By Ryan Kester

TNA "Impact Wrestling" on Spike TV
Taped in Orlando, FL in the Impact Wrestling Zone

[Q1] A quick video with reactions from the various wrestlers about the results of their matches at Slammiversary aired. Mr. Anderson's music blared and he stood at the top of the ramp holding the TNA Championship. He made his way to the ring as the crowd booed.

The ring was littered with beer kegs, arcade games, and bowls of chips and dip. Mr. Anderson welcomed everyone to the first ever "Asshole Championship Reception." He said he invited everyone in the back and no one showed. He said he wasn't here to make friends, and he held up the TNA title.

He said he doesn’t need anyone in the back, and he doesn't need the fans. He said there are five people important to him, "my niece, my wife, and me, myself, and I." He was about to go further when Gunner's music hit and he walked out to the celebration.

Gunner talked about how Anderson asked for his help to cripple Sting last week and he did just that. He said Anderson owed him. Anderson sarcastically thanked Gunner and told him his services are no longer required, and good luck in all his future endeavors. Gunner demanded a TNA title shot.

Anderson asked him if the ink was even dry on his contract yet and told Gunner that there' people in front of him in line for a shot at his title. Anderson then got a beer, took a sip, and poured the rest on Gunner. Gunner ended up with cuts on his face and instantly began beating Anderson before throwing him through a table… [C]

Ryan's Rant: Short and sweet and make Gunner look like gold. I really liked the opening segment and I liked seeing Gunner actually talking.

[Q2] 1. Devon beat Hernandez in 1:50 via DQ. Rosita instantly tried to get in the ring to distract the ref and Anarquia interfered in the match. It was all for naught, however, as Devon quickly took it to Hernandez and connected with a huge clothesline. He then hit Hernandez with a spear and the Pope came out of the back and started walking to the ring.

Devon got distracted by the pope interacting with Devon's family. Mexican America stormed the ring and the ref disqualified Hernandez. The Pope stormed the ring and drove the xenophobic faction out of the ring.

As the Pope was leaving, Devon's wife touched his arm and gave him the googly eyes.

Backstage, Anderson stormed into Bischoff's office and complained about Gunner. Bischoff taunted Anderson about how he gave him a chance to enter Immortal before and how he lost his chance. He put over his connections with the Network and said he was going to put him in a match with Gunner, and he'd have to take care of things by himself.

Kurt Angle was shown walking backstage with his kids… [C]

Ryan's Rant: I don't get a good feeling seeing those children on my TV. It usually doesn't end with much class, and it makes me think they're actually going to make good on Jarrett's words and have this damned feud continue. The match was a complete joke, and I would be absolutely shocked if that was actually Devon's wife. Mexican America needs to just stay off of my TV.

Kurt Angle came down to the ring without his children. The announcers ran through some still shots of Angle's match with Jeff Jarrett at Slammiversary. Kurt Angle talked about how he's the new number-on contender and he's happy to be done with Jeff after eight months. He said people must have been wondering why he put his gold medals on the line, no, not really, because that's something you just don't do. Yeah Kurt, you've done it at least three times now.

Kurt talked about what the TNA title would mean to him, but he wanted a real competition so he was going for the Olympic wrestling team for 2012. He said he'll be 43 years old and some may call him crazy but he wanted to make history and represent his country.

[Q3] Jarrett's music hit and he started walking to the ring. Jarrett said their feud wasn't over. He said their relationship started in a parking lot with a handshake and tonight it would end in the parking lot here in Orlando. He challenged Kurt to one more match, a loser leaves TNA match.

Kurt Angle put Jarrett over…by calling him a gnat. He ran through a litany of insulting labels for Jeff and talked about how the business was in his blood and he had no honor by asking for another match. Kurt talked about how Jeff's word means nothing to him as he asked Jeff two years ago if there was something going on between him and Karen, and Jeff lied to his face..

Kurt said Jeff would have to get a contract written up and said he'd have to move to Mexico, without Kurt's kids, if he lost. Jeff accepted and Kurt told him to get his "pussy ass" in the back and get it done... [C]

Ryan's Rant: Ugggggggggggggggh. Do we really need to go through this crap? Why can't they just let this damned feud die? None of these stupid stipulations mean a thing when there's always "one more match."

A video detailing the Bound For Glory Series aired. The series will track the wrestlers win and loss record to determine the number one contender for the Bound For Glory TNA title match.

