By Jason Powell

TNA Impact on Spike TV
Taped in Orlando, Fla. at the Impact Zone

[Q1] The show opened with a video package that focussed on Mr. Anderson and featured at least a dozen "asshole" mentions...

Powell's POV: That clicking sound you heard came after parents across the country simultaneously told their kids to turn off the channel. It doesn't offend me in the least and I dig an edgier product, but I think they're running the asshole thing into the ground.

The show is called "Do The Math"... Mr. Anderson came to the ring with a man in a suit, who he later identified as a professor from the University of Wisconsin Green Bay. They went to the ring together and stood next to a white board with a few equations written on it. Anderson worked out a formula about how he deserves a rematch for the title.

Anderson recalled a woman he went to college with and questioned whether the professor told the girl he was gay. He quickly pointed out that he doesn't have a problem with gay people and said one of his best friends is gay. The professor eventually confirmed that he did. Anderson ended up giving the guy a Stone Cold Stunner, er, Mic Check.

Hulk Hogan's music played. Hogan and Eric Bischoff headed to the ring together. Once in the ring, Bischoff called Anderson a bad comedian and said his jokes suck. He said Anderson is a bad example for the fans and everyone in TNA. Hogan took the mic and said he actually digs Anderson's shenanigans. "That's spot on, that's entertainment," Hogan said.

Hogan's mood changed as he said Anderson has been messing with his rules. He recalled telling Anderson that he can do things the hard way or the Immortal way. Hogan said Anderson won't get a rematch until he earns it. He said Anderson has a rematch clause that is signed by Dixie Carter, which doesn't mean anything now that he's running the show.

Hogan said the contract is worthless and Anderson can wipe his "entire asshole body with it." Hogan said Anderson has to beat Rob Van Dam tonight and then he'll get his shot. Anderson got worked up and said Van Dam isn't even in his league. Cue Van Dam's music.

As Van Dam walked to the ring, Mike Tenay, who was accompanied by Taz on commentary, said we'd hear from RVD after the break...

Powell's POV: It doesn't take a professor to know that 20 mentions of the word asshole plus a Mic Check on a professor character plus Anderson battling the heel authority figures in Hogan and Bischoff does not equal Steve Austin. The thing that annoys me so much about it is that Anderson is talented enough that he can be a top guy without strolling down Stone Cold Memory Lane.

[Q2] [C] Van Dam asked Anderson if he had any funny words for him now that they were standing face to face. Anderson said he would say it when they meet in the ring. Hogan said that if Anderson can't beat RVD, he'll end up back in the "sandbox playing that perverted professor."

Van Dam recalled signing with TNA. He said everyone from Vince Russo to Dixie Carter called, but he didn't take it seriously until Hogan called him about coming to TNA. Van Dam told Hogan to stop holding him back and let him be the Whole F'n Show.

Sting's music played and he walked onto the stage with the new TNA Title belt draped over his shoulder. Sting questioned whether Hogan and Bischoff are really tight with the network. Stingsaid he got a call from the network and they want him to be the special enforcer of the Van Dam vs. Anderson match. Sting said that if anything out of the ordinary happens, he's in control...

The announcers hyped that Ric Flair would be issuing a challenge to Fortune... Tenay and Taz spoke at the desk and narrated footage from last week of Bully Ray powerbombing Styles off the stage. Tenay said Styles suffered a bruised spinal cord and has some cervical damage... Taz teased Tara vs. Mickie James for after the break... [C]

Mickie James made her entrance. Footage aired of Madison Rayne telling Tara to beat Mickie "or else." Tara dropped a Charlie Sheen "winning, duh" reference...

1. Mickie James beat Tara in 3:15. The announcers noted that Tara was still wearing an elbow brace due to injury. Tara got a near fall with a power bomb.

[Q3] Tara went up top, but Mickie caught her. Eventually, Tara hit an Styles Clash-like move off the ropes and then locked in a Boston crab, but Mickie reached the ropes. Mickie came back a short time later with a DDT for the clean pin. Afterward, Madison walked onto the stage with her title belt and stared unhappily at the ring...

Powell's POV: A short match that told a simple story that Tara was sent to take out Mickie and failed. There was nothing complicated about it. No complaints. It was simple and accomplished what it needed to.

