By Jason Powell

Dot Net Members are listening to the 103-minute Dot Net Weekly audio show featuring Jason Powell and Chris Shore discussing all the news of the week and breaking down the Money in the Bank pay-per-view main event of John Cena vs. C.M. Punk. Join the members on the ad-free version of the website via the Dot Net Members' Signup Page.

TNA "Impact Wrestling" on Spike TV
Taped in Orlando, Fla. at the Impact Zone

[Q1] The show opened with a video that focussed on the Mr. Anderson vs. Sting main event, plus Sting's new infatuation with The Joker, and Anderson joining Immortal...

The piss poor knockoff of the NWO music played. Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff led Immortal to the ring. They were all dressed in tuxedos and were accompanied to the ring by a group of attractive women. Mr. Anderson and Matt Hardy were both missing. Mike Tenay and Taz noted that Anderson was missing, but no mention was made of Hardy.

There was a poker table set up in the ring. Bischoff took the mic and said it was there because they were going to gamble with careers. Hogan said they were doing it because they can. Bischoff said they were wearing tuxedos because they were throwing Anderson a party because he's now part of their family.

Anderson came out wearing a camouflage tuxedo because he's from Wisconsin, which is the south of the north (kidding... kinda). Hogan acknowledged that he and Anderson had their issues, but he said now he wants to call him champion and welcome him to the family. Anderson and Hogan hugged.

Anderson said he and Hogan probably won't see eye to eye 100 percent of the time going forward. He said it's a gamble. He said the key is that he remains the top card in the deck, as Bischoff and Hogan promised him.

The lights went out and when they came back on, Sting was sitting in at the poker table doing his Joker impersonation. "Gamble, did somebody say gamble?" Sting asked. Bischoff said he respected Sting as a standup guy, but what Sting is doing now is just nuts. He said Sting has become the real cancer and Anderson is going to take him out.

Hogan vowed that Sting was going to leave the building on a stretcher. Sting stood up and said "no" about 50 times. "Even I'm starting to worry about me," Sting said. He showed an ace card and said he had an ace in the hole in the form of The Network. Sting said he's going to leave as the new TNA Champion.

Sting pointed to the ceiling. A group of evil clowns were in the rafters holding baseball bats. Bischoff called Sting a freak. Sting thanked him and said that was the nicest thing Bischoff has ever said to him. Sting said he's all in. He knocked the poker table over and the lights went out. When the lights came back on, Sting was gone... [C]

Powell's POV: That didn't make me want to watch the main event. The Immortal stuff is really played out, and Sting as The Joker is a big turnoff for this viewer. His heart is clearly into this, but he and the company have to know that this gimmick makes him a poser rather than an original. The Crow look was one thing, but mimicking The Joker's look and speech is just too much.

[Q2] The announcers spoke about the Bound For Glory Series. A video played and featured brief comments from Bully Ray and Matt Morgan. They showed the Bound For Glory Series standings...

Powell's POV: It's hard to take the series seriously when they showed the standings for four seconds.

1. Bobby Roode beat Samoa Joe and The Pope in a three-way BFG Series match in 5:45. The introductions of the wrestlers were not shown. The match started slow with the usual three-way bit with one wrestlers selling outside the ring while two wrestlers worked inside the ring.

In the end, Joe put Roode in a rear naked choke while lying on his back. Referee Earl Hebner counted Joe's shoulders down for the three count. Joe thought he won and wasn't happy. He argued with Hebner, who yelled back while turning red. A bunch of referees came out to keep them apart...

A shot aired of The Jarretts returning from their stay in Mexico... [C]

Powell's POV: The match looked better on paper than it played out. It was too slow early and it didn't last long once they kicked in into another gear. Fans are supposed to see Joe as a bad ass even though Earl Hebner isn't intimidated by him?

[Q3] Backstage, a camera outside Hogan's office captured him telling the Immortal guys that play time was over with Sting. Bischoff said something bad could happen to Sting as long as it didn't come back to them. "Accidents happen," Bischoff said. Hogan wasn't so subtle. Bischoff complained to Abyss about not destroying the X Division on Sunday.

The Jarretts entered the room. Karen brought sombreros for several members of the faction. Jarrett informed Hogan that he went to Mexico in front of 19,000 fans. They opened a briefcase and showed off the title belt that Jarrett won in AAA...

