By Chris Shore

TNA Impact on Spike TV
Taped in Orlando, Florida.

[Q1] The show opened with Sting's music and he came to the ring with two title belts. Sting said he had waited a long time to get this off his chest, so before Hogan's show started, he wanted Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff to come to the ring or he wouldn't let the show start.

He handed Hogan the Jeff Hardy belt and said that was all that was left of Hardy and he could do with it whatever he wanted. Hogan tossed it out of the ring. Sting said he wanted to know what it was like to destroy a man.

He said when he stood across from Jeff two weeks ago he knew he wasn't the same man that he was when he got here. He said Hardy was responsible for his own actions, but he was twisted by Hogan and Bischoff and they were also responsible.

Hogan buried Hardy and said Immortal didn't let Hardy down, Hardy didn't let Immortal down. He said on his best day, Jeff couldn't stand being in the Immortal Hulk Hogan's shadow. He said that was Jeff's ultimate problem.

Hogan said Sting needed to worry about saving his own ass. He said he had main eventers all over the country calling him, wanting to face Sting. He said everybody was replaceable, including Sting. He told him to put that in his Stinger pipe and smoke it.

Sting asked were everybody was if Hogan had so many people calling because all he saw was Hogan and Bischoff and a couple of punks. Bully Ray's music hit and he came to the ring. He said he was calling Hogan. He said he's been waiting this for all his life.

Ray kept putting over Hogan and calling Sting a sidekick. He said Sting was jealous because he could never escape Hogan's shadow. He said it would be an honor to join Immortal, and his first point of business would be to kick the crap out of Sting and take the title. Hogan started to answer Ray when Fortune's music hit and they headed towards the ring…[C]

Shore's Slant: I cannot, CANNOT listen to everyone fellate Hogan on this show all night. I won't make it. Interesting how they are throwing Hardy under the bus here. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but still. Interested to see Matt for the first time and see how he sells it.

[Q2] AJ said the members of Fortune had Sting's back 100 percent. Styles asked Bully what he wanted to do when he got in the business. He said Ray wanted to be a singles star but that didn’t happen. He said Devon came along and carried the load and Ray just couldn't cut it on his own.

Ray said he wanted to slap the silver spoon out of AJs mouth. He said Dixie had been wiping his ass for eight years and he was shocked she wasn't still breast feeding him. He said he wanted to continue to talk to Hogan about his title shot. AJ asked Ray if he wanted a title shot. He said he had one for him and slapped him in the face.

Ray squared up and Hogan prevented the fight as Ken Anderson's music hit. He came to the ring and yelled about his rematch. Hogan said Anderson was an asshole and was out because he couldn't beat Rob Van Dam at Victory Road. Anderson said RVD couldn't beat him either so it was Hogan's call. He called Hogan "Terrance" and they squared off.

Bischoff broke it up and said since everybody wanted a shot they would have a fourway tonight with Styles, Ray. Anderson and RVD with the winner facing Sting at Lockdown. Anderson said they couldn't do that. Hogan said they could and they just did…Kurt Angle was shown backstage with a big present. He said it was for Karen and Jeff and that it was a big surprise…[C]

Shore's Slant: Twenty-three minutes and not a second of wrestling. Awesome. I'm not entirely excited about the match because you know it's going to be a cluster, but maybe they'll prove me wrong. Anderson was way over the top and a little too silly, but other than that this was a good, if very long, opening set of promos.

Back from commercial, AJ walked up to RVD and asked him to watch his back and he would do the same. RVD said he was going to go out and win the match on his own and go on to win his title back. He walked off and said, "Good talk AJ." AJ said, "If that's the way you want it…

1. Madison Rayne (w/Tara) squashed Alyssa Flash at 0:17. Rayne attacked Flash on the ramp and then dragged her to the ring. She rolled her in and hit her finisher for the win.

[Q3] Mickie James ran out and everyone cleared the ring. Mickie challenged Madison for the title and Rayne said not unless Mickie made it worth her while. Mickie asked what she wanted and Madison said Mickie's hair. Mickie agreed and they booked the match for Lockdown…Backstage, Pope was talking to three people and walked them through being "healed" by him tonight…[C]

Shore's Slant: Um, can we go back to the talking if that's the wrestling we are going to get? Does anyone really think Mickie James is going to shave her head? No one? Yeah, me neither. So much for suspense. Oh, and thanks for coming Alyssa.