Backstage, Anderson took issue with Sting getting his title shot. Sting said the network just awarded him the match. Anderson wanted to know more about the network. Sting said there's no name behind the network. "It's just simply the network, Ken"... The announcers hyped the main event... [C]

The Pope torturing Okato from last week was replayed... Samoa Joe spoke with Okato, who apparently told him he wants the match with The Pope...

2. Okato beat D'Angelo Dinero by DQ in 2:20. Jeremy Borash introduced Okato by his usual name of Okada. The announcers corrected him. Okato, who bled from the mouth early, wore the hat and Lone Ranger mask even though Dinero exposed his face last week. Okato missed a missile dropkick early. Pope took control and roughed him up. Pope pulled Okato's head under the ring apron and hit him with knees and kicks while standing on the floor at ringside.

[Q4] Pope took his glove off to show that he was wearing rings. He punched Okato and then referee Jackson James called for the bell. Pope kept roughing up Okato afterward. When James pulled him off, Pope punched him and the crowd cheered. Samoa Joe hit the ring and Pope ran of... [C]

Powell's POV: Tenay said Joe and Pope will meet in a cage match at Lockdown. Here's hoping it's the end of the feud and somehow the end of the ridiculous Okato character. I have no idea why Pope would remove the glove and show off the rings when he could have just kept the glove on, cheated, and got the pin. Maybe he's in showboat mode, but don't wins and losses mean anything?

A Sting video aired. The video included footage of Hulk Hogan, Dixie Carter, Jeff Hardy, Kevin Nash, and others... A Kurt Angle video package aired regarding his cage match with Jeff Jarrett at Lockdown... The announcers hyped that Flair challenging Fortune was coming up next...

Powell's POV: Two well produced videos. I'm not sure if running them back-to-back was the best idea, but they were both well done. Check out one of the Before The Bell pay-per-view promotional videos sometime. Some of those features do a better job of hyping pay-per-views than the weeks of Impact that lead up to the various shows.

Backstage, Hulk Hogan told Rob Van Dam that he's not the same guy who invited him to TNA. He said Van Dam knows what he's been through.

[Q5] Hogan said Bischoff sees something in Anderson, but he thinks he's an asshole from head to toe. Hogan said he would have given RVD the match if it was up to him. "I'm in your corner, brother," Hogan said. RVD was suspicious. Hogan told him to think about it. After Van Dam left, Hogan laughed and said, "God, what an idiot"...

Ric Flair came to the ring with Bully Ray and Matt Hardy. Flair delivered some "I'm God" talk, and then Hardy spoke about how he and Ray changed the business forever. Matt said the people in power were telling them how great they were, but stabbing them in the back at the same time.

Hardy said they hold the knife now, but they will stab them straight ahead. Bully Ray took the mic and said he couldn't have said it any better himself. Ray asked if A.J. Styles was there. "Of course, you're not, A.J., because I sent a message to you last week, you little punk." He said he attacked Styles "because I can." Ray said he's been carrying a chip on his shoulder all these years and no one has knocked if off yet. Ray challenged Fortune to a four-on-three match at Lockdown.

Robert Roode, James Storm, and Kazarian walked onto the stage and then ran to the ring for a brawl. Fortune got the better of the brawl. Beer Money was about to hit their finisher on Flair when the lights turned red and Abyss hit the ring wearing new gear. Abyss laid out all three Fortune members and then his music played. The announcers assumed Abyss was the fourth guy that Ray mentioned... [C]

Powell's POV: It's hard to be excited about Abyss returning. He's had a layoff, but it would have taken a lot longer to make me forget how poorly he was booked. I never disliked his music, but hearing it now brings back some bad memories. Meanwhile, I dig the Fortune entrance music, and the group continues to have a cool feel. Hardy tied in his bitterness with WWE in nicely, but the bitching about WWE politics turning him cold blooded just isn't getting a reaction out of the fans. Give it up.

[Q6] Backstage, Abyss said Fortune thought they could take him out by burying Janice into his vertebrae. He said what doesn't kill him makes him stronger...

Powell's POV: A solid promo, but I just don't want to hear him talk. Too much damage has been done.

Hernandez came to the ring with Rosita, Sarita, and his new partner. Hernandez said his new buddy is the newest citizen of Mexican America. He said they are taking jobs, money, and are the superior race. "You can build all the fences you want, but you ain't keeping us out."

