By Ryan Kester

TNA Impact on Spike TV

Taped in Orlando, Fla. at the Impact Zone

[Q1] TNA kicked off with a video package covering last week’s Impact. This week’s Impact is titled, "The Network is Coming" The show began with Immortal in the ring with Sting and RVD heading to the ring.

The crowd chanted "let them fight" and Hogan taunted them. Hogan claimed the three TNA security guards were brought out by Sting and RVD so they didn’t have to fight. Hogan demanded to know who the network executive was that has been making all of the decisions recently. Sting said a representative, a female representative, would be here next week. D-Lo brown and Fortune hit the ring to attack Immortal.

Robert Roode called Hogan a coward and said he wasn’t going to talk about how he and Fortune built TNA with blood, sweat, and tears. He said he wasn’t going to talk about how he idolized Hogan as a kid. He said he had something Hogan didn’t have, and that was pride. He talked about putting food on the table for his kids and how the rest of the roster busts their ass to earn their pay, and Hogan doesn’t.

Roode said Hogan "rapes" and steal from the fans each and every week. He said he rapes and steals from TNA, and that he ruins people’s lives. He talked about how Hogan fired a close friend, Jay Lethal. He called himself Bobby Roode, and he was the man who was going to stand up to Hogan. He called him a selfish son of a bitch and that everything will change next week. His music hit, and the how switched to Karen and Jeff confronting a naked velvet Sky. Calm down, she was wearing a towel.

The announcers hyped the debut of Sangriento after the break… [C]

Ryan’s Rant: To me, there was way too much going on in that opener. I don’t know if I am just not used to the TNA pacing yet, but I had a hard time keeping track of everything that was going on. I’m not a fan of the talk about feeding one’s kids. AJ Styles did it last week, and Roode did it this week. It’s too stereotypical babyface for my liking. Granted, I can see money in Roode being the Blue Collar country boy just trying to do his job, and that would work, but AJ was too recently playing a playboy character for me to take his talk of his family seriously. Other than that, Roode once again impresses with his promos. He has future star written all over him. The naked Velvet segment was unnecessary, and the Sangriento character looks a little too much like another recent rising luchador star.

[Q2] Back from commercial, Matt Hardy was cutting a promo on Bobby Roode. He put himself over as the greatest tag-team performer in the history of wrestling. He said he was going to call someone and he and that person would Challenge Beer Money for the tag titles at Sacrifice.

Suicide and Sangriento made their entrances.

1. Sangriento defeated Suicide via pinfall in 3: 57 Suicide controlled the match early with a shoulder block. Sangriento dropkicked Suicide to the floor and then hit him with a baseball slide/huracarana. Suicide swept the legs out of Sangriento on the apron. Suicide threw him back into the ring and worked him over in the corner. Sangriento came back with a kick to the gut, but Suicide regained control with a dropkick.

Suicide dropped and elbow on Sangriento’s chest. Sangriento came back with a dropkick to the back of Suicide’s head from the second rope. Sangriento hit a huracarana and worked over Suicide with a series of kicks. Suicide went for a slam but Sangriento reversed it into a huracarana. He then hit a springboard cutter to get the 1-2-3.

Hogan and Bischoff talked backstage and pondered over who could be the network executive. Hogan said it better not be Flair… [C]

Ryan’s Rant: Sangriento’s music needs some work. I don’t want to hear calming music with an X-Division star. They just don’t go well together. Decent enough match, but not what you’d expect from two X-Division guys. The pace just wasn’t where it should be. The springboard cutter was a cool move, but this was an otherwise forgettable match.

[Q3] Back from break, Mexican America was in the ring to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Hernandez said that the gringos should stand and salute their new national flag. Anarquia cut a promo about why Cinco de Mayo exists. They invited the Spanish announce team to join in the celebration. Anarquia put over Hector Guererro, but put down Willie Urbina. Anarquia attacked Ubina, and Guererro defended him. Anarquia said that they were going to bury both of them.

Ink Inc. stormed the ring and attacked Mexican America. Jessie Neal said that Mexican America don’t disrespect their country or their flag. He told them to take their green cards and let the door hit their ass on the way out. Shannon Moore held Old Glory in the ring.

The announcers hyped Bully Ray and Gunner vs. A.J. Styles and Christopher Daniels for after the break... [C]

Ryan’s Rant: I can barely understand Anarquia. He screams his promos and throws in Spanish lines that, even when translated, make no sense. I am not a fan of this stable, and I want it to end. Even if the subject matter were better, Hernandez has no personality, and Anarquia can’t cut a good promo. Also, didn’t Moore just turn heel? When did he turn back?

Bully ray and Gunner made their entrances, followed by Daniels and AJ Styles.

2. Bully Ray and Gunner vs. AJ Styles Christopher Daniels ended in a no-contest in 4:08 AJ tagged in and Bully Ray quickly tagged out. AJ nailed Gunner with a dropkick, and tagged in Daniels. AJ tagged back in and the pair continued to work over Gunner with quick tags and double-team moves. Eventually, Bull ray interfered and allowed Gunner to gain control.

The heels took their turn with quick tags while working over Daniels. Daniels hit Gunner with a flying forearm and got the hot tag to AJ. AJ hit a springboard forearm and a Pele kick. He tried another springboard but Bully ray shook the ropes and caused him to crash and burn. Tommy Dreamer entered the ring and nailed Styles with a piledriver to cause the no-contest… [C]

Ryan’s Rant: Decent match. Dreamer’s turn was unexpected, but people turn so much in TNA, just like Shannon Moore, that the turns lose all effect after a while. They really need to cut back on these turns because it’s hard to keep track of who is what, and the frequency of these turns only waters down their impact.

[Q4] Back from break, Dreamer was freaking out backstage and tearing the place apart. Then, the show switched to AJ styles shaking his hand as if he was trying to get feeling back into his arm. Fortune questioned what dreamer was doing.

Ryan’s Rant: Considering someone just retired due to a severe neck injury, and he was talking about how he was losing feeling in his hands, that was completely unnecessary. I like an injury angle that brings light to a subject matter like they did with Anderson’s concussion. That was very well done and had a purpose. This doesn’t seem to be the case with AJ’s neck, and I think the timing of the angle is suspect. If they are actually playing off of that tragedy, then they need to stop. I’m willing to see where they take this, but right now it’s throwing up a red flag.

Bully ray and Matt hardy were talking about dreamer and his family and why he must have attacked AJ. They put over Immortal as being unstoppable.

Coming up next, Velvet Sky and The Jarretts will confront each other. The camera then panned to Winter forcing pills in Love’s mouth. Winter talked about how eventually she wouldn’t need the pills, and how the two were star-crossed soul mates and that they were meant to be together.

Ryan’s Rant: They told me they were going to commercial and then they cut to a backstage segment. Stuff like that, the little things, are what make TNA, especially their production team, look low budget. It’s frustrating to see these things happen because it wouldn’t take much work to fix or prevent them and they would do wonders to making TNA look like the major player that it is.

Back from break, The Jarretts made their entrance. Velvet Sky then made her way to the ring. Karen talked about how the mystery is over while the crowd chanted "sloppy seconds." Karen said that every woman backstage has been a champion except for Velvet. Once again, Karen made a hilarious joke about Velvet being a slut. Ok, not really, it was just classless.

[Q5] Karen said Velvet was trying to use Kurt to get over in TNA. Velvet denied being Kurt’s mistress. Velvet said she would never sleep with someone to get anywhere. She said that was more Karen’s style. Velvet said she only wanted to be the TNA Knockouts Champion. Velvet said she had business to attend to and she was leaving the ring. Karen told her she wasn’t going anywhere. Karen said Velvet would be in a handicap match against Angelina Love and Winter tonight.

Almost on cue, Winter and Angelina came to the ring. Karen told them to take Velvet out.

Kurt Angle’ music hit and he got in the ring. He said the network made the handicap match a mixed-tag a handicap match. Kurt and Velvet versus Jeff Jarrett, Winter, and Angelina.

Velvet took the mic and invited Karen to the main event. She said after the match, she would bend Karen over her knee and do what her mother should have done a long time ago.

Backstage, Bischoff was bitching about Kurt Angle. Rob terry and Murphy said they could help. Bischoff yelled at them and made a match, Terry vs. Murphy, with eh loser leaving Immortal… [C]

Ryan’s Rant: I still don’t see why Karen talks so much on a wrestling show. Velvet is downright annoying on the stick. I am not looking forward to this big guy match. I’m usually a fan of big man matches, but I have seen nothing out of Murphy and Rob Terry isn’t exactly wonderful in the ring.

[Q6] Backstage, Crimson walked around backstage with a hammer looking for Joe.

Murphy was already in the ring, and Rob terry made his entrance.

3. Rob Terry beat Murphy in 3:16. The big men tried to clothesline each other and just bounced off. Terry hit some offense, but Murphy quickly came back. Murphy landed some strikes, but terry came back and worked him over in the corner.

Murphy slammed terry to the mat, and dropped a knee n the back of his head. Murphy went to the top and hit a Kane-style flying clothesline. Murphy went back to working over Terry with strikes. Terry came back with a back body drop and a suplex that he floated over into a powerslam to get the win.

Backstage, Bischoff said that was bad. Hogan said they were both out of Immortal. The two continued to try and guess who the network executive is. Hogan said the people in the office know too much.

The announcers hyped the main event… [C]

Ryan’s Rant: You’re right, Bischoff, that was bad. Thanks for letting everyone know. The match wasn’t anything that would light the world on fire, but it wasn’t downright awful either. Bischoff’s line didn’t help anything. Rob Terry has an interesting looking finisher, but he needs to ramp up the effort he puts into it. The move looks like it could be jackhammer brutal, but Terry didn’t put the power into it he needed to.

Back from commercial, Crimson and Samoa Joe had a brief confrontation about how Joe left Crimson lying during Abyss’s assault last week.

Miss Tessmacher made her long, stripper entrance, followed closely by Mickie James.

4. Mickie James defeated Miss Tessmacher in 3:52 Miss Tessmacher dropped her glasses just to bend over in front of Earl Hebner. Tessmacher instantly went after James’s injured shoulder. James must not have been affected, though, as she quickly used that shoulder to shoulder block Tessmacher before doing a cartwheel. Tessmacher tried a victory roll, but only got a two-count. Tessmacher continued to target the supposedly injured shoulder of James.

James came back and again used the injured arm to take down Tessmacher, and she continued not to sell any arm pain. James botched her finishing DDT to win the match.

[Q7] Post-match, Madison Rayne and Tara came out onto the stage. Madison put herself over as the greatest Knockout champion of all time and demanded the same rematch she gave Mickie for the title. Mickie accepted the challenge as long as Madison put the contract she has with Tara on the line.

Ryan’s Rant: Miss Tessmacher, although a fun take on the hot librarian character, needs to tone it down a bit. The stripping entrance was a bit much, and then the bending over in front of Hebner put it over the top. Women wrestlers should be strong and sexually appealing because of their abilities, not because they’re shouting their sexuality into any male’s face that happens to be looking at them. Mickie James needs to learn how to sell an injury, especially if the announcers are going to talk about it the entire match. Why doesn’t TNA just use the old standby rematch clause for an explanation why a former champion should get a shot at the title they just lost? It seems like every rematch has to have some sort of stupid stipulation to it that gives away the finish. It’s another case of TNA overdoing a gimmick that ultimately waters it down and takes away its impact.

Backstage, X-Division guys made their way through the locker room saying they weren’t going to get the same treatment as Jay Lethal, and they were demanding to see Bischoff… [C]

Ryan’s Rant: They’re really milking Jay Lethal’s firing. I hope Lethal was ok with what they are doing, otherwise it seems kind of low to be kicking a guy on his way out the door.

Back from the break, a video package featuring RVD and Sting talking about their match at Sacrifice was shown.

[Q8]The participants of the main event made their entrances.

5. Kurt Angle and Velvet Sky defeated Jeff Jarrett, Winter, and Angelina Love (w/Karen Jarrett) in 7:52. Jeremy Borash handled in-ring introductions. Winter and velvet started the match. Velvet took early control with a monkey flip and some knees to Winter’s face. Angelina Love tagged in and no-sold a jawbreaker from velvet.

Karen interfered in the match and the show went to break… [C]

Back from the break, Love worked over Sky with kicks. Winter tagged in and her and Love double-teamed Sky. Sky got a hot tag to Kurt and Kurt worked Jarrett over with his offense. Jarrett came back with a DDT on Kurt and got a two-count.

Kurt Angle caught Jarrett in the ankle lock. Jeff reached for Karen, and Angle used Jeff to drag Karen into the match. Sky tagged in and Went after Karen but Winter jumped in to make the save. Winter and Love tried to double-team Velvet, but she managed to hit the two with a double DDT to get the win.

Post-match, Kurt said Velvet wasn’t the mistress. He said the "Chosen One" would take out Karen. He said the Chosen One would be here next week.

The camera panned to Bischoff and Hogan again questioning who the network executive is. They ended up thinking it was Goldberg because of spray paint saying "You’re Next" on their car. The X-Division guys from before were shown laughing and smoking.

Ryan’s Rant: I really don’t understand why that was the main event of the evening. It certainly didn’t feel like one and I can’t help but get the feeling they could have done something with RVD and Sting rather than give them a video package and call it a day. Next week better deliver, because that’s all they really focused on tonight.

They were completely focused on the Network representative and Kurt Angle’s mistress, which will both be revealed next week. I certainly can appreciate wanting to hook viewers on episodic television, but it left this week’s episode feeling empty. Plus, while they mentioned Sacrifice a time or two, I don’t think they did enough to get the hype going for that show. Thank you for following along with me and I’ll see you all next week.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me at ryan.kester@gmail.com or find me on twitter at @Ryan_Kester.

RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE: