By Chris Shore
Aired Live on PPV in Cincinnati, Ohio
An opening video hyped the danger of a cage match filled with numerous shots of bloody matches in the past. The video changed to hype for the Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett match, the Fortune vs. Immortal match, and the Sting vs. Mr. Anderson vs. RVD title match…
Shore's Slant: Solid opening video. As much as I have hated the Angle vs. Jarrett story, they really cut that up and made the story sound decent…except for the kids.
1. Max Buck won an Eight Man X Division X-scape Match to become the number one contender for the X Division Championship at 13:36. Brian Kendrick settled into a yoga position and sat there forever. Suicide and Robbie E started. They quickly started rapid tags that led to the first Jeremy vs. Max faceoff. Max tagged out without anything happening. More rapid fire tags led to Robbie E getting the pin on Suicide in 2:00.
Jay Lethal was eliminated at 4:54 after a flip piledriver from Amazing Red. Red was eliminated by Chris Sabin at 5:51, and then Chris Sabin was eliminated by Max Buck at 7:25 Kendrick ran in and attacked Jeremy. Jeremy tagged Robbie E who took out Kendrick, but Kendrick came back and hit a splash against the cage. The two Bucks tagged in and Max tried to beg off, but Jeremy attacked and slammed him from one side of the cage to the other.
Jeremy went over to Max, and Max hooked an inside cradle to eliminate Jeremy at 9:43. Robbie E ran over and attacked Kendrick. He and Max used Kendrick like a dart on the cage. Kendrick came back like a house of fire and hit a thrust kick on each man. He eliminated Robbie E at 11:32.
Kendrick went straight to the cage, but Max dragged him down. He hit a buckle bomb on Kendrick and then tossed him into the cage. He climbed to the top turnbuckle, but Kendrick stopped him. They battled on the top and Max fell off. He slammed the ref into the cage and Kendrick fell. Max escaped the cage for the win…
Shore's Slant: Sorry for falling out a little in the middle there, we had some boo-boo drama involving road rash. The match was so rapid fire to start it was hard to get settled. I would have gone with the tag match first, but here we are. Max is the right win, but he's not completely turned on Jeremy…yet.
Eric Bischoff's music hit and he came to the ring. He made a big deal about tonight being a special occasion, and I can of zoned out. He's killing the crowd. And not in the good way. The fans even gave him go-away heat. Wow.
Bischoff said he was happy because they were going to put an end to Fortune and Christopher Daniels. He went on a rant about how he was happy because Hogan was going to "get his hands back on the title" tonight and he got to be a part of that. I'm not really sure what he said at the end because of the loud sucking noise…
Shore's Slant: What the hell was that? Bischoff put the crowd to sleep. That shit was terrible. And are they really going to tease Hogan winning the title? You know it's a heel turn.
Christie Hemme interview Scott Steiner and Crimson. It was every bit the train wreck you would expect. Steiner said they were going to kick some ass tonight…
2. Ink Inc. defeated Eric Young and Orlando Jordan, British Invasion and Scott Steiner and Crimson at 8:47. Young and Neal started. Young acted like he was trying to escape the cage. He finally jumped down and he and Moore traded arm drags. They shook hands and Moore tagged himself in. He yelled at Neal and attacked EY. Neal tagged in Williams and he hit a slam on Young.
Young tagged in Jordan and Jordan worked both Williams and Magnus. He tagged in Neal, and the British Invasion worked quickly in and out on him. Neal rolled under a clothesline and got the hot tag to Crimson. Crimson attacked Magnus, but they hit clothesline on each other.
Both men got hot tags to their partners and Steiner destroyed everybody. He punched Shannon Moore on the apron and it all descended into madness. EY pulled his pants off revealing leopard print trunks. Everybody hit their finishers on each other and then EY popped up. He climbed over the cage and hit the floor just as Moore pinned Magnus with the Mooregasm…
Shore's Slant: Ugh, what a terrible match. When TNA was in Fayetteville, the live crowd sounded great. Cincinnati is doing them no favors. So far, I am 2-0 in predictions from Dot Net Weekly.
Christie Hemme was backstage again and said the Knockout's title was next. She said she was pulling for Mickie and Madison and Tara walked up. Hemme asked her what it felt like to know tonight could be her last night with the title. Madison asked what website she read that on.
Shore's Slant: This one.