They lowered an American flag and then it was covered by a larger Mexican flag. The new guy sounded like a discount Eddie Guerrero while calling out Matt Morgan. For a street fight. Morgan came out with Devon, who accepted the street fight...

Powell's POV: Konnan and Homicide are rolling over in their graves and they're not even dead yet. Hernandez can't even lead a match let alone an entire faction.

3. Hernandez and Anarchia beat Matt Morgan and Devon in 3:35. New guy hit Devon from behind with a pair of brass knuckles and got the pin. Before that, Velvet Sky came out to brawl with Sarita for God knows what reason. Angelina Love walked out and looked like she was in a daze. Winter followed. Tenay said it looked like Winter had some type of control over Angelina...

Powell's POV: What a chatotic f'ing mess. It's not enough to introduce a new character. No, you have to bring out Velvet Sky to brawl with two other Knockouts at ringside and then have Angelina walk out to show off that Winter is doing some serious Papa Shango shit. Awful. Vince Russo chaotic bullshit at its worst.

[Q7] 4. Scott Steiner and Crimson beat Ink Inc. in 3:05. Crimson pinned Shannon Moore clean. Jesse Neal shook hands with the winners because he's a tool. Shannon Moore grabbed Steiner's head dress, wiped his ass with it, and threw it at Steiner, who got pissed. Neal wasn't happy and bickered with Moore on the stage. Two or three guys could be heard yelling "Steiner" in the crowd, which sounded totally bush league and should have been left on the editing room floor...

Powell's POV: I assume Jesse Neal's character listens to punk music given his look. I know there are plenty of anti-establishment punk songs, but did he find some weird shit where they sing about shaking hands and being pussies? I think we're supposed to dislike Moore, but at least his character is true to the look.

A video recapped the main event from last week... [C] Rob Van Dam and Mr. Anderson made their entrances for the main event. Tenay said we'll find out which man will face Sting at Lockdown. Sting made his entrance as the special enforcer...

[Q8] 5. Mr. Anderson fought Rob Van Dam to an apparent no-contest with Sting as special enforcer. There was an awkward spot with Anderson going for Rolling Thunder, but Anderson dropped down as he was doing the summersault. Taz said it was a nice counter. Shockingly, the referee was bumped, so Sting took over for him.

Anderson and RVD took the fight to ringside, where Anderson performed the Mic Check into the ring post. One female fan stood up and pleaded with RVD to get up. Meanwhile, Sting and Anderson bickered, as Anderson wanted Sting to count out RVD. Anderson and Sting ended up trading punches.

The announcers assumed that Anderson was disqualified for striking Sting. The fight continued until TNA security and the agents made their weekly appearance. They pulled away once or twice. Tenay said they would return after the break to give fans the answer of who won the match... [C]

Powell's POV: Congrats to referee Brian Hebner for taking the bump of the night. Seriously, that was impressive.

The announcers recapped the footage. They both agreed that it looked like Anderson was disqualified. Taz said he could see Anderson's point that RVD could have been counted out, but he felt Anderson should have been disqualified for the Mic Check...

Backstage, RVD was selling a head injury or he was really, really, really, really stoned. He didn't remember the match. The guy behind the camera told Van Dam that he's completely out of it...

In another part of the backstage area, Anderson threw a shit fit because he was disqualified. He told the camera man to ask Sting why he doesn't want to face him...

In the backstage area, Sting said he doesn't know who rang the bell. He said he doesn't know who rang the bell. He said Anderson hit him, so he hit him back. Anderson showed up and bitched. They fought again until the agents got more face time. "Who rang the bell?" Anderson asked. "The Wizard of Oz rang the frickin' bell"...


Powell's POV: Apparently, nobody won the match since referee Sting doesn't know who called for the bell. We're supposed to care because the winner gets the cage match with Sting at Lockdown, but I'm totally numb to these non-finishes with Anderson and Van Dam. It sure looks like they're setting up a three-way match given that Sting and RVD made peace recently and have no real issue heading into a cage match. Overall, more of the same from TNA. It works for some people, but it's chaotic and poorly booked in my opinion. I'll have more to say on Friday in the TNA Impact Hitlist.

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