Powell's POV: That's the AAA Title belt? The only belt I've seen worse was an indy belt that had a couple of plaques attached to a weight lifting belt. Hell, that may have been the same belt.

Backstage, Devon's sons praised The Pope. Devon showed up and wasn't happy that his boys have man crushes on Pope. Devon told Pope that they are his boys and he tells them what to do, not Pope. The Pope said the boys look up to him. Devon said they look up to a two bit con... [C]

Powell's POV: Will they just get to the part where I find out which wrestler I'm supposed to like in this Pope and Devon drama? I assume it's Daddy Devon, but Pope actually came off like a nice guy in that segment.

A highlight video recapped the Ultimate X pay-per-view...

Powell's POV: Good production work and hip hop music. I'm not a hip hop guy, but it's important to have a good mix of music on wrestling shows.

2. Austin Aries beat Shannon Moore in 3:45. The Spanish broadcast team was shown before the match. Moore was given his share of offense. Aries grabbed Moore's lame ass Book of DILLIGAF. Moore grabbed the book, but Aries kept the chain and struck him with it to set up the pinfall win.

[Q4] After the match, Alex Shelley came out and questioned Aries using the chain. Aries acted like he was innocent and then left the ring. "Fair and square," Aries said while looking into the camera and heading backstage...

Powell's POV: A good match with a cheap finish. I guess they wanted to establish Aries as a heel, but did they really need to use The Book of DILLIGAF? If this loss leads to Shannon leaving that stupid book at home, then it will have been totally worth it. I enjoy watching Moore work, but TNA has exceeded their limit of wrestlers bringing books to the ring.

Backstage, Abyss said Brian Kendrick has something that belongs to him - the X Division Title. When he turned around, one of Sting's evil clowns hit him with a baseball bat...

Powell's POV: I really wish the clown would have struck Abyss with the bat before he opened his mouth. Then again, I wish I wasn't watching people dress up like The Joker wannabe's evil clown minions. Yes, there are evil clown minions on Impact.

Backstage, Moore complained about Aries using the chain. Shelley said if Aries was really the greatest man alive, he wouldn't need to cheat... Aries cut a promo about how he's the best pound for pound wrestler and he's going to compete every time he's in the ring. He shared a laugh with the camera guys and then thanked them...

Madison Rayne and Tara cut promos to hype their match. Tara brought Madison a present and said she'd have to wait until after the match to open it... The announcers hyped Anderson vs. Sting... [C]

Powell's POV: Wait, wasn't Aries the bad guy who used the chain? Why is he being so nice to the camera guys? When did Alex Shelley become such a do-gooder? Oh, and wasn't Shannon the angry punk guy who cheated not too long ago? Oh, that's right, he became Mr. USA along with Jesse Neal. Hey, whatever happened to Jesse Neal?

The Bound For Glory video aired...

[Q5] Backstage, Scott Steiner was hitting on So Cal Val when one of Sting's evil clown minions showed up and hit him with a bat...

3. Tara beat Madison Rayne in 3:40. Tara drove a motorcycle to the ring and brought the gift box with her. Madison wanted Tara to lie down for her (so does Dot Net Member Ernesto Cruz) and let her win. Tara wasn't going for it. Madison got Tara down and opened the box. She pulled out Poison the tarantula. Madison freaked. Tara recovered and hit the Widow's Peak for the win...

Powell's POV: Really? They're bringing back the f'n spider? Good lord. Spiders and evil clowns. Did TNA strike a talent sharing deal with the Jim Rose Circus? I guess R-Truth should be happy that Tara is in TNA.

The announcers hyped Anderson vs. Sting... A shot aired of Kurt Angle walking backstage... [C]

Backstage, The British Invasion spoke about their No. 1 contenders match and then complimented one another on their new ring gear jackets...

[Q6] Kurt Angle came to the ring for a promo and said he will get a TNA Title shot in the main event of the TNA Hardcore Justice pay-per-view on August 7. He said he'll face the winner of Mr. Anderson vs. Sting. He said he would like to face Anderson due to their history.

Angle recalled being part of the Main Event Mafia with Sting. He said fans tell him that their empty arena match was one of the greatest matches they ever saw. Really? Angle said there wasn't a winner, and he's never actually beaten Sting. "It kinda pisses me off," Angle said. "It makes me want to beat you even more." Angle said he was going to stand in the back and watch the title match, but will leave Hardcore Justice as the TNA Champion...

Powell's POV: I'm not just saying this because tomorrow is opening day for the last Harry Potter flick, but I think Kurt Angle is slowly morphing into Lord Voldemort. The Joker and Lord Voldemort together at last?

Jeff Jarrett was carrying the briefcase that contains his title belt backstage, while Karen followed with all of their luggage. Karen opened the back of their truck and one of the clowns was inside. She ran away. The clown got the better of Jarrett and then dragged him around the corner, presumably to have clown sex with him... [C]

Powell's POV: Okay, so I may have assumed a little too much with the clown sex part. Women are allowed to carry luggage? My girlfriend is a goddamn liar. Men everywhere can learn from Big Daddy Jeff Jarrett.

4. Mexican America beat The British Invasion to become No. 1 contenders to the TNA Tag Titles. Hernandez and the other guy got some mic time before the match, which led to a "lalalalalala" sound accompanied by ear plugging in my living room. The Invasion hit the ring like British Road Warriors. They sold more in the first minute than the Road Warriors did in six months worth of matches.

[Q7] British Invasion hit their finisher on Arachnophobia or whatever the hell his name is. Rosita stood on the ring apron and bickered with referee Jackson James. Hernandez cheated behind the ref's back, so the other guy who annoys me when he talks got the pin. "A lot of stuff going on right there," Taz said. There always is with TNA matches...

Backstage, Bischoff told Bully Ray and Gunner than they are his last line of defense. He asked them not to let him or Hulk Hogan down. Gunner said he wouldn't be the hunted, he wants to be the hunter. Brother Ray acted like he agreed, but then stayed inside the office while Gunner walked off... [C]

A video featured "Deep Thoughts" Brian Kendrick talking about his X Division Title win, and Alex Shelley talking about becoming No. 1 contender. Kendrick said Shelley beating him would sever him from his purpose and then he held up the X Division Title...

Tenay hyped Kendrick vs. Shelley, Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne, and Scott Steiner vs. RVD, and A.J. Styles vs. RVD vs. Matt Morgan vs. Gunner in a ladder match for next week's Impact...

Highlights aired of the evil clown minions doing what evil clown minions apparently do...

Gunner stood in a backstage area calling for the evil clown minons. He brought a lead pipe. Four evil clown minions showed up. The first one knocked the pipe out of Gunner's hands immediately, and then all four clowns beat him. The evil clowns unmasked and revealed themselves to be Kazarian, Daniels, Styles, and James Storm...

Powell's POV: I guess this means Sting's evil clown minions won't be a weekly fixture since they've already been revealed as the Fortune members. Not a bad reveal. I can't say I knew it was the Fortune guys. Then again, I was so uninspired by the evil clown minions that I didn't even think about their identities. That's probably not a good thing. I guess this means Styles and Daniels are still on the same page.

The wrestlers made their entrances for the main event...

[Q8] Jeremy Borash handled the in-ring introductions for the TNA Title match...

5. Sting beat Mr. Anderson to win the TNA Title in 9:10. There was a "Let's Go Stinger" chant as the match started. Anderson locked Sting in a Scorpion Leg Lock early, but Sting reached the ropes to break the hold. There was a really bad spot when Sting tried to pick up Anderson and drop him on the ropes. Sting stumbled and they both landed awkwardly. Sting used Anderson's Mic Check.

Later, Sting put Anderson in the Scorpion Leg Lock at 7:20. Anderson tapped out, but the ref had been bumped. Bully Ray hit the ring and attacked Sting from behind. He pulled out a chain and told Anderson to hold Sting. Ray wrapped the chain around his hand.

The lights went out and when they came on an evil clown minion was in the ring. The clown hit Ray with a bat. The lights went out. The clown and Sting were both gone, and only Anderson remained. The clown was shown on the stage. Sting reentered the ring and hit the Scorpion Death Drop on Anderson. The ref recovered and counted the pin. The clown unmasked and revealed himself to be Kurt Angle...

Powell's POV: A lousy show with a title change that does nothing for me. I thought they figured out that 52 year-old Sting can't be counted on to deliver consistently strong pay-per-view main events. They just keep going back to the same old crap. Anderson's title reign was completely worthless from the start. Does this mean he'll leave Immortal now that he's not the champion or does he only care about being the top guy in the faction? I have to be honest, I don't care. TNA just has that affect on a lot of viewers. There's no reason to believe it's going to get better as long as the current creative regime is in place. Pull the plug.

RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE: