By Rich Twilling

Half Pint Brawlers on Spike TV
Aired on 6/9/10

[Q1] The show began with the crew doing some snow sledding directly into a small stream of water...

The opening video aired. They began in Chicago and hit the gym. Turtle, the rookie midget wrestler, was concerned with his ability to do anything athletic. It turned out to be a legitimate concern because he had zero athletic ability.

Turtle literally moved in slow motion and Puppet wondered what he was going to do with him. He asked Turtle what he could do and Turtle said he was good at telemarketing. Puppet asked if he was willing to drink his own piss and Turtle said he would do anything...

Twill's Two Cents: At least he has the right frame of mind.

Puppet said they were working a fraternity party with the "Chicago Bears." It turned out he was talking about really hairy dudes from Chicago. The show went to commercial with the midgets trying on their bear costumes... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: How did Turtle even get a look? Does nobody want to be a midget wrestler? Turtle is a nice guy but he cannot do a thing athletically.

Oh, I missed it. Bear Party is a magazine with hairy guys. Not really sure what market that magazine is attempting to corner. They laughed maniacally as Turtle put on his bear suit. Kato stopped laughing when he was picked to dress up like a bear too.

Turtle was the lucky chosen one to serve as the "bear stripper" for the night...

Twill's Two Cents: Midget bear strippers? Now that is the worst bachelor party ever.

Turtle did a little dance. No word on if he made a little love. He did however earn more money stripping than he ever could in the ring. Puppet was pleased with Turtle but wondered if he would be able to drink his own piss at the fraternity party...

They went to a hardware store and picked out their weapons. My favorite was the plunger they tried to stuff up the ass of one of the other guys. The workers at the store looked like they were watching rhinoceroses screw each other at the zoo... [C]

[Q2] They moved onto Bloomington, Indiana. Puppet and Kato argued over Turtle not being very good. Unfortunately, Turtle was sitting right next to them. Puppet liked his attitude. Kato was pissed because he wanted Turtle to prove himself and didn't think he had what it took.

Three college girls in need of tuition money spoke with Puppet about wrestling in lube with the midgets. Puppet came out to a huge pop. Turtle came out and Puppet said he was about to drink his own piss... [C]

Twill's Two Cents: I doubt any of the ladies are going to make out with Turtle tonight.

Back from commercial, Turtle drank an entire cup of his own piss. There was a guy in a toga. No, it wasn't Jim Ross. A girl in the stands agreed to kiss Turtle on the mouth for a free beer...

Twill's Two Cents: Damn, that girl has low standards. Either that or she really needed that beer.

Backstage, Puppet was extremely pleased with Turtle while Kato looked on with a look of jealous disdain. The strippers got lubed up in the ring in an inflatable pool. Never thought I would type that in a report for this website.

Beautiful Bobby jumped from the top rope in to the pool with the three strippers. Puppet and Turtle got in there and the crowd ate it up. Somewhere, the dads of those girls were punching holes in walls...

Next week, the HPB will head to a prison to do a show. Also, a former Brawler will make his return to the group and apparently, he is an asshole. He hit on Kato's woman, so they are not welcoming him back with open arms...

Twill's Two Cents: For people that laugh at others for padding their resumes, imagine putting "Drinks own piss" on there as "relevant work experience" and having that be a positive thing. See you next week for episode three.

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