Backstage, Anderson was screaming at Hogan. He wanted to know why he had to wrestle for a title match he already owned. They argued for a moment and then Hogan said he ran this place and Anderson could continue doing things the hard way or his way. Anderson chased the camera man off and slammed the door…

D'Angelo Dinero came to the ring where his ringers were waiting for him. Pope said he was going to perform miracles just like Jesus Christ. Ugh. He said he was going to heal all three of these people. He punked the "blind" guy and then spit in his hands and wiped them on his face. The guy said he could see. He healed the "lame" guy by slapping him on the forehead and that guy danced.

He went to the fat girl and said he had to lay his hands on her. He grabbed her fat rolls and shook her and then said even Jesus couldn't help her. She cried and Samoa Joe and his sidekick ran out. Pope shoved the blind guy at Joe and grabbed the sidekick (I forget his name, who cares?).

Pope pulled a knife and held it to the sidekick's throat. He backed up the ramp and then beat the sidekick up. He showed Joe that it was a plastic knife by stabbing it into his own neck and left…

Shore's Slant: Ladies and gentlemen, this is what's called "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." That was the worst segment I have seen on a wrestling show in a long time. Wow. Just wow.

[Q4][C] A video recapped the Joe and Pope segment. Backstage, Pope had Okato tied up and was beating him with a walking stick. He pulled the mask off and then slapped him around some more. He continued to beat him with the stick until Joe ran him off…

RVD confronted Anderson about being in the bed with Immortal considering how much he wanted the title shot. Anderson said RVD might be considering the way he blew off AJ. They argued and RVD stormed off…[C]

Shore's Slant: I hope Jason Powell has the worst hangover in the history of drinking tomorrow. This shit is terrible. A grand total of 17 seconds of wrestling in the first hour. And that was the knockouts so it doesn't even count. Why even have a ring? Exactly how did Joe lose Okato when he knew Pope had a PLASTIC KNIFE?

[Q5] Backstage, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky were talking about their street fight. Winter walked up and said Love was teaming with her, not Sky. Sky argued and tried to talk to Love. Love didn't say anything but walked off with Winter…

The Jarretts made their ring entrance and Jeff said the ultra-male had something to say. He said he had nothing left to prove. He said he has beaten, embarrassed and humiliated Kurt Angle. He said there wasn't a shred of dignity left in the man. He said he couldn't continue to do this to the kid's "second father."

He said he wanted to call a truce with Angle. He said they have to co-exist for "my kids." He said if Kurt could just come out and beg for forgiveness they can all just move on. Angle came out with his big present and the Jarretts sold it as being excited.

Jeff asked if the present was for him. Kurt said first things first and said Jeff was the better man. He said Jeff was the man and father he could never be. He said he brought a gift as a peace offering so they could co-exist and move on with their lives.

Jarrett asked if he was being sincere and Kurt asked if he looked sincere. Jarrett opened the box and it was a guitar with an American flag on it. They hugged, and then Angle gave him the El Kabong with the guitar. Karen tried to hit him in the nuts, and Angle laughed. He pulled a cup out and Karen hid in the corner.

He challenged Jeff to a match at Lockout as Jeff bled all over the place. He said if Jeff said no, he would hunt them both down and make their lives miserable. He said if Jeff tried to go to Hogan and Bischoff to get it change, he would hunt them down. Jeff agreed to the match and Kurt screamed his "damn true" line in Karen's face…

Backstage, Bischoff was talking to Gunner, Murphy and Balco…er, Rob Terry. He put over Abyss being unable to defend the TV title because of the sacrifice he made for Immortal. He said the three of them would face each other for the title and they had to leave it in the ring tonight…[C]

Shore's Slant: I tried to keep an open mind about that segment, but all I want to do when I see Angle is scream at the television. I just want this story over so I don't have to listen to these people talk about their kids on TV anymore.

Backstage, Karen was on the phone calling for the police while Jeff cleaned his head up. Karen said they pushed Kurt too far. Jeff said he had been pushed too far…The voice over guy hyped the TV title match…

[Q6] 2. Gunner defeated Murphy and Rob Terry for the Television Championship at 1:45. Gunner and Murphy entered together but showed immediate tension. Gunner attacked Terry before the bell and he and Murphy worked him over. Gunner clotheslined Murphy and a picture in picture showed police showing up to the Impact Zone. Gunner hit a spear on Terry and then a F5 on Murphy for the win. Post-match Bischoff walked out and applauded…

Backstage, Styles cut a promo on trying to watch out for RVD's safety but he wasn't interested. He said he wanted to be a number one contender so if he had to beat three other guys, that was fine. Ric Flair walked up and said Styles had to worry about more than just three guys. He started to say more, but AJ knocked him out and said, "That felt good," before walking off…

Shore's Slant: Congratulations to hometown boy Phil Shatter on his first major title. Of the three guys, he can work, so it was the best move. And according to the scoreboard we are at 87 minutes of show, 2:02 of actual wrestling. Remind me not to bitch about how little we get on WWE TV.

Backstage, Karen and Jeff flipped out in front of the police and Karen demanded Kurt be arrested. The police and Karen walked off and Jeff said he knew what he needed to do…

Hernandez, Sarita and Rosita made their ring entrance and Hernandez said welcome to Mexican-American and said this was now their land. Morgan and company made their entrance and hit the ring…

3. Matt Morgan, Angelina Love and Winter defeated Hernandez, Sarita and Rosita in a Street Fight at 1:20. The women fought on the outside as the men fought in the ring. Morgan hit the discus clothesline and setup for the Carbon footprint. Sarita and Rosita jumped on Morgan's back and he shrugged them off. Winter climbed in the ring and hit a backbreaker on Rosita for the win.

Post-match, the fan that ran in at the PPV match ran into the ring and attacked Morgan. He and Hernandez beat Morgan down and then turned on the women. Morgan made his feet and hulked up. The Mexican-Americans shoved the women in front of Morgan and fled…

Shore's Slant: Who watches this and thinks it's good? This is the worst show I can remember. Seriously, what was the point of that match? What did it do? Did it move any story forward? Sure, there's a new guy, but did it move a story forward? If it didn't, then it's a waste of time.

[Q7][C] A video recapped the Anderson vs. RVD match at Victory Road. The ring entrances took place for the fourway match…

4. AJ Styles, Rob Van Dam, Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson fought to some unknown decision when RVD and Anderson seemingly pinned each other at 5:54. They paired of quickly with RVD vs. Anderson and Ray vs. Styles. Styles hit a standing hurricanranna on Ray, but Ray slammed Styles on a monkey flip attempt. Ray clotheslined Anderson over the top and he and RVD squared off as Taz sold their history.

RVD scored a kick and hit rolling thunder for a pin attempt. Anderson pulled him to the floor and clotheslined him. Ray ended up beating up the other three guys in different corners. RVD took out everyone, but missed the frog splash.

Styles hit a sick cross body from across the ring on Ray for two. Everybody had rapid fire pinfall attempts. AJ and Ray spilled to the floor and Ray grabbed a chair. Earl Hebner snatched it away and tossed it down in the ring. Ray and Styles fought at ringside. Anderson grabbed RVD and hit a backsuplex on the chair. Hebner counted the pin, but no one was sure who won.

Hebner looked confused for a moment and then called Borash over. He leaned out to give the decision and Ray knocked him out. He kicked Borash and attacked AJ. AJ fought back and they battled back towards the ramp. AJ hit Ray with a bunch of things on a table and then they climbed to the stage.

[Q8] AJ took a chair and started to hit Ray, but Flair came out and hit the low blow and then pick AJ up by his nuts. He and Ray beat up AJ and then teased hitting him with a chair. Instead, Ray hit a sitdown powerbomb on the table AJ had cleared off below the stage. Refs ran out and checked on both men. The ref checking on Styles flashed the X signal and everyone ran out to check…[C]

Shore's Slant: GREAT match that had an equally horrible ending. Wow, what a let down on a fantastic match. The post-match fight/beatdown was very well done. We haven't heard anything about Styles, so I don't expect the X to mean what it usually means.

Back from commercial, Fortune was out as the paramedics collared and boarded Styles. Ray was screaming that he hoped Styles never wrestled again while being held back by agents and refs. A video showed the bump several times from every possible camera angle. They went the whole nine yards with strapping AJ down and showed several concerned fans, including Brooke Hogan. They even put the heart monitor on!

They wheeled him out to the ambulance and Fortune sold being upset. Beer Money climbed in the ambulance as the camera man followed Kazarian to the car. They tried to get a comment from him but he blew them off and got in his car to go to the hospital…

Shore's Slant: Fantastic ending of what was otherwise a terrible show. After seeing Beer Money in the back of the wagon I can assure you the whole thing is a work. That's a big no-no if it was legit. So take heart Styles fans. They went a little far with all the work, but I appreciate the realism of it. Ray was utterly believable and intense at the end, and Fortune played it perfectly as well. Somebody will have more to say tomorrow on the hitlist. Thanks for reading along tonight.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com with whatever is on your mind.

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