By Chris Shore

TNA Impact on Spike TV
Taped in Orlando, Florida.

[Q1] A video mixed recaps of Scott Steiner's return and Jeff Hardy's quest for the title mixed in with comments from Beer Money, Jeff Hardy, and Dixie Carter. This episode is titled, "Expect the Unexpected." The show opened cold with Immortal and Fortune in the ring. Eric Bischoff called out Scott Steiner and Steiner made his ring entrance…

Bischoff said they had history, but he was about business and he was going to set their history aside for business. He said Dixie got a continuance so Hogan wouldn't be there tonight. He said there was no "They" coming. He said he told Nash to go get his big payday. He said Sting was never coming back and who cared about Booker. He said Steiner was all alone so he should join Immortal.

Steiner asked if that was his only choice. Bischoff said that or Steiner could get his ass kicked. Steiner said he had another choice, he could put his foot in Bischoff's ass. He said Bischoff was a piece of shit and he should call him, "yes sir, no sir" or he would snap his pencil neck. Kurt Angle's music hit and he and Crimson came to the ramp. He said Bischoff really was a piece of shit. Steiner joined them as Kurt told Bischoff they were already here. He said it was real, damn real…[C]

Shore's Slant: Good open to the show. They are obviously not the Main Event Mafia, so I am interested to see how they were able to scramble for this story. It's going to have some rough spots, but we'll see how they do. And is there anything more "train wreck" entertaining that Scott Steiner with a live mic?

Backstage, Jeff Hardy asked about Hogan and his title shot. Bischoff said he couldn't control the judge, but they would make sure Hardy got his title back. Angle and company walked up and they argued until security broke them up…

[Q2] 1. Ink Inc. defeated Gunner and Murphy at 3:26. Ink Inc. were already in the ring and Gunner and Murphy made their entrance. They attacked Ink Inc. and drove Moore to the floor and worked on Neal. Moore got the hot tag and all four men battled. Murphy kicked Gunner by mistake and Ink Inc. hit their finisher on Murphy for the win…

Backstage, Angle and company talked. Angle's phone rang and he asked the person on the phone if they were still on. He hung up and they walked off discussing the plan for later…The announce team hyped the TNA title match and an interview with Karen and Jeff Jarrett…[C]

Shore's Slant: Standard TNA quick match. Not much to talk about. Neither particularly good or bad, just meh. So far, so good with the "They" story. Oh, and the Karen Jarrett things looks incredibly uncomfortable.

Back from commercial, Christie Hemme reported "from Texas" where she said the judge had continued the case until March 3…Eric Young ran up and cut a rambling crazy promo about Angle being a cyborg and knowing who "They" was and then ran off, or something. I was confused…

A video showed the Jarretts at home with the kids. Karen said, "I was with Kurt for 12 years, but I was alone. Now I have someone who loves me and is a good father to my kids." Wow. The kids looked at picture and said something about "Aunt Dixie." Jeff chewed them out and made the kids say they were sorry for saying her name…Mr. Anderson said he was coming to the ring at the top of the hour alone and challenged Jeff to do the same…[C]

Shore's Slant: OK, I'm not going to give my true thoughts on the Jarrett segment and dragging their kids into it because I like my job and I promise you Jason would fire me if I gave my full opinion. Tasteless, classless, and stupid. And those were the best parts.

[Q3] Back from commercial, Bully Ray and The Black Pope were in the ring. Ray cut a promo on Devon, calling him his sidekick and co-star and said it was nice to have a partner he could count on. He put over Pope as better than Devon as the crowd chanted for Devon.

Pope said Devon was an afterthought and said that Samoa Joe had sealed his fate by getting management to setup a match for Against All Odds. He said they could have talked it out like men, but since he wanted to settle it in the ring, Pope would not take it easy on him.

Devon and Samoa Joe ran out and Ray took out Devon. Joe chase Pope from the ring and Pope backed up the ramp. He turned and saw Joe's camera man (whatever his name is) blocking his way. He ran to the back another way and Joe gave chase.

In the ring, Ray had been choking Devon with a chain. He setup to hit him with it, but Devon clotheslined him. They spilled to the floor and fought, with Devon getting the best, until officials broke it up. Ray grabbed a cup and drank some of the liquid. He tossed the rest in the face of a young guy and spit what was in his mouth on another. Turns out those were Devon's boys…[C]

Shore's Slant: Um…OK. I don't even know what to say about all this. It was terrible, of that there is no doubt. And more kids were involved for no reason. Oh wait, now I know what to say. This shit is terrible!

[Q4] 2. Jeremy Buck defeated Douglas Williams and Jay Lethal in a three-way X Division contender's series match at 4:46. Max Buck joined the announce team as the match started immediately. Everybody no sold moves until a triple spot in the corner and Jeremy rolled to the floor. Max checked on him until Williams hit his finisher on Lethal. Max distracted the ref and Jeremy kicked Williams away and scored the pin…

Backstage, Bischoff was on the phone still looking for Flair. Kazarian told Bischoff to quit worrying because there was no "They." He said even if there was, "They" would have to be an army to defeat Immortal. Everyone walked off and Bischoff stopped Styles. He told him not to screw it up and Styles said Fortune would never take a back seat again. He said, "We have this under control." Bischoff relaxed a little…[C]

Shore's Slant: Chaotic match that was surprisingly boring. The backstage stuff was pretty good though. How messed up is it that the best part of Impact so far has been the part they had to book on the fly?

Sarita said she had no strategy for her taped fist match with Mickie because she was going to knock her out quickly. She said her sister Rosita would debut next week…A video package hyped Hardy vs. Anderson with documentary style clips of interviews from when they were in Europe.

[Q5] Mr. Anderson made his ring entrance. He called out Jeff Hardy who came to the ring alone. Anderson said when they were kids they both had a dream to hold the belt. He punked the belt as ugly and said they were both told they couldn't do it and that neither liked authority figures.

Anderson said there always other stuff going on when they locked up. He said Angle told him he had his back, but he would rather tell Angle to stay away because he and Jeff were going to do it with no outside interference. Hardy said if Anderson thought he needed Immortal to beat him he was wrong. He said tonight they would dedicate the match to their fans and he would regain what was his. They shook hands and Hardy left…

Backstage, Mickie James was taping her hands. She said she had never been in a taped fist fight but she had been in several bar fights and they always ended ugly, like it would for Sarita…[C]

Shore's Slant: Pretty good exchange between Hardy and Anderson. Hardy is really working well as a heel. Anderson tries too hard, but he's always fair to very good on the mic. The logic is stupid in trusting Hardy, but hey, that's wrestling. And why in the blue hell are the women having a taped fist fight? Are you going to put glass on their hands next week and recreate the finish to Bloodsport?

More horseshit from the Jarretts with the kids and Karen praying over dinner by saying how great Jeff is. I quit listening after that because I was insulted, but I think he said something about the kids needing to show some talent…

[Q6] 3. Mickie James defeated Sarita in a taped fist match at 6:02. It's a taped fist match, so Mickie started with a snap mare and dropkick. Sarita ducked several shots until she made Mickie punch the post. Sarita worked the hand, weakly, and teased hitting her but never did. Mickie hit a left hook out of nowhere to win the match. Post-match, Madison Rayne came out of the crowd and knocked out Mickie with the loaded glove...

Backstage Jeff Hardy said the reason he wasn't the champ was Eric Bischoff's fault. He said he didn't want Immortal anywhere near the ring tonight. Bischoff agreed…[C]

Shore's Slant: That match was terrible on top of terrible. They blew a ton of spots, Sarita looks like an idiot for never punching Mickie despite having seven thousand chances, and the ending was botchtastic. Thirty minutes left. I think I can make it.

[Q7] The Jarretts were shown again with some of the kids dancing. They sent the kids to bed and then the video cut to them talking outside. Jarrett talked about their wedding and he got on one knee. He said he wanted to renew their vows on Impact for the whole world to see…

Mr. Anderson started to do his mic shtick on the ramp, but Hardy attacked from behind. They battled to the ring and fought on the floor and refs ran out to break it up…[C]

Shore's Slant: As a child of several divorces and remarriages I find the whole storyline disgusting. As the father of two adoptive kids, I find the use of the kids in the first (though not so much the last two) segments beyond forgiveness. As a wrestling fan, I find the whole show like an icepick in the brain. This shit is TERRIBLE!

4. Mr. Anderson defeated Jeff Hardy to retain the TNA Championship at 12:11. The bell rang immediately back from commercial and Hardy ended up with control first. He hit a big clothesline and flipped off the crowd. Tenay called this a PV quality match a whopping five minutes in.

[Q8] The fight spilled to the floor and Hardy slammed Anderedson's head on the stairs and rolled him in the ring for two. Hardy hit a Whisper in the Wind and the announce team sold it as a great move but not a finisher of any type. Both men sold the move and then stood and traded blows until Anderson took control and hit a string of offense.

Anderson tried for a mic check but Hardy blocked. Anderson hit a kick to the head for two and setup for a sulex. Hardy reversed into a front suplex for a nearfall. Hardy tried for a Twist of Hate and Anderson shoved him into the ref. He hit the move then and covered, but there was no ref.

Immortal ran out and Matt Hardy, Gunner, Murphy and Rob Terry all hit the ring and hit moves on Anderson. Styles, Beer Money, and Kazarian all entered the ring as well. Hardy held up Anderson for Styles. Styles started to hit him and stopped. He gave the fortune hand signal and Fortune cleared the ring of Immortal.

Robert Roode hit a big clothesline on Hardy and Styles followed with a Styles Clash. Anderson covered and Fortune rolled the ref in the ring for the pinfall victory. Post-match, Matt Hardy went ape shit while Styles handed Anderson the title…[C]

Shore's Slant: OK, that match was far from PPV quality, sorry Tenay. The match was actually pretty bad as a whole. The end was actually very well done. Again, the best part of the show has been the stuff that was booked on the fly.

Styles cut a promo and said he told Bischoff Fortune would never take a back seat again. He said they were "Them" and there was no one else. Bischoff came out and called Styles an ungrateful SOB.

[Overrun] They argued back and forth and Styles said Bischoff ran a million dollar company out of business. Bischoff said they were all nothing until he and Hogan got there. Bischoff said on March 3, Hogan would regain control of the company and Bischoff would ensure they were all destroyed.

Styles said that would be hard to do when Fortune took Immortal out one at a time. Styles closed by saying he would stick his foot so far down Bischoff's throat he would be pissing shoelaces…

Shore's Slant: Wow, I'm really impressed with AJ there. When he gets worked up he tends to come off the rails, but that was significantly intense and in control at the same time. My only real complaint about it was Anderson doesn't look very good because he was lost in the shuffle. Jason will be along tomorrow with the hitlist, but I feel a blog coming as well. Thanks for following along with me tonight.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com with whatever is on your mind.

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