7/29 Shore's TNA Impact Live Coverage: The Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money continue their series in a cage, Orlando Jordan and Eric Young vs. Ink Inc, and Tommy Dreamer vs. Abyss in a hardcore match


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TNA TV Reports


7/29 Shore's TNA Impact Live Coverage: The Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money continue their series in a cage, Orlando Jordan and Eric Young vs. Ink Inc, and Tommy Dreamer vs. Abyss in a hardcore match
Jul 29, 2010 - 08:00 PM


By Chris Shore

TNA Impact on Spike TV
Taped at Universal Studios in Orlando, Fla.


Shore’s Slant: Do not attempt to adjust your Interwebs. The boss needed the night off, and there's a Twilight convention in San Diego where Twilling is showing off his new Team Edward gear. He's so dreamy. Much love to Marvin F. Hermanstyne for clearing me of Superstars so I can be with you and TNA tonight.

[Q1] Tommy Dreamer and the ECW crew were in the ring to start as Mike Tenay welcomed us to Impact. Dreamer said this was the loudest he had ever seen the Impact zone. He said to solve a legal issue, they would now be known as EV 2.0. He welcomed Brother Devon, and asked him what was up with Brother Ray. Devon took the mic and said, “Bubba, come on out here.” Ray came out tot he ramp and Devon cut a promo on EV 2.0 being family. He said all their differences should be put aside for the group. He asked Ray if he was in or out. Ray turned around and walked away.

Dreamer grabbed the mic and tried to talk “Bubba” into it. Mick Foley took the mic, and said Hardcore Justice would be great without him, but better with him. He said if Ray missed the show, it would be the one thing he regreted in his career. Tazz stood up at the announce table and told “Bubba” to “...just do it, man.” Ray got in the ring and took a mic. He told Devon to answer one question, “Are we going to set someone on fire?” Ray said he was in and he hugged Devon and shook hands with everyone.

Hogan's music hit and he came to the ring. Hogan said what they were doing was cool, and he thanked them for doing it in TNA. He said had he known earlier, he would have had some more surprises for them. He said he understood hardcore, but these guys would take it to a different level. He repeated Dixie's line about ECW being to the 90s what Hogan was to the 80s. He said he and Bischoff had a surprise for everyone, and Eric would be out later to announce it.

Abyss's music hit and he came to the ramp. He said he hated to interrupt, but “they” were down right pissed off. He said “they” didn't want this to happen, and “they” hold one person responsible, Dixie Carter. They showed the back of Dixie's head. Hogan said he didn't care what “they” said, Dreamer was a guest tonight and nothing would happen until the PPV. Abyss said “they” had given him specific orders to take out Tommy Dreamer. Hogan repeated what he said, and Dreamer interrupted. He said if it was OK with Hogan and Dixie, he would love to fight Abyss. Hogan and Dixie nodded, so Dreamer said they had a match...

Shore’s Slant: That was a long open, but it wasn't bad. I hate all the ECW fellatio we will get between now and Hardcore Justice, but it was what I expected. The Ray thing was too long, and Hogan was disconnected, but for a rambling TNA segment it held together nicely. I can't imagine Abyss vs. Dreamer will be a classic, but it ought to be interesting to watch. And hey, no Dudebusters, right?

[Q2][C] The Beautiful People were backstage arguing. Madison Rayne said they shouldn't ruin what they had when they were BFFs. Velvet Sky got in her face and said the reason things were screwed up were because of Madison. They argued for a while and then all three hugged and made up...

Sarita was already in the ring. Angelina Love made her ring entrance...

1. Angelina Love defeated Sarita to become the number one contender. Love hit a couple of quick roll ups to start. Sarita tried to leave, and Love grabbed her tights. Sarita hit a drop toe hold and took control. Sarita hit a back flip suplex for two. She went for another, but Love flipped out and hit a spear. She hit a back elbow, a spinning heel kick, and a flying clothesline. She followed with the Botox Injection for the win...

Backstage, Orlando Jordan and Eric Young were talking. Young was running around with a bucket on his head. He kept saying strange things, and Jordan kept asking him if he was on something or retarded. Young said he was messed up, but he had a plan: he had backup. He babbled on and left, leaving Jordan shaking his head...

Shore’s Slant: A shitty women's match? Yup, it's still a Thursday. And how bad has it gotten when OJ is the “normal” one in a segment? I'm thinking I should have stayed with Superstars, at least it's over in an hour.

[Q3][C] A video recapped Eric Young's head injury and personality change from two weeks ago...Ink Inc. was already in the ring. Jordan and Young were introduced together. Jordan cam out alone with a piece of gum. He chewed it, and then stuffed it in So Cal Val's mouth. Yum. Eric Young finally came out with a mannequin. What the fu...

2. Ink Inc. defeated Orlando Jordan and Eric Young at 2:44. Jordan and Neal started. Jordan worked strikes on Neal and just punked him all over the ring. He hit a neckbreaker, and mounted Neal for punches. Young played with the mannequin as Jordan covered. Moore made the save, and Neal hit a chin buster on Jordan. Both men made hit tags, and Young threw the mannequin at Moore from the top rope. He and Jordan argued, and Ink Inc hit a double drop kick on Jordan, driving him into Young. They followed with the Fourgasm for the win. Post match, Young checked on the broken mannequin and gave the “X” symbol, indicating a serious injury...on the mannequin...[C]

Shore’s Slant: I have no idea what to say. I really don't I don't even know where to begin. Just...wow.

Ric Flair and Fourtune were in the ring. Flair told Jay Lethal that everybody knew he was a wrestling god, and genius. He said every contract he signs has a rematch clause, and next week they would face off in a Street Fight. He welcomed Beer Money to Fourtune, and put them over.

[Q4] Roode took the mic and said thank you, and they knew it was just a matter of time before they joined Fourtune because they were the best. He said after they beat MCM tonight, they would be four time champions. Flair introduced AJ Styles as the new Global Champion. Kazarian took the mic first and put over the group. Styles took the mic and said they were the best because Flair deserves the best. He announced that starting next week, the title would now be the TV Title. He said his first defense would be against Rob Terry if he can beat Kazarian tonight.

Flair took the mic back and invited the women back to the hotel. He did his “learn to love it” but and wooed as his music played. Kurt Angle's music hit, and he rose to the ramp. Angle said he was glad that AJ was going to honor the title, but he had to honor his commitment to climb to the top. He said that meant Styles was next. He did his, “it's real” bit and his music played into the break...[C]

Shore’s Slant: The TV title? Seriously? The Four Horsemen, ECW, and a %^#*) Television Title? This shit is terrible. And I can't even begin to explain how much my heart hurts to see Flair look like he does while doing the stuff that made me a fan all those many years ago. It's just sad.

Beer Money was already in the cage. The Motor City Machine Guns music hit. Beer Money waited for them, but MCM came out of the crowd and climbed into the cage. They climbed down to the ropes and hit cross bodies on Beer Money to start the match...

3. The Motor City Machine Guns defeated Beer Money in a cage match at 8:18. Beer Money leads the best of five series 2-1. The Guns destroyed The Beer Money with various attacks. Shelly hit a dropkick on the back of Roode, driving him into the cage and busting him open. Storm and Shelly officially started the tag part of the match. Storm beat on Shelly for three minutes...and then all hell broke lose.

[Q5] The teams hit rapid fire move after move on each other, I couldn't keep up. Beer Money tried to climb out of the cage, but Shelly swept the legs of Roode, and then hit a chin buster from the top rope on Storm. Sabin went to the top of the cage and hit a flying crossbody on both Roode and Storm. Storm tried to hit Shelly with a beer bottle, but he moved and knocked Roode out. Shelly grabbed him and they hit a neckbreaker/flying splash combo on Storm for the win...[C]

Shore’s Slant: Wow. I'm breathless after that. That may have been the best tag team match I have seen in a year. Granted I watch a lot of WWE, but still. That was crazy. I had no chance to keep up, so my only advice is to find it online.

Mr. Anderson's music hit, but Mike Morgan came out instead. He got in the ring and reached for the mic. The mic didn't want to come down, and Morgan yelled at it. It came down part of the way, and Morgan jumped up to get it. He introduced himself doing Anderson's gimmick. Anderson's music hit again, and he came to the ramp. He called for the mic and it came right down. He did it again to prove how easy it was, and then came to the ring.

[Q6] Morgan told him to calm down, and then asked him if he found it ironic that the steel mic left him in a pool of his own blood. He taunted Anderson, and dared him to punch him in the face. Morgan closed his eyes and begged Anderson to do it. Anderson dropped to his knees and hit Morgan in the nuts. He pounded on Morgan and then talked junk. Morgan grabbed him and beat on Anderson. He then choked Anderson with the mic and Vince McMahon immediately fired Morgan. Jeff Hardy ran out for the save, and he and Anderson beat on Morgan until Security broke it up. Security really beat on Hardy and Anderson until Di-Lo, Al Snow, and another agent (I never saw his face) ran out and chewed Security...[C]

Shore’s Slant: Morgan and Anderson were very good here. Well, I hate Anderson's gimmick, but it played out OK here. But after Hardy hit the ring it all fell apart. The security guys and the agents having a face off was the strangest thing I've seen in a while. Good open, terrible close. TNA is so all over the map it's not even funny.

A video recapped what had just happened with Anderson, Hardy, and security. Backstage, Christy Hemme interviewed Anderson and Hardy. She asked what happened and Anderson said the security guys had been trying to break into the business, and now they had their chance against them. He told them to bring Morgan...

Kazarian and Styles made their ring entrance. Rob Terry was out next. The ref sent AJ to the back, and Kazarian hit a drop kick on the back of Terry's head...

4. Rob Terry squashed Kazarian at 0:22. That was all the offense. Terry no sold the next few kicks and hit the Freakbuster for the win...The announce team hyped Eric Bischoff for next...[C]

Shore’s Slant: It took me longer to type the action than it took to do. Terrible, but that's what you get when you have an over juiced guy in the ring.

[Q7] Morgan, Murphy, and Gunner (the security) guys were in the ring. Anderson and Hardy were out next...

5. Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson defeated Matt Morgan, Murphy, and Gunner at 4:05. Hardy and Murphy started, but Morgan tagged himself in before any action. Anderson did the same, and then Morgan tagged Murphy back in. Murphy tagged Gunner, and he and Anderson finally locked up. One minute and 12 seconds is what it took. Gunner hooked a front face lock and tagged in Murphy. He worked Anderson in the corner with driving shoulders. Anderson moved and Murphy hit the post.

Anderson tagged in Hardy and they whipped Murphy to the corner. Hardy went for a springboard, but Murphy clotheslined him out of the air. In the end, Morgan left, and Anderson hit the Mic Check, followed by a Hardy Swanton for the win...

Backstage, Hemme chased down Hogan and asked him about Bischoff's announcement. Hogan said Bischoff would lay it all out tonight, and he would have more to say next week because he had to leave for a meeting in NY...Bischoff and Ms. Tessmacher were in the ring. He pulled a pen out of Ms. Tessmacher's cleavage and said everyone should write this down. He said the day was August 12th, and after putting Dixie Carter over like he was sleeping with her, he said they would have a PPV quality show. He started to announce the main event and Abyss's music hit.

He came to the ring and said “they” wanted him to be in the main event against Rob Van Dam in a ladder match with Janice hanging above the ring. He terrorized Bischoff until he agreed to book the match. He started to leave, but then said Janice wanted revenge for Bischoff slapping Abyss. RVD ran out and saved Bischoff. He drove Abyss to the floor, but missed a plancha and hit the rail. Abyss stalked Dixie Carter, and the agents ran out to save RVD.

[Q8] Al Snow got in the ring and retrieved Janice. Dreamer's music hit and he made his entrance. Snow handed him Janice, and Dreamer looked at it as Abyss looked worried...[C]

Shore’s Slant: I forget how oddly spaced TNA is when I'm not covering it. I usually just watch for news and whatnot, but when I cover I realize how strangely everything is done. That said, I don't know much more about the ladder match because we moved on to the Dreamer match. I don't know if it is a standard ladder match or what, but we'll keep you updated.

6. Abyss defeated Tommy Dreamer in a hardcore match in 8:00. The match was joined in progress as Dreamer tossed trashcans full of stuff into the ring. He hit Abyss with a trashcan lid, but Abyss came back and dropped Dreamer's nuts on the rail. They rolled back in the ring, and Dreamer hit Abyss with a garbage can. Abyss came back and hit a sidewalk slam on the trashcan for two. Dreamer came back and hit a splash for two. Abyss drove Dreamer face first into a chair he had setup in the corner. Abyss went to the top, but Dreamer swept the legs and tied Abyss to the Tree of Woe.

He hit Abyss in the nuts with the Kendo stick, and then pulled the barbed wire board from under the ring. Both men tried to use it, but Abyss finally hit a clothesline to the mat and got Janice. Tommy ducked the blow and hooked a school boy for two. Dreamer set Janice in the corner and whipped Abyss. Abyss stopped before hitting it, and Dreamer charged with a trashcan. Abyss punched it into Dreamer, and hit a chokeslam on the barbed wire for the win. Postmatch, Abyss picked up Janice and squared to Dreamer. Raven ran out with a chair, and hit Dreamer with it. He hit the Even Flow DDT on the chair, and then asked Dreamer how he liked it while licking him to end the show...

Shore’s Slant: Well, I can tell I covered TNA because I'm exhausted. The match was a typical weapon spot match that goes for hardcore these days. Nothing special either way. The Raven thing was obvious as soon as he came out, but aside from the licking (WTF?), I am interested to see how this one plays out. I'll post the names of the wrestlers who are confirmed for Hardcore Justice in just a minute, and I'll have more to say about this show tomorrow on the hitlist. Thanks for reading and I'll see you then.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com with whatever is on your mind.

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