Crash TV at its finest tonight boys and girls.

Back from commercial, the hidden camera man showed Traci Brooks talking to Eric Bischoff. He sold being turned on and asked to have her job as Knockout Law back. He leaned forward to hear her better and she bent over to stare at her chest. He said he would think about it and she left. Bischoff mumbled that it might be fun…[C]

ODB and Jackie made their entrance while a video showed their match against Tara and Miss Tessmacher last week. Mickie made her entrance and Tenay told us Mickie gets her title shot against Winter in two weeks on September 1…

[Q5] 3. Mickie James defeated ODB (w/Jackie) at 5:47. The first two minutes of this match were in the last quarter. ODB worked power on Mickie and hit the fall away slam. She slapped on a bear hug, but Mickie escaped and hit a drop kick. ODN came right back with a neckbreaker and both women sold. They both kipped up at the same time and traded strikes.

ODB tossed Mickie over the top and she landed on the apron. ODB punched her to the floor. Jackie teased doing something, but walked away. Mickie fought her way back in the ring and went for her DDT. ODB pushed her off, but missed a Bronco Buster. Mickie hit her DDT for the win…

Shore's Slant: That match was pretty good, but I can't help but feel Mickie James is as stale as John Cena. She may have changed her music and clothes, but it's the same act she's had since she turned from lesbian stalker Mickie. A moment of silence for that character…Anyway, she could use another heel turn, and I'm stunned she hasn't turned 37 times with Russo booking.

Winter and Angelina Love were in the back, petting the title belt, and talking dirty about it. Winter said Mickie James could beat whoever she wants, but there's nothing hardcore about her. She said this was Winter's world, and in Winter's world, blood rules. And they she drank something was supposed to be blood…

Shore's Slant: Are you kidding me?

4. AJ Styles defeated Rob Van Dam (w/Jerry Lynn) in a Bound for Glory series match by Disqualification at 5:17. Jerry Lynn sat at ringside. AJ over sold a monkey flip but made it look good.

[Q6] RVD hit rolling thunder on AJ for two. Lynn jumped over the railing and complained to the ref about his count being slow. The ref and RVD shooed him away. Styles and RVD battled at the top and Styles was knocked down. RVD went for the frog splash, but Styles got the legs up. Styles hit a Pele kick, and Jerry Lynn pulled the ref to the floor, causing the DQ. Post-match, both Styles and RVD jawed with Lynn as he played innocent…[C]

Shore's Slant: Is the intent to make Jerry Lynn look brain damaged? Cause if so, Bravo!

Back from commercial, Lynn continued to channel Eugene while RVD told him to stay away…Flair was shown in a darkened locker room/warehouse/crime scene calling Sting out. All kinds of stuff was making noise. And it might have worked. EXCEPT YOU COULD SEE GUYS RUNNING AROUND IN THE BACKGROUND! Sting finally showed himself and Gunner attacked him.

Sting reversed the tables and beat the hell out Gunner. Flair ran away and yelled that Gunner was fired. Sting slammed Gunner some debris and slapped him around. He said one day Gunner was going to be someone…Eric Young continued his crazy ass search for Scott Baio and molested people on the street until some guy told him where he was last seen. A teaser for next week showed Baio facing off with a gold club against Eric Young….

Shore's Slant: I…uh…Well, I did laugh at the teaser for next week. I hate myself for saying that, but I did. And it's a taped show! How do you not reshoot that Flair/Sting garbage? If the idea was to make us think it was Sting, it still didn't work. That's inexcusable.

[Q7][C]Crimson limped to the ring as a video recapped the attack from Kurt Angle. Crimson said he had some personal issues he needed to discuss with Angle and called Angle out. Crimson said Angle started with him in his quest to take out the young talent, but Angle failed because he was standing there.

Angle said he was there to put the young guys over, and he had been doing it his whole career, and it had gotten him disrespected. Crimson said he was wrong because none of the guys disrespected him. Angle went to walk off and Crimson stopped him. He challenged Kurt to a match next week and closed by saying he was real, damn real…Mexican America cut a promo for their title match…[C]

Shore's Slant: Pretty good mic work from Crimson. I wasn't moved to tears or anything like that, but it was solid. Nice progression from him. Now if his in ring work can smooth out he might be a stud.

Back from commercial, Jeff and Karen Jarrett joined the announce team and trashed the Spanish announce team. Karen even called them dirty Mexicans. Mexican America made their entrance and Jeff said they endorsed him. Beer Money was out next…

[Q8] 5. Mexican America defeated Beer Money for the TNA Tag Team Championships at 6:18. Anarchia and Roode started. Beer Money worked a double team series and took out Hernandez as Jarrett talked about the great Mexican family, the Colons. For those confused, the Colon's are Puerto Rican.

Hernandez grabbed Storm from the outside and allowed Anarchia to take control. Roode got the hot tag and laid about both guys as the USA chant started. Beer Money hit the double suplex on Hernandez and did the Beer Money cheer. Rosita ran in and spit something on Storm. That led to Karen running in, and then Rosita running in.

Hernandez took Jeff's belt and hit Roode with it for the pinfal victory and new champions. Post-match, the big Mexican flag dropped and the Jarretts celebrated with Mexican America as Anarchia looked confused…

Shore's Slant: Well, it wouldn't feel like a TNA main event if I didn't get to say, "What an overbooked piece of shit that was." Wow, three run ins by women and then a title smash? We couldn't get it done with two? We HAD to do three? Unreal. Congratulations to the most offensive gimmick in all of wrestling.

By the way, playwright Kristoffer Diaz (The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity)and I talk about Mexican America and their influence in wrestling in an interview that only members can hear. If you're not a member, sign up now through the Dot Net Members' Signup Page for the special summer sale price of only $5 a month. Thanks for watching along with me tonight.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com or tweet me @TheShoreSlant with whatever is on your mind.

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