Backstage, Eric Young asked Matt Morgan if he was ready for his TV title shot. Morgan said he wasn't interested in the little toy red belt because he was going for the TNA Championship. He told Eric to pick someone else for the TV title shot… [C]

Ryan's Rant: The Series sounds interesting, but they've done something similar before and handled it poorly. Way to make the TV title mean something guys.

[Q4] Back from commercial, Tenay and Taz talked about how they were going to be holding a series of matches to beef up their X-Division in time for the X-Division PPV.

2. Austin Aries beat Kid Kash and Jimmy Rave in 4:23 to earn a shot at an X-Division contract. Austin Aries was quickly thrown to the floor and Kid Kash and Jimmy rave worked chain wrestling in the middle of the ring.

Aries came back quite quickly and began taking it to the other two men. Kash went for a springboard move but got hit by a spear from rave. Aries hit a knee breaker turned into a rock bottom turned into a reverse spinning elbow drop. Wow. Aries then hit a huge suicide dive to the outside. Ares went to the top but got cut off by Rave with an urinagi on the apron. Kash then hit a flying senton from the top rope to the floor on both men. Aries and Kash exchanged fists in the ring, and Kash hit a suplex slam on Aries.

Aries hit a brainbuster on rave and got the 1-2-3.

Backstage velvet and Tessmacher were walking backstage talking about their match later in the evening and Velvet debuted her new attire. I must say, it's not hard on the eyes. The two grabbed each other's asses to go into the break.

Ryan's Rant:Awesome match. I find it incredibly sad that TNA has to go out of their company to find good cruiserweight talent, but that's what happens when you try to kill the division right before you try and push it to the moon. I've never seen Aries perform before, so that was a treat. Knockouts are still trashy, but at least they're decent to look at.

Back in the ring, Mexican America was in the ring and Hebner sent the two guys to the back. Velvet and Tessmacher made their entrance.

[Q5] 3. Rosita and Sarita defeated Velvet Sky and Miss Tessmacher in 3:48. Velvet and Sarita started off the contest. Velvet hit a wheelbarrow arm drag on Sarita, who tagged in Rosita. Velvet tagged in Tessmacher.

The Knockouts worked quick tags until Sarita and Velvet were back in the ring together. The faces worked quick tags to wear down Sarita until Sarita came back and started to work over Tessmacher. Velvet tagged in and started to work over both of the Mexican America women. ODB came out and distracted Velvet long enough for Rosita to get the pin on Tessmacher.

After the match, Jackie hit the ring and worked with ODB to demolish Velvelt. Security hit the ring and got their balls kicked by ODB. You'd think they'd know to block for that by now. The brawl continued between security dragging the women apart and getting their nads kicked.

Backstage Jeff was signing the contract and Hulk Hogan was putting over Jarrett. Sting showed up and Hogan said he was going to honor his contract. He told him on the fourteenth on Spike he'd get his rematch for the TNA title match. Sting said he believed him. Sting asked him if the real Hulk Hogan was back. Hulk said this was the real Hulk Hogan.

The two started talking about WCW and the positive effect Hogan had on the company and the respect they had for each other. The two continued to fellate each other for a while as they took a trip down memory lane for a while. Sting concluded it by asking if Hogan wanted to leave this as his legacy for Brooke and Nick. Hogan got irate and Sting started laughing. Hogan told him to get out and Sting went crazy and wrecked the office. Sting went completely bat shit Joker crazy and asked Hogan if he wanted a mask. He then started covering Hogan's face in red paint. He laughed maniacally… [C]

Ryan's Rant: Did I just see a double-turn? If not, they sure made Hogan look like the sympathetic character and Sting look like a crazed heel that went too far. The knockouts tag titles are a joke and the match was a throwaway. They need to just let Velvet go for the Knockouts title.

[Q6] ODB and Jackie were talking trash backstage when velvet showed up and attacked. She quickly got her ass kicked and Jackie and ODB rained down trashy comments.

Aries cut a quick promo about how wrestling matters until Eric Young showed up to ruin things. Eric challenged a producer to a match. He attacked the producer and pinned him and made Aries make a three-count. He then celebrated and left.

4. Eric Young pinned a producer in :03 in a Street Fight to retain the TNA TV title. Austin Aries was the special referee of this terrible segment.

Back in the Impact Zone, the announcers hyped the main event… [C]

Ryan's Rant: At least that segment allowed me to entertain myself. Other than that, it was just terrible. Keep Eric Young off of my TV. He makes me want to chuck my cat at the screen every time I hear him talk.

5. Rob Van Dam beat Samoa Joe in 9:10. RVD's music still sucks. Apparently if someone wins by submission they get 10 points towards the BFG series. Great, they're making this their TNA fantasy game and it's going to be overly complicated.

Samoa Joe took and early advantage and RVD had to roll to the outside to recover. Samoa Joe worked over RVD with quick jabs and power moves. RVD kicked Samoa Joe in the corner and went for his monkey flip but Joe reversed and sent RVD to the floor. Samoa Joe then hit a suicide dive to the outside.

Back in the ring Samoa Joe continued to work over RVD with strikes and running moves to the corner. Samoa Joe got a near fall and then started Flair chopping RVD in the corner. RVD, like a dumbass, went for a springboard moonsault when Joe was walking away from him and he ate canvas. That spot looked terrible.

[Q7] Samoa Joe locked in a chinlock and tried to transfer into a rear naked choke but RVD battled out before getting flattened again. Joe locked in a seated crossface and RVD again had to work to get out of the hold. RVD hit a jawbreaker and Rolling Thunder, and got a two count. RVD hit his step-over enziguri and charged Joe in the corner. However, Joe nailed a massive urinagi on RVD and set up up for the Muscle Buster. He gave up on that, however and went for the superplex. RVD reversed and hit the Five-Star Frog Splash for the 1-2-3.

Backstage, Gunner was getting stitches and he talked about how Anderson owed him and he doesn’t like anybody.

Ryan's Rant: They made Joe look like a beast in that match, which is how it should be. They gave these guys plenty of time and I enjoyed the match. I can tell this BFG series is going to be a train wreck of overbooked and overthought crap, and it annoys me because the opening video talking about how it was all with wins and losses sounded awesome. I'm not thrilled with the points system aspect of this as I feel it will only make things convoluted and detract from what could be a great idea.

Back from the break, Jarrett was taping up his wrists in anticipation of the parking lot brawl they have later in the evening.

6. Gunner defeated Mr. Anderson in 7:35Anderson didn't have the title with him when he came out of the back. Gunner has new trunks. Gunner took the early advantage, and Anderson went to ringside to get away from him.

On the way back into the ring, Anderson caught Gunner with a neckbreaker and then locked in a rest hold. Anderson worked over Gunner in the corner and stared getting cocky. Anderson continued to kick and beat down the bigger man.

[Q8] Anderson went for and missed the Green Bay Plunge. Gunner immediately went to work and started tearing into Anderson. Gunner actually started getting some cheers from the crowd. Anderson came back, though, and hit the rolling fireman's carry before working Gunner over with punches. Anderson stomped Gunner's stomach and called for the Mic. He cut a mid-match promo about how he's still the TNA Champion. Gunner then scooped him up and hit the F5 for the win.

Kurt Angle was shown walking backstage... [C]

Ryan's Rant: Gunner has gone over two TNA Champions in as many weeks. They are pushing this guy hard at the expense of the TNA Championship. I seriously think they are trying to make Eric Bischoff and Gunner the new Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar.

Scott Steiner cut a screaming promo about how he was going to beat up Bully Ray next week in their match. He talked about how Bully ray likes sugar, but he ain't got none. Thanks for that Steiner.

Bully Ray's retort was reminding everyone how he crushed Steiner's trachea two years ago.

In the parking lot, Jeff was walking to his confrontation with Kurt. He handed Kurt the contract and the fight was one.

7. Kurt Angle defeated Jeff Jarrett in a Street Fight in 5:10. they started grappling instantly and were surrounded by all the TNA guys. Kurt took an early advantage and beat the tar out of Jeff. Kurt locked in an armbar but Jeff got out of it.

Kurt slammed Jeff on the concrete and then tried to throw him into a car. Jeff powered out and hit the Stroke, lightly, on a van's hood. He then hit the Stroke on the concrete in the weakest manner ever to knock Kurt out and seemingly won the street fight. Kurt, however, stood up and slammed Jeff hard on the concrete. He then hit the Angle slam on the hood of a car, and started choking Jeff with his own shirt. Jeff said he gives and told the TNA guys "Adios."

Ryan's Rant: That served absolutely no purpose and took away from the main event, which featured the TNA champion. What a godawful way to end a pretty decent show. This show had its ups and down, but overall the time seemed to go by at a pretty brisk pace, which is more than I can say for most editions of Impact. I'll have more to say about this show tomorrow in my Rundown. Be sure to check back tomorrow for Will Pruett's Member's exclusive review of the show. You can catch his audio and more by visiting the member's signup link on the right side of this page. Thank you for following along with me and I will see you back here next week.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to send me an email at ryan.kester@gmail.com or hit me up on Twitter at @Ryan_Kester. Have a good week.

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