Madison acted like she would cut Tara's hair, and Tara slapped her hand away. Madison said she had had enough of Tara and didn't trust her or need her out there tonight. She told Tara to stay in the back. A video ran down the feud…
3. Mickie James defeated Madison Rayne for the TNA Knockouts Championship at 0:34. Madison took forever to get in the ring doing her bit. The bell rang, Mickie kicked her, threw her into the cage three times and hit her DDT for the win.
Shore's Slant: Is Madison too high to compete? Oh shut up, you thought it too. You know, I'm really OK with this. We all knew Mickie was going to win. Thanks for not insulting us with a long match.
Christie interviewed Matt Morgan backstage. He said that he was starting his chase for the World Title again tonight, but first he was going to Carbon Footprint Hernandez's beach ball head back to Mexico…A video recapped the Joe vs. Pope feud…
4. Samoa Joe defeated D'Angelo Dinero at 10:30. Pope hit a sitout slam that Joe no sold. Joe slammed Pope into the corner and hit a spinning kick. Joe hit chops and Pope begged off. Joe came in and Pope pulled him into the corner. He tried to escape the cage again, but Joe caught him and dropped him on the ropes. He hit a drop kick to knock Pope off, but Pope pulled the ref in to distract Joe.
Pope slammed Joe into the cage and took control. Pope worked a number of different strikes, and then bitch slapped him. Joe hit a power slam and both men staggered to their feet. They traded open hand slaps to the face in the middle of the ring, and then Joe slapped him about 30 times. Dear lord.
Joe hit the Muscle Buster and covered. Pope broke the count with the foot on the rope. What? It's a cage match! Pope tried running up the cage again and Joe pulled his pants all the way down in the back. Awesome, thanks Joe! He shoved Joe down and hit an elbow from the top. He covered, but Joe kicked out at one and hit the muscle buster. He locked on the rear naked choke for the submission win…
Shore's Slant: Pretty good match. The slaps in the middle of the ring were brutal on top of brutal. It didn't sound as impressive as the one I saw with Johnny Garganno vs. CIMA in Burlington, but rough nonetheless. It sure does feel like this is over now. God I hope so.
Christie tried to interview Mexican-America, but they cut the vast majority of the promo in Spanish. A video recapped the Hernandez vs. Morgan feud…
5. Matt Morgan defeated Hernandez (w/Mexican-America) at 8:13. Morgan yelled for them to lock the door and he attacked. He hit his elbows in the corner and followed with a side slam for two. He went to the corner, and Anarchia grabbed his foot through the hole that is there for the cameras. Hernandez hit a splash against the cage and took control.
Hernandez worked his three moves plus chokes with his boot and scarf and strikes. He hit a spear in the corner and had the rest of his crew screaming "Viva, La Mexico." He pranced around and Morgan hit a discuss clothesline. Morgan hulked up and tossed Hernandez into the cage three times, followed by a back suplex for two.
He whipped Hernandez and Hernandez hit alike a head-butt to the chest for two. He charged at Morgan who side stepped and tossed him into the cage again. He setup for the Carbon Footprint, but Mexican-America distracted him. Hernandez went to the top and jumped off. Morgan hit the Carbon Footprint out of the air…
Shore's Slant: Bring back the tag teams! Seriously, that was terrible. I mean really, really bad. I mean…it was so bad I can’t even find an analogy. Ugh. But hopefully that means this is over. And I am 5-0 in predictions! I am guaranteed a winning night.
Post-match, Sarita and Rosita got in the ring and cut a promo about how they get screwed over. Sarita said they had beaten every knockout They said they weren't going anywhere and Velvet Sky's music hit. She ran to the ring and beat up both women until they fled…
Shore's Slant: I hope Jason loses his ass on the tables tonight.
Christie interviewed Karen Jarrett backstage who said she wasn't concerned at all about Jeff's match tonight because he is the Alpha Male. A video recapped the feud…
Shore's Slant: Blood Time!
6. Jeff Jarrett (w/Karen Jarrett) defeated Kurt Angle in an Ultra Male Rules match at 22:40. For those who don’t know, the rules are this: two out of three falls. First fall is submission only, second is pinfall only, third is escape the cage. Before the match, Karen was banned from ringside. Because she might interfere. In. a. cage match.
The crowd got hot and they locked up. Jeff broke dirty, but Angle came right back. Out of nowhere, Jeff locked on the Figure Four. Kurt sold it for a whole and the ref counted several nearfalls as the announce team pointed out the first fall was submission only.
Shore's Slant: Oops, got them backwards.
Angle reversed the figure four and when Jarrett made the ropes, he broke and grabbed the ankle. Jarrett kicked away and stood in the corner. Angle ran in and Jeff moved. Angle hit his shoulder on the post. Jarrett locked in a cross arm breaker that Angle reversed into an ankle lock for the first fall. Kurt Angle earned a submission fall at 4:56.
Angle worked on Jarrett, but Jarrett came back and slammed Angle into the cage and hit the Stroke for two. Angle battled right back and hit the rolling German suplex, but Jarrett grabbed the ropes to prevent the next one and hit a low blow to take control. He setup for another Stroke, but Angle shoved him into the cage and hit an Angle Slam of the bounce for two.
Angle set Jarrett on the top and climbed up. Jeff shoved him off and Kurt ran back up, He flubbed running up the buckle, but Jarrett stood still and Angle threw him off in a scary spot that looked like they bumped heads. Jarrett kicked out and Angle took his straps down. He lifted for an Angle slam, but Jarrett rolled down and hooked the tights for the pinfall victory. Jeff Jarrett earned a pinfall victory at 11:33.
Angle argued with the ref and Jarrett attacked from behind. He hit a slingshot on Angle and undid the cage door. Kurt grabbed him from behind and hit five German suplexes in a row. He went to the door and opened it, but stopped. He came back in the cage, and then started down the stairs. He got to the bottom step, and turned around and locked them back in the cage. He dropped the keys in his singlet, and attacked Jarrett.
Kurt slammed Jarrett into the cage and Jarrett bled like hell. He rubbed Jarrett's face in the cage and stepped away. Jeff dared him to come get some and quickly tried to scale the cage. Angle ran up and met him and they battled. Angle tried to climb out, but Jarrett grabbed him and hit a powerbomb from the top that Kurt took on the top of his head.
After replaying what I was sure was the end of Kurt Angle's life three times. Jarrett tried to climb out again, but Angle ran up and hit an Angle slam from the top. Angle couldn’t find the keys so he decided to climb out. Gunner ran down with a chair and prevented Angle from climbing out. Angle went to the corner and Scott Steiner ran out for the save. Angle did a moonsault off the top of the cage onto Jarrett and both men sold
Angle finally woke up and found the key this time and opened the door. He started to leave, and Karen ran out and sprayed something in his eyes. A blind Angle took out the ref and Karen called for Jarrett to climb out. Angle caught him with the ankle lock, but Karen slid a guitar in the ring. Jeff hit him and tried to leave again. Again Kurt grabbed him with the ankle lock. Jarrett was halfway out the door, so Karen slammed the door on Kurt's face. Jeff fell to the floor for the victory. Post-match, Jeff had to crawl away from the ring…
Shore's Slant: I'm still trying to not throw up after that power bomb. Dear lord. Very good match that took too long for the second fall. We all knew it would go three falls, so the near falls weren't that believable. But the spots in that last fall were off the charts. And I KNEW Karen would interfere. I am perfect for the audio predictions!
The video hyping the World Title match aired…
7. Sting defeated Rob Van Dam and Mr. Anderson to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at 7:55. RVD and Sting took turns beating the shit out of Anderson. Sting went for the Scorpion Death Lock and RVD hit a spinning heel kick. He hit several kicks on Sting and then a standing moonsault. RVD hit the ropes and Anderson pulled the top rope down.
Anderson went for a mic check on Sting. Sting elbowed out and went for a Scorpion again. RVD ran over and Sting slammed him and hooked the Scorpion on both men. They eventually made the ropes for the break. THIS IS A CAGE…oh the hell with it.
Sting whipped RVD and then charged. They butted heads and Anderson hit am mic check on both for a near fall on both. Sting hooked RVD for a Scorpion Death Drop, and Anderson charged. Sting hit the move as he and Anderson hit a clothesline in each other in a neat spot.
Hulk Hogan's music hit and he came to the ring with the aluminum foil roll. He offered it to Van Dam who took it. Van Dam slung the pipe back at Hogan in the cage and said he wouldn't do it. Anderson grabbed the pipe and hit RVD in the head with the pipe. He dragged RVD to the center of the ring, and Sting hit a Scorpion death drop on Anderson for the win.
Post-match, Sting motioned for Hogan to come back to the ring. Hogan teased it for a moment and then said it wasn't their time yet…
Shore's Slant: A seven minute title match isn't markedly better than a 90 second match Russo! Are you serious? The match was barely even started when it was over. And it wasn't even the main event. I mean, what we had wasn't bad, but it was so short. Make your joke here.
8. Fortune defeated Immortal in a Lethal Lockdown Match at 22:56. Kazarian and Abyss started. Abyss immediately worked his mauling offense as Bully Ray screamed from the outside. Kazarian escaped a lift and dropkicked Abyss into the cage. Kazarian choked Abyss against the cage as the time expired.
Matt Hardy ran in and Kaz hit a ton of offense on Matt. He hit a springboard leg drop as Abyss finally woke up. Abyss hit a clubbing blow to Kaz and Matt hooked in the ice pick. Matt held it for a while and then broke to hit the Side Effect. He and Abyss worked on Kaz until the time expired.
Daniels ran in and took out both men. He tossed Hardy into Abyss and then hit BME and his curb stomp type move on Hardy. Kaz woke up and he and Daniels worked on Abyss and Hardy. They both locked in submission holds until time expired.
Flair was in next and he chopped Kaz and stomped on Daniels. He hit several chops on both men until Hardy and Abyss recovered and attacked. Flair did his strut and directed traffic.
Storm was in next and he spit beer in Abyss's face. He ducked a Hardy clothesline that took out Abyss and then slammed Hardy. He took his beer and advanced on Flair. Flair dropped to his knees and begged off. Storm hit him in the head with the bottle AND THEY ALMOST SHOWED HIM GIGGING AGAIN!
Flair bled and the final count was just a hair over three minutes so those who took the under on five minutes, congratulations. Fortune took over until Bully Ray came in, then Immortal took over. Flair had his clothes almost completely torn off, and at one point, Storm had Flairs pants pulled down and spanked his bare ass. I shit you not. Robert Roode came in and cleaned house, even hitting about eight chops on Flair.
Beer Money hit a double suplex on Bully Ray, and the lights changed. Beer Money did their cheer bit and the ceiling closed on the cage. As soon as they came down, Fortune grabbed the weapons and beat the hell out of Immortal. Daniels and Abyss spilled to the floor, and then Hardy was thrown out.
Hardy ran and climbed the cage. Daniels followed and they fought on top. Daniels almost fell, and then Hardy hit the Twist of Hate on the top. Matt tried to climb down, and either fell or was poked. I missed it exactly. Fortune continued to win in the ring and Daniels stood on the top. He did a diving cross body onto Abyss and Hardy on the floor from the top of the cage. Wow.
Roode hit a spine buster on Flair and locked in the figure four on Flair. Bully Ray attacked Roode with a trash can and saved Flair. Ray grabbed two kendo sticks and beat the hell out of anybody, including busting Daniels open. He gave a stick to Flair and setup Daniels leg. He said it was for his good friend AJ.
AJ Styles's music hit and he ran to the ring. He took out Bully Ray and ripped his shirt and posed. Flair tried to sneak up, but Roode grabbed him and held him for a Storm superkick. Roode locked in the arm breaker and Flair tapped out. Fortune beat up Ray and Flair a little more and then celebrated in the ring to end the show…
Shore's Slant: What an overbooked mess. Styles looks like the top guy for making the save, but it just felt like too much. The match had a lot of good action, but it just never felt special. Flair juiced almost immediately, and Abyss was mostly useless. The Daniels spot was amazing, but Matt didn't really impress tonight either. I don't know, it just felt flat and uninspiring.
On the upside, Robert Roode and Bully Ray are the two guys who looked the best in the match, and those are the guys who should have. I never thought I would say this, but I think there might be some money in Bully Ray. And I've known for a while there was money in Roode.
Overall a very poor show. I was dead on in one of my two prediction lists for everything except the TNA Title. I really didn't think they were booking toward Sting vs. Hogan. But now I'm afraid they are. Ironically the only matches that I felt good about were a 30 second farce and the feud I've been most critical of.
I will have more to say tomorrow in the Lockdown hitlist. Dot Net Members will also be listening to an exclusive audio recap along with Dot Net Staffer Will Pruett. If you would like access to the audio review, plus the ad free site and hours of other audio, you can join for as little as $5.25 a month. Just head over to the Dot Net Members' Signup Page. Thanks for following along tonight.
Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet me @the_shore_slant with whatever is on your mind.
4/17 Shore's TNA Lockdown Review and Results: Every match in a cage, Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett in 2 out of 3 falls, Immortal vs. Fortune in a Lethal Lockdown match, and Sting vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam for the TNA World Title
Apr 17, 2011 - 07:00 PM
Apr 17, 2011 - 07:00 